My girlfriend of five months just told me that she was still in love with her ex boyfriend from wisconsin and that he will be moving down here to new mexico with her later in the year. This came out of nowhere, I so never saw this coming. Everything was fine with us till a month ago when she started acting a bit withdrawn and distant. She went back to visit family over the springbreak and when she came back she told me it was over. I feel horrible. She insists that she wasnt thinking about this guy at all until she went to visit, but I know thats a lie. I think her heart was with this guy the whole time she was with me. I am devastated, I cared about her so much and it was a (seemingly) healthy relationship.b To make things worse I have to see her at work everyday. I lied and said I was happy for her and hoped thingsworked out but in my mind i was thinking "slut" and other nprintable things. I feel so any things right now. I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me, that I am somehow inadequate. I really feel less then useless right now. What should I do?

Jesushelper76

You should not do anything. You can not control the choices somebody else makes. You can not control her feelings or her reactions or thoughts.

You however can control yours. You should be happy for her but realistically speaking your looking at it all wrong. She is talking about being with an ex. Why were they an ex. How long do you think they are going to last, lol. Do you know what I am saying here.

You need to let this person go, because she will always cause you heartache. You do not need that or deserve that. This is a person that will go back and forth between two people, depending on if everything is going good or not.

Joe

shygrneyzs

First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong with you. So get that out of your head. There was nothing you could have done that would have prevented this woman from going back to her ex bf. You could have stood on your head for a week and she still would have left you.

We all have times where we feel inadequate, that we missed something or some part in a relationship. But you know, relationships work both ways. What you were putting into the relationship - you were not receiving back. Although relationships are not 50/50 in the real world, we strive for that balance, believing that each one inputs as much as the other. But there are times one partner carries more than the other and vice versa.

It is tough to go to work and see her every day. If it becomes impossible, then you may need to think about a job change. Wishing her well is a good thing to do, even if your heart was not in that. No sense in bearing ill for what you cannot change.

Right now, I hope you get involved in other pursuits - do you have a hobby or an interest that gets you energized? Being out in the community finding positive ways to interact with others. If you have too much time on your hands and find yourself dwelling on this breakup, why not try volunteering your time? Something like Big Brothers, tutoring, mentoring, visiting at a nursing home, etc. You would soon see that there are problems that will make yours seem small. You want to bring this whole relationship into a new perspective and get past your hurt.

Also, I would add that you make sure you are physically healthy - keeping your body well, reducing stress. If you feel like your helplessness does not fade, please see your doctor. You could be going through a situational depression. It is okay to ask for help. When haven't we all needed help now and then?

Take care of yourself. Good luck to you.

jaxie

thats how I feel also. except my relationship lasted 8 years yeah eight years