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Breaking up, for stupid reasons, and on good terms.
Alright (knuckle crack) If you're the sort of person that reads other peoples relationship problems... you probably are used to long, drawn-out, sobby, sad, walls of text. That being said, i'll try to keep this mildly entertaining.
up till about... 72 hours ago i was dating a girl whom i was, and still am in love with. I have been in more than one serious relationship, i have had my heart broken a couple of times, i know the feelings and what to do... that really isn't the issue! In all seriousness, i don't really feel that bad, but as always, things are: Complicated.
So here's the deal, in short. We were dating for awhile, fell for each other retardedly fast, moved in together for about 2 months to save money (we were planning to move @ the time) and moved to a city, from a town. We arrive at our new apartment, everything is great, she gets the job she was after, and i'm snowboarding 4 days a week @ summit county in Colorado (huge mountains, huge snowboard parks) Everything is great.
Turning point number 1: I dislocate my shoulder very bad resulting in me not being able to snowboard anymore, in turn... i'm in a city, which is new to me... i'm a small town boy. Natually, i get depressed, and try to find outputs. Obviously, i make a bad choice and start playing online video games, which i used to do in High school, quite a bit. I reconnect with alot of online friends, etc... but it takes up so much time! and of course, she can't understand i'm doing with all my time. She lets me know that this isn't something that she likes, and i cut back, and eventually just stop playing all together. The "current" love of my life more important to me than a digital world.
Things continue, but we both start to completely hate the city, we grow even more unhappy, not with each other, but just in general. The overhead of stress, puts an enormous strain on our relationship, and things continue south. I don't mean to rant, but continuing...
We have a slight falling out, basically we both need our space. Then out of the blue, seriously... out of f@#!$ nowhere, she wants to move to California. Since i don't have a solid job in the area, I make it my duty to pack my belongings and get out of there. We take the "Break" route, and i move back to where we met.
Immediately after arriving i feel refreshed. I get back into snowboarding for the last few weeks of the season, my shoulder feels better (PT wut wut $$$) i see alot of old friends, start skateboarding again, basically it's like i never left.
At this time were barely talking, and she decides to come visit some friends, and me of course. We meet up for lunch, and again, it's like we never left. We laugh, we kiss, we get a hotel room etc...
So she leaves, about 2 weeks later, i make the trip up there to see her. POLAR OPPOSITE... no joke, it sucked, we fought, she cried, i got annoyed... i had no idea what the hell was happening! We went to the zoo... i went home, awesome.
So...heres current events:
i know she's unhappy with the situation, she doesnt want to live here, and she wants to go to California. I'm unhappy, i do want to live here, and i'm scared to even look at California.
We are both in love, we both care about eachother... now, tell me if i'm being weird. Does it seem selfish to abandon a... moderately struggling, but completely loving and good relationship, to "assume a career" that i heard nothing but bad things about? I know she's unhappy, but we can't look for somewhere else with a beach and... whatever Cali has, oranges?
In a week, 1 week... she's going to look at California. Then she's moving back here for 3 months, to save money. This town is fairly small... ill put it this way, it has one main street, and 4 good bars. We will see eachother, and we agreed to talk, be friendly, and supportive of each others needs. Umm.. I'm a 21 year old male... does it sound wrong to feel outright mad about the situation?
I completely want to salvage the relationship because i really enjoy her. There are like 4 other girls i know that i could probably go get with right now, not to be cocky, but this is a college town, it happens...
Here's what i've come up with:
A: She loves Cali and can't wait to gtfo.
B: She's not 100% on Cali and isn't really sure what she wants to do.
C: I never see her again.
If she loves Cali, do i just let her go, continue focusing on getting myself back to 100% alone? I understand that either way, that's probably the best choice, but being broken up for 2 weeks, not seeing them for almost 4 weeks, and then having her pushed back into my little "No more relationship sanctuary" doesn't sound fun, or easy. I'm scared that if i let her go, and get over it, if she comes back, which for some reason i see happening... i'll be doing something else... not literally.
Again, she's told me she loves me, and wants this to work, but she has to do this for herself, and since i don't want to go... i'm out of luck. Is it just a case of horrible relationship timing? What do you guys think? Play the field, or buy her flowers?
And thanks for wasting 5 mins of your life to help out a total stranger, i know that a Thank You on a forum post is a bit belated, but it does mean alot. Advice is amazing.
The thing is if I was your girlfriend and we were serious to the point where you have talked about getting married and so on, I would at least think things over with myself. 1. If she's is totally in love with you and wants to be with you for the rest of her life then she needs to decide if leaving you is what is best for your guys' relationship. 2. Can you possibly do long distance? If she hasn't thought those things through then she just might be willing to give up everything that you guys have had for what she wants, and thats not thinking about you and her, its just "her." To be in a relationship it takes two people, meaning there has to be sacrafices made for each other. I understand where you are at this point in your life, I'm 20 and I am trying to figure out whats in store for me in the future. You are important and you need to live your life and explore unanswered questions. But in the end, (that is if you decide to end things) will you regret it? Maybe she is your "soul mate" (sorry dont know how you feel on that, but I like the word soul, and I like the word mate :-)) Could you have lost in the end anyways? Sure you will become successful and so on, but the question remains how do you feel not having her in your life.... for the rest of your life? I know your young and prob aren't even close to thinkin about marriage or maybe you are, but if this girl could possibly be the "one" then I wouldn't let her go.
I thought about it, but in reality i'd rather commit myself to something like a child than a marriage... but that's just me being realistic. She is a super nice, amazing girl, but the more i think about it, the classic age variant comes into play. It's not that were too young to do something serious like that, it's just that were too young to know what to do with ourselves... and if you can't decide what you want for yourself, you can't decide what you want for someone else, or the both of you. She'll be here soon and I'm scared .
Let her go. I think this shows what your relationship will be like if you continue anything with her. Will you be willing to follow all her wishes, no matter how out of the blue and outrageous it is? You seem to want and know how to make things work, but her actions tell me that does not at all.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,150
Als47 has the greatest avatar on this site.
Filthy, I think you hit on something, you are not sure what you want in life yet and she has a direction that she wants to take right now. It's not to say what your doing is wrong...it just doesn't follow what she is wanting at this time in her life. It sucks losing someone and when I was 22 I got dumped from a woman I was dating for 3 years. One of the things she told me was that we were in two different places in our lives. I didn't understand it then and I thought it was a cop out. I can tell you ten years later she was right, but I was so hurt and confused I didn't get it. It's only with age and the ability to look back with a clear head that I can see that now. She's in a different place in her life then you are. It's not a fault of you or even a negative. In that respect you have it better then most people who come here, you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to correct. You just fell for someone who had other things going on in her life at this time.
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