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can get an opinion about this situation? i mean what do you think i should do?
my girlfriend and i have been dating for about a year and 9 month. things have been great most of the time. i mean we always seemed to understand each other and whenever whenever we fought, it was in a fair way. when we started dating we were in the same city as we went to the same university. i graduated last spring and moved to a town 2 hrs away to work on my engineering degree. this is my second semester at my new campus, and she is on her last semester back the other university.
over this past winter break she went on a trip for about 4 weeks and and we didn't really keep much contact during that time. when she came back, things were still as they were since we have been going out. however, about 5 weeks ago, things have just been way too different. we were easily irritated toward each other, but then we would just make up and after a fight and we would be go on and just sort things out and then we would be ok.
recently she has been just totally a different person. i mean have been going out with her long enough to get to know that she is definitely not the same person i used to date. she always used to be happy, and would always make time for me. also when she talked to me her the tone of her voice was very different u could tell that a sense of appreciation and admiration. until recently,( 5 weeks ago) i thought i had the girl of my dream. nice, kind, understanding etc.... now however, whenever she addresses me her tone is just really different, almost so that she makes me feel like i am bugging her or something.
it started about 5 weeks ago. with the recent economic downturn, one weekend when i went back to visit, she was really really stressed. i asked what was up n she said that she had lost a lot of money in her stocks things like that... and she also seemed just somewhat different. i asked what was up and she told me that everything was ok.( but i could tell that she had something up her sleeves). also, at one time she seemed so tense that i told her that i didn't like seeing her that way and she replied that "it was going to be like this whole semester".
she said that this was the most failed semester of her major, and that she had to get her grades up for fear or losing her scholarship. i let things go then. then i noticed that she was not calling as she used to. i mean this the same person who could not go 2 days without calling and for awhile it felt like she pursuing me. in a sense. i mean she really went out of her way. i did too but ....anyway...about two weeks after that, she was going to have about 6 midterms in a week. 2 of them were canceled and so she ended up having 4 of them. i was trying to get a hold of her, but she would not pick up. i asked why she was ignoring me, but she told me that was not ignoring me and that she was getting annoyed by me texting her over and over asking why i am ignoring her....she went on to say that she was not but that she was just busy....
i stopped by and visited the weekend before that and we ended up not doing much, and she just seemed really tense. i mean things were ok. i stayed with her that night and we just relaxed that one weekend....
to make the long story short, over spring break i called her and she would not pick her phone at all...i mean i just got so used to talking to her that it was beginning to bug me that she would not pick up her phone when she went home...i think the only few times we talked was over ims or so...but u could sense that in her tone she was really just as if she was upset or something.....anyway from there things just downhill....i don't know if i am being selfish, but she keep saying that she is busy busy busy studying all the time. i mean i would call and sometime i would just get a voice mail...
last time i visited her it was the same thing. she was studying the whole time she had an exam that coming up tuesday. we went out to dinner, and after we went back we stayed in and just talked things out. she was telling me that i had left her to go away, and that the long distance was just getting to her. and i could swear when we were talking she just sounded as if she was mocking the relationship...." i don't even know what is it anymore"...almost as if she had a lost interest or something like. before i left i told her that i was going to give her a call on Wednesday...i did and again got her voice mail...i text her saying " thanx a lot"....the next morning around 8 am she text back saying" sorry...i am sick my mom thinks i have meningitis. i barely have a voice and slept all day yest. i left work early cuz i wasn't feeling good so don't give me that. i don't need it"....that was7 days ago. i text her back saying ok..srry hope u feel better. ...that was the last time i talked to her.....i did not hear from her and so i just figured i would maybe give her sometime not give her a call until she is ready....its been 7 days since i mean am i at fault here or what? i just don't understand whats is up anymore!!!!
Possibly email her?? Just let her know that you know things are rocky right now, but her keeping you at bay, isn't healthy for either of you. Tell her to be an adult and be honest with you, does she want to continue a relationship with you or does she want to part ways? If she DOES want to continue a relationship with you, then kindly let her know that how things are now, isn't how a relationship works, and they DO take time and sacrifice and compromise and most of all, communication. Tell her you understand if she doesn't want to be with you anymore but at the VERY least, you deserve complete honesty.
I am saying that you have bent over backwards to make a valid effort to make it work and she is pulling you along, talking to you JUST enough to drive you crazy, seems to be working for her?? But NOT for you! Tell her you are more than willing to make this work, but SHE has to put forth half the effort too! Get what I'm saying?
Look you seem like a really nice guy, you seem to very attentive to this girl, which is a rare quality to find in men. Don't you think there is a girl out there for you that can APPRECIATE this character trait in you? I know you are probably thinking "I've been with her for so long...." but the truth is, the longer you stay, if it's not meant to be, the harder it will be to finally let go. Good luck to you!
just wanted to check in. hey listen we have been going out together for a long time now, at least a year! and i think that its long enough to know someone very well. i am really confused right now because i don't know whats up with us...and to tell you to thruth its hurts...cuz i sit here trying to figure out what i have done wrong, or how things came to be this way....it's my birthday today and yet i can't even find a way to smile...i know your are busy...but i really also want you to be honest with me.....with every day that passes...the further i feel you are away from me....whats going on???...i really want to know cuz i don't undestand anything anymore and its driving me crazy!!!all i am asking for is to know where we are headed....i hope that not too much to ask is it?....
her response:
i have been so busy, so stressed. this is my transition time. i have been having exam after exam, projects, unknowns, lab reports, papers, presentations, work. i have family issues going on back home. i barely talk to anyone nemore. i rarely talk to kt and haven't seen michelle in almost two months. u can ask my roommates, i stay in my room and study. ive been going to bed at like 1 and waking up at 6. i don't go the best off those times. plus.. im in the process of gettin a place in rochester, figurin out how and when to move my stuff there, what i need to buy still for my transition. im not playin around.. i don't have time for nething rt now. plus.. i almost completely got rid of my cough this weekend, and now i have a sore throat and bad cough again. seriously.. there isn't enough time for everything i need to do. u haven't done nething.. ive just been way way too busy. i have an exam next week again that i have to start studyin for. it doesn't help that my professor won't give me the time of day. i don't no how much longer im gonna be able to stand this all. i feel bad that i can't give u the time of day, but seriously.. i don't no if this will end for a long time. i hate to say this but i don't no if i have the time and effort to put forth in a relationship rt now. it seriously is nothing uve done. all of my outbursts have pretty much been the stress coming out. im sorry for those.. im just.. i dunno. my brain's fried
man, happy birthday, mine was yesterday too. Anyway, don't you think you deserve someone how can MAKE time for you. Nobody said relationships were easy, everyone gets stressed, what kind of princess does she think she is. Part of being in an ADULT relationship is learning to organize your time and make time for those who are important to you.....MOVE ON....she isn't worth anymore effort. Walk away feeling confident you gave it your all.
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