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Hi, I started dating a girl that was recently seperated, she had been so for about a year, she said she had dated and was ready for a relationship, we spent the first 4 months just hanging out and that turned into a relationship. I supported her emotions during her divorce constantly building her self estiem, it took almost 18 months for her divorice to become final. We dated for 9 of those and broke up because she finally said I am not ready. I was ready for this for I sinced it and was at the point myself. We stayed apart for 2 months no contact she called me said she missed me and loved me so we started dating. We lasted one month and one week. During this time she always told me she loved me. For that matter the night be for we broke up she said she loved me. She has always said I am her best friend. Well we talked on the phone on a friday and before hanging up she said I love you. I called her saturday and she said I want to date others but I don't want to lose you. Now we are suppose to be friends. Just get together and hang while she dates. Sounds to me like she wants her cake and eat it too. If I date I can only date one women at a time after a few dates, I can't play the field. so the question is simple should i tell her bye or keep in contact via e-mail. I am so confussed, when things are good they are GREAT but this time it caught me off gaurd. She sends me e-mails telling me she is thinking of me. she says I hope we both find peace. I understand she is healing from her divorce but I don't understand how you can tell someone you love them one day and break up the next. Any suggestion thank you.
It sounds like shes very confused about her feelings. How long was she married for? BUt then again it seems like she wants her cake and eat it to. I would try and sit down and have a long conversation with her about this.
she was married for 15 years and in an abusive marriage. She knows or at least she says how good I am to her and she is always thinking me for my support. I want to hang in there but hanging while she is dating would be very difficult. I think we should all be with out best friend. thanks for any advice. just trying to sort it all out with out making a stupid mistake that I will regret.
Its sounds like shes using you to heal herself. I would say the best thing to do is No contact and move on, or at least dissapear until she has sorted herself out. If you stay hanging around, its only gonna hurt and confuse you even more. You dont deserve to be used by anyone, no one does. so don't let her. Its hard to let go of people you have feelings for but sometimes its for the best.
Wow, that's a tough situation. I honestly think you just gotta move on. She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. You don't need her, you can get over her and move on. Let the memories be memories, but find some other girl or girls to date - it's going to be a trial and error process to find a girl you like again, but that's how it is - eventually you enjoy being single again.
I think I will keep in contact via e- mail and be a friend give her space and see what happens she is so worth it. If I get hurt so be it but this women is awesome.
Being a savior to someone who's getting out of a 15-year abusive marriage is a really hard job. It's a great thing to do for somebody if you can put out that kind of energy while TRULY not expecting anything in return. But most of us eventually do want something (committed love) in return, and a person who's freshly out of that kind of relationship is rarely able to give it. Hard as it is to do, my advice is to back off, give her the space to do whatever she needs to do to heal herself (possibly even repeat her mistake), while you find somebody else to be intimate with. If you stay fixated on her, you'll end up gutted, I'm afraid.
I think taking her word that she was ready for a relationship, one year from a 15 year bad marriage was not realistic, on your part. But you have helped her thru a rough spot, so now back off and wish her well. Because she is confused, doesn't mean you have to be.
The fact that she wants to date other people clearly shows she doesn't really Love you sorry. Would you date someone else if you were in love with the person you could be with ? She is using you as her backup. You need to let her be and don't be there for her all the time. She can have all of you or none of you.
Look , at the end of the day it's your decision , but if you want to be "The Backup" then you can only blame yourself when nothing comes of it later on down the track.
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