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I cry day and night .... and I can't hold it any longer ....
You know those police movies ....when a cop work under cover to get some information and data from some one ... in order to do this he has to live with them and be one of them ...... then he get in love with this family ,... and can't do his business any more ....
and he will be between tow fires ....... TWO FIRES ..... the fire of his job losing ,.... and the FIRE of being a liar to someone as pure as rain drops ....... and you cant say any word to him ... because you know deep inside that you are a LAIR .......
I am like this PERSON .....
I lied to someone ..... to make fun of him ...... BUT NOW I am becoming his best friend ..... and he is everything to me ....... I never imagined that it will be like this ....
its a dirty game I played .... and now I am regretting everyday passes by .. I tell a lie to that person .... I AM SORRY ....... I never meant it to be like this .....
I loved you like a true friend ....and ONLY god knows about it ..... and I can't face you with the truth ... because I am afraid if I lose you ....
it has been now ONE year and a half ..... we are friends ... but he doesn't know who the real am I ????
And we spend nights chatting and having fun ..... but as soon as he is gone ... I feel like a f(&(* as^%$# ..... I DESERVE TO DIE ..... he is sooo good .... and I betrayed him ....
I can't say the truth .... I can't tell anyone about this ..... its only me , him , my friend and my niece........ and now you people ... here in the forum .... I need someone to listen to me ... I have been tortured everyday .... keeping this all inside .... I can't bear it anymore .... and I am getting deeper and deeper in this s*&(* !!!!
PLEAS GOD SAVE ME ..... ITS KILLLING ME ..... EVERYWHERE I GO ... I THINK OF THIS AND I BECOME SAD ....AND I HOLD MY TEARS .... BUT I CAN'T PRETEND I AM HAPPY ..... EVERY ONE AROUND ME KNOWS THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG .....I am not as I used to be..... funny and happy ...... I am changing ....
by telling you that ... I feel much more better .... at least there is someone share it with me now.....
How to make it up to him........hmmmm. Be honest with him today and forever more. Be honest with yourself, you want to believe this is all about him going to miss you. I believe it is more about you missing him. That is the truth. He may feel hurt at first, but what will he really be missing, a big lie.
You are not only living in a fantasy world on the net, you are also living in your mind. You are guessing he is going to say or do this or that, it is all thoughts in your mind. The more you dwell on it and think, the more creative and dramatic you get. It is not REAL. You have no idea how he is going to react, even when he tells you how he feels, if you do not see him, will you really know how he reacted or felt?
When you say you "talk" to these friends and relatives of this guy, is it "talking" with your voice or is it emailing?
You really need to get a grip on real life. Please go find a friend or family member and give them a hug, you need a real life reality check.
I only chatted with them ...MSN... not on phone...
and I want to clear something out .... I care about that friend... I love him as a close friend ... its not like what you think .... its pure friendship ...
Whats with the real world idea...... I see internet world is as real as the real world ... its just so hard to separate them since most of my friends are online contacts!
I did not think anything other than him being a friend. I am sorry if I implied differently.
i am just worried about you. It is ok to have online friends. It is not healthy to have more online friends than friends you see and visit and touch each day. It is too easy to loose contact with reality. I am just concerned about you, that is all.
How to make it up to him........hmmmm. Be honest with him today and forever more. Be honest with yourself, you want to believe this is all about him going to miss you. I believe it is more about you missing him. That is the truth. He may feel hurt at first, but what will he really be missing, a big lie.
Its not a big lie!!..... My feelings are all real..... everything I said about my personality is real..... I lied only about the events around me..... my environment .... !!
What you said is sooo right ...
Its more about me going to miss him !!.... yeah .. I believe this is so true....
I am so deep in this now.... what should I do ?!
How about disappearing .... I don't want to hurt him !....
But I will go through this gradually .....
I won't go online everyday.... I'll make it once a week ... and so on ... till I completely gone
From what I understand, you lied to a guy on the internet about how you look, how then did you meet his sisters????
This story is really unusual and does not make a heck of alot of sense to me. Provided this story is factual then view it from this angle, IF he lovesyou or confides in you and has come to develop some deep mystical bond between you (fantasy) what should it matter what you look like? Isn't the inner you more important to this wonderful human being you've described. Someone so great cannot possibly be superficial to shun you b/c you are a little lacking in self-confidence can he?
Also, whats with all the deserving to die talk? Geez, I've done worse things on a bus than this. I'm not making light of it but you are going way overboard with how serious this transgression really is.
I'm still not convinced this story is actually true, I'll wait for your answer about the sisters.
Oh, I didn't even draw attention tothe fact he is an internet buddy which you have never met!!! Tell him the truth or delete him if you cannot handle telling him. Also, get off these social network sites for your own sanity, you don't seem like a person that is well suited for these things. If your so drawn to the computer in your spare time than you'd be wise to start playing internet hearts (i'm goooooood) or reversi (I can't be beat on a consistent basis), it'd be alot more healthy for you.
What is so weird about my writing .... I didn't thought its that unclear .... please tell me if there is anything wrong with it ... so I can improve it ...
Well,
this story is soooo real .... and if you didn't believe it, it will be my pleasure to send you all the chat logs for both of us .. I keep them.....
I've post the whole thing ... I lied to someone .. I gave him a different identity ... not the real me .... to take revenge of something he did to my niece ....
so when I knew that guy better ... I started to change my mind about him being selfish and cruel..... but it was too late for me to say I was fake .....because we became close friends.... and I couldn't tell him I lied .....
about his sisters ....
He liked me as a good friend .... and was soo proud of me .... and he tells his sisters about me ... so one day .. he just got me in online group conversation .... with his two sisters .... I was shocked! ... because I knew that he is now trusted me far more than I thought !!
and now his sisters are chatting with me ... and becoming good friends to me as well ...and that what makes it worse than it was already ....
instead of lying to one person ... now I am lying to the whole family !!
Oh dear you need not apologize for your writing. I said it was unusual in that the way you break up sentences is something I have not seen before.
As for saying i may not be true, I said that b/c your story reads that you have never met him yet you met his sisters, now that you have clarified it makes more sense.
All the rest I stand behind. This is not healthy for you at all, it is an obsession over a person in whom you have never even met. You would do well to distance yourself from the online world, its like thunderdome, no rules, everything is different and nobody is their REAL self.
Wonderful article about facebook personalities I happened upon weeks ago. Although the appearance of the individual and information is correct, the rest is what one WANTS to project. No space for writing your faults and real persona, only space for what you do well or want people to think you do well.
instead of lying to one person ... now I am lying to the whole family !!
Either come clean, and be honest, or leave these folks alone. It helps nothing to lie, and then continue to lie does it? Your only confused because you know your actions have consequence. Consequences your unwilling to pay, so either do the right thing, and pay the consequences, or stop giving everyone the impression your a caring person. Or are you trolling us for attention? This is not a hard problem to solve.
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