My gf for 2 years has asked for a break to figure out how she feels. She's 23 and Im 25. I've read other posts and this seems normal to happen. She lost some feelings during the relationship and wants to know how she really feels. It's been a couple of days since this break. She says that she still cares and wants to be with me, but scared of whats could happen. Also she said that she wants to explore, at least thats part of the message I am getting.

I've been given her space and did what others have been saying, DON'T CALL. She has called me twice since the break. We talked about how hard it is for each other and that we miss each other. It doesn't lead anywhere because she's not sure. She does offer that I can call anytime. I'm confused, I think she wants to be together, but seems like she doesnt.

I think she is getting tired of hearing how I feel about her and realized I need to give her space. But we have school together. What do I do? Will giving her space, appear I don't care? Is this a test? Seems like she wants me there, but that conflicts with whats shes tellin me.

GlindaofOz

Plain and simple here. She cannot straighten out her confusion while still talking to you. If she needs to sort her feelings she can't do that with you telling her how you feel.

She needs to stop calling you and figure out what she wants. Right now she is stringing you along while she gets her stuff together. I would tell her plain and simple that you understand she is confused but you know its not helping her to continue talking so tell her to take a few weeks to figure out what she wants to do and to call ONLY once she has decided what she wants.

needofhelp

What about class and hw? She had asked that we talk but not about the relationship. Is that possible? Is this an opening for a rebound to come in?

I don't want to upset her or make her think I don't care.

GlindaofOz

Find someone else to study with.

Let me say it again. She is confused. Continuing to spend time with you, talk to you, etc will cause her more confusion and will have stringing you along while she "figures everything out".

So if you don't want her to be upset then tell her that you need her to do this because it hurts not knowing where you stand - as I imagine it does- and you don't feel its fair to you to not know where you stand. Tell her that you will talk again once she figures out she wants to do.

Right now you are on a break which means that she can do whatever she wants since she is not in a relationship. She could be talking to other guys while trying to figure everything out.

Wondergirl

You must set boundaries. There should be NO discussion or conversation about your relationship. If you have to talk with her otherwise, do so, but don't seek her out any more than you seek out anyone. Like Glinda said (and I keep quoting Glinda on every question I respond to....), tell your gf that you aren't mad at her but will deal with her only as you deal with anyone else until she makes a decision.

needofhelp

Im getting confused and trying so hard to do it right. We normally go home after class together. She expected to see me afterward, but I said that I would go home on my own. She replied that if thats what will help me. I told her that its to give her space. I feel that she wanted to see me, but now I upset her.

We had agreed in the beginning that it would be no problem to go home together afterward. I changed my mind and thought she needs more space. Did I do the right thing?

GlindaofOz

YES!

You deserve to do what makes you feel good! So what if she gets upset. She is the one who asked for this break. When you play games or want "breaks" because you're "confused" you get what you ask for.

you don't have to pretend to be ecstatic about this situation if you are not.

talaniman

If you read other posts on this forum, you will see the same pattern over and over. One partner wants a break, and is confused about what they want, but the couple continues to talk to each other, with the false hope of getting back together, until the confusion turns to anger and resentment and they can accept the relationship is over. The advice is always the same in these cases, Have no contact with each other, and be unavailable for her calls or text, and keep it brief and impersonal, if contact is made, so you can let go, and heal enough to move on with your own life, and make healthy decisions for yourself. Sorry guy, but all you can do is NOT be as confused as she is. As Glinda has said, she is just keeping you around in the friendzone, just in case this exploring herself doesn't work out as she hoped. Not fair, so don't take it.

mckenzie134

Mate let her know, the break is not what you want. Tell her yourve thought about it and if its a break she needs then its over.

Tell her you decided you dont do breaks. Its siimple mate if she wants you she will be back

Ive experienced thius before and your thinking at the moment i can just stay in touch and well i donbt want to be mean and i dont want to make her think i dont want the relationship!!!

She knows how you feel DONT TELL HER!!!! She needs to miss you she needs to realise

Flyguy1784

I feel your pain on this one pal. I went through something just like this with my EX and I was so confused just like you are right now. Listen to the members of this site and go no contact it isn't mean it is just the best way to help you move on. No contact was the best thing that I did in my situation and after three months of no contact I was over her. I don't know how long it will take you but you have to move forward and who knows what will happen in the future but right now she doesn't want to be with you so why would you wait around for her. Good luck and keep your mind off of her!!!