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Home > Family & People > Relationships   »   Break Up - Now What?

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Old Apr 29, 2007, 05:45 AM
Righthearted
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Break Up - Now What?

My girlfriend of almost 2 years has broken up with me because she can't grow as a person as long as she depends on me for so much. She only has work and had our relationship- no friends where I have lots of friends. She is also confused as to what direction her life is going. I am her best friend-she told me and her mother also told me this, and I want to be there for her but at the same time she doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship.
She is 22 and just finished college where I am 35 but am in no rush to put pressure on her as far as marriage, things like that.

It's only been about a week and I'm having a real hard time with this. What do I do?
Should I still be friends with her in the hopes that we will eventually be together again?

Thanks.

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Old Apr 29, 2007, 06:09 AM   #2  
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I am sure you can relate to where she needs to find herself. So let her do it. As you have a life then move on with it, and leave her alone. Look out for your own happiness because she is looking for hers and there is no way to tell what she will decide. So let her call you when she is ready, and make sure your doing your own thing. Why wait on maybe???

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Jesushelper76 agrees: Never wait on a maybe. Oh so true.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 06:12 AM   #3  
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You do nothing.

You move on.

Maybe one day she will be ready or maybe not. It is not your problem now.

What you need to do is leave her alone and move on.

Like Tal said, do not wait on a maybe. That is not living your own life.

Joe

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talaniman agrees: So right, a simple solution, but so hard to carry out. He has a lot of healing to do.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 07:05 AM   #4  
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We go to the same church, should I stop going? and if I am her best friend - which she says I am is it wrong to just leave her alone? Shouldn't I "fight" for our love?

It's so hard to know what to do, especially when your heart does the thinking.
Thanks for the advice.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 07:10 AM   #5  
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How do push the one and only best-friend you have away, especially when you know that person has been your rock and that you can always rely/depend on them?
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 08:07 AM   #6  
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Righthearted]We go to the same church, should I stop going? and if I am her best friend - which she says I am is it wrong to just leave her alone? Shouldn't I "fight" for our love?
She is confused so you can't take what she says as absolute, and no contact does not mean not being sociable. You can be nice and be brief. Also read the other threads to know what happens when you fight for your love. It always pushes them further away and your left more confused, and even more heartbroken.

It's so hard to know what to do, especially when your heart does the thinking.
Thanks for the advice
That's the whole point of NO CONTACT, it allows you to get over the emotional trauma of a break up, and get healthy so you can make decisions based on the facts, and not the feelings. Yes this is a hard period in your life, so get healthy, and build a life that you enjoy without her. Its the process of healing, and as you get healthy you will feel better, and deal with things on a better level.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 08:16 AM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Righthearted
How do push the one and only best-friend you have away, especially when you know that person has been your rock and that you can always rely/depend on them?
Not how, but why. She is confused, and not focused on you or your feelings. The only thing she cares about is how she feels right now. This is something you must accept.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 01:17 PM   #8  
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Quote:
"I feel like this is the best thing for us right now. Daniel and I had some problems in our relationship and I honestly just could not see us moving forward together. It was a really hard decision to make and I truly feel like I lost my best friend, but at the same time I feel a sense of freedom now. Daniel was such a big part of my life. He was all I knew. I am going through a huge transition now that I am done with school. I am trying to figure out what I want to do and who I want to be and I just feel like I need to do that for me before I can settle down with someone else. Daniel has 14 years of life experience that I don't have which I think he forgot sometimes. I just feel like I need some me time. In college I had a plan and now that I am out of college and things aren't going quite as planned I feel a little lost. I told Daniel I needed space, and it was really hard for him to hear. I care about him so much and I never meant to hurt him. I do need time to be my own person though."
What do I do?!? Should I contact her in a couple weeks or wait for her to contact me.
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 03:43 PM   #9  
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You should maintain no contact and let yourself heal. I assume this is a lette she wrote you????
Quote:
I do need time to be my own person though."
What part of no contact has you confused here??
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Old Apr 29, 2007, 03:44 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
You do nothing.

You move on.

Maybe one day she will be ready or maybe not. It is not your problem now.

What you need to do is leave her alone and move on.

Like Tal said, do not wait on a maybe. That is not living your own life.

Joe
Some people do not get it when they read it the first time, so here is it again.
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