| I don't mean any offense by this but are you sure you are ready to have them back in your life? What exactly have you done to put you finances in order and your life as a whole in order? Other then making the claim that things will be different what are you doing now NOT for her and the kids but for yourself. You have to fix your problems first before you should worry about bringing other people and stresses (and as much as you love them both her and her children are going to be stressful) into your life.
There are plenty of resources available for finincial help. I recommend the "millionaire mind" books because they are easy to understand and apply. They basically rehash the same information for each book but you might want to start there.
As for not being a jerk when the stress comes, that's going to take a conscious effort on you part. Perhaps an anger management class might help. I don't know, I've never been to one, I'm just throwing it out there.
Also, it's hard to say from what you posted, but grabbing the kids and moving to another state seems to be a last ditch resort to get away. That's beyond breaking up with someone. So the question has to be asked, were you beating her? Were you beating the kids? Why the drastic break up? And I ask these questions not to start judging you but if you going to ask a question and you want real, honest feedback you have to give the full story. | 
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