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sorry an old joke... there are two types of women - crazy and those that haven't reached their potential yet.
i'm sure you guys get tired of hearing the same BS but at least i can vent some here and maybe bounce around some ideas.
CHAPTER 1
7 years ago i met the woman of my dreams. before i had time to make my move, she moved several states away to live with this younger guy she met.
needless to say, i did what i could to stay in contact with her over the years. sometimes she worked at places that gave her internet access and she would email me. every so often she would call. we were really good friends but i made it clear that i was always more interested that just being friends.
3 years ago she started telling me about the things she couldn't stand about her boyfriend. he was very private but spied on her email or instant messaging with log programs. she came home from work to find him hanging out with a random girl in their apartment. he left her crying a lot to go hang out with his buddies (who she says worship him). she caught him reading some porn story about a dad molesting his daughter. she said his sex drive was crap (1x per month). they always lived in apartments or houses with a bunch of other younger people who are dropouts and party people. this guy makes like $10 an hour and dropped out of high school. he doesn't have cable tv, internet, -- normal stuff. he was always very careful to keep her as isolated from her friends and family (in another state mind you) is the way i took it. she left him at least four or five times over the years, but always came back.
CHAPTER 2
she left him rather hurriedly one day after he threatened to hurt her and pulled her hair or something. she packed up and drove home. 4 months pass and she is at home living with her mom. we get back in touch and im thinking, this is cool, she is broken up with the loser for several months now. so i go see her and i fall hard. pretty soon she moves in with me and we play "house". i love it, except for the fact that i have cable tv, internet, telephones, cell phones, etc.
so naturally loser boy starts sending emails, posting myspace messages about how much he misses her and he can't stand that she is with ME of all people. at one point he tells her he'll kill me. (i could so kick his scrawny ). she'll tell him to leave her alone and he cools off for several weeks but before i know it he has called or done something else. at one point she had called him!! he kept saying things to get her back, about how this religious dream she had was true and how god wants her to be with him.
during the times he was not contacting her she was in great spirits, energetic, etc. whenever he started up, she would start sleeping a lot and not being herself. i could tell she had a lot on her mind.
CHAPTER 3
so two years pass and she comes to me one day and sits me down and says she is moving out in two weeks. she is moving several states away again to live with a "friend" in the same city as loser boy. in fact, he is flying in to ride in the car on the trip. she's supposed to pick him up at the airport on her way out of town.
she says that she feels like she needs closure of her old relationship and she is convinced that he treated her badly because she wasn't on antidepressants then. she says she is clear minded now and can call him out on his bull.
naturally i start crying because i love her. she starts crying and starts second guessing whether she should go. she says she has this emotional bag that she has to get rid of and i deserve her 100%, not 95%. she asks me what she should do several times throughout the week as i waited for her to leave. she says to think of it as if she is going on vacation, and she is probably coming back really soon. i said that i wish we could find another way to resolve the mental anguish she had (was causing her to sleep a lot and basically be stressed/depressed). she said she thought long and hard and this was the only way. she also mentioned something about having second guesses as to being secure with me because i haven't talked to her about marriage and loser boy says he would marry her tomorrow. she says she knows i dont like the fact that she smokes and she can't quit yet. she says shes never been in a relationship as good as ours, and that we never fight and get along so well and that it was really rare and special.
as she drove off into the sunset (literally), she yells out the car window, "i'm coming back!"
i walked back inside and proceeded to be so sick to my stomach that i threw up. the next 2 weeks were a series of emotions. week one was flat out grief and depression. week two was more of the same but with some anger and resentment.
CHAPTER 4
i really feel like she is the one for me, and have come to a certain peace by having faith that she will once again realize what a loser the guy is and come back for good. i mean, loser boy doesn't even compare to me. he is destined for a minimum wage junkie type existence whereas i have a house, a great job, an education, and a level of maturity and responsibility.
It's her loss. I'm not sure she was with you for friendship with benefits or is just not sure yet what she wants in life, but something is still making her 'itch'
She's itching for you to put a ring on her finger and at least she was being honest about that. But.. think hard... Is she willing to give up her current lifestyle and settle with (or even for) you?
Please don't place any one in the center of your universe because I sense a big black hole out there somewhere and I don't want you being drawn into it.
While you are waiting for her to grow up, please don't put your life and goals on hold, get to know other people, enjoy life. And if and when she does come back make sure she left her outdated garbage where it belongs.
We are here for you, and I wish you all the best, and I sincerely hope it all woks out the way you want it to.
She got on the antidepressants because she wasn't and still isn't over him. She rebounded into you, notice the quick move in together. Then every time he contacts she is depressed thinking about him.
I feel for you bro. This is an immature little girl who never got over this douchbag and shows no respect for you. (Her daddy was probably the same as this moron) I hate these people who are so selfish as to use someone else to get over their pain but cause a whole new trail of hurt.
She will go back to him, the same drama will happen and then she will start contacting you in 6-9 months. But unfortunately, you are second best. Been there before.
You need to tell her, either you come back right now or never talk to me again and mean it. Time to be a total prick, no more nice guy. Obviously she responded to this cause this was how the other guy acted. Unfortunately, without the unselfish love, she is ruined property.
Take the long hard road again and try and find someone that gives you the respect that you deserve.
sorry an old joke... there are two types of women - crazy and those that haven't reached their potential yet.
i'm sure you guys get tired of hearing the same BS but at least i can vent some here and maybe bounce around some ideas.
CHAPTER 1
7 years ago i met the woman of my dreams. before i had time to make my move, she moved several states away to live with this younger guy she met.
needless to say, i did what i could to stay in contact with her over the years. sometimes she worked at places that gave her internet access and she would email me. every so often she would call. we were really good friends but i made it clear that i was always more interested that just being friends.
3 years ago she started telling me about the things she couldn't stand about her boyfriend. he was very private but spied on her email or instant messaging with log programs. she came home from work to find him hanging out with a random girl in their apartment. he left her crying a lot to go hang out with his buddies (who she says worship him). she caught him reading some porn story about a dad molesting his daughter. she said his sex drive was crap (1x per month). they always lived in apartments or houses with a bunch of other younger people who are dropouts and party people. this guy makes like $10 an hour and dropped out of high school. he doesn't have cable tv, internet, -- normal stuff. he was always very careful to keep her as isolated from her friends and family (in another state mind you) is the way i took it. she left him at least four or five times over the years, but always came back.
CHAPTER 2
she left him rather hurriedly one day after he threatened to hurt her and pulled her hair or something. she packed up and drove home. 4 months pass and she is at home living with her mom. we get back in touch and im thinking, this is cool, she is broken up with the loser for several months now. so i go see her and i fall hard. pretty soon she moves in with me and we play "house". i love it, except for the fact that i have cable tv, internet, telephones, cell phones, etc.
so naturally loser boy starts sending emails, posting myspace messages about how much he misses her and he can't stand that she is with ME of all people. at one point he tells her he'll kill me. (i could so kick his scrawny ). she'll tell him to leave her alone and he cools off for several weeks but before i know it he has called or done something else. at one point she had called him!! he kept saying things to get her back, about how this religious dream she had was true and how god wants her to be with him.
during the times he was not contacting her she was in great spirits, energetic, etc. whenever he started up, she would start sleeping a lot and not being herself. i could tell she had a lot on her mind.
CHAPTER 3
so two years pass and she comes to me one day and sits me down and says she is moving out in two weeks. she is moving several states away again to live with a "friend" in the same city as loser boy. in fact, he is flying in to ride in the car on the trip. she's supposed to pick him up at the airport on her way out of town.
she says that she feels like she needs closure of her old relationship and she is convinced that he treated her badly because she wasn't on antidepressants then. she says she is clear minded now and can call him out on his bull.
naturally i start crying because i love her. she starts crying and starts second guessing whether she should go. she says she has this emotional bag that she has to get rid of and i deserve her 100%, not 95%. she asks me what she should do several times throughout the week as i waited for her to leave. she says to think of it as if she is going on vacation, and she is probably coming back really soon. i said that i wish we could find another way to resolve the mental anguish she had (was causing her to sleep a lot and basically be stressed/depressed). she said she thought long and hard and this was the only way. she also mentioned something about having second guesses as to being secure with me because i haven't talked to her about marriage and loser boy says he would marry her tomorrow. she says she knows i dont like the fact that she smokes and she can't quit yet. she says shes never been in a relationship as good as ours, and that we never fight and get along so well and that it was really rare and special.
as she drove off into the sunset (literally), she yells out the car window, "i'm coming back!"
i walked back inside and proceeded to be so sick to my stomach that i threw up. the next 2 weeks were a series of emotions. week one was flat out grief and depression. week two was more of the same but with some anger and resentment.
CHAPTER 4
i really feel like she is the one for me, and have come to a certain peace by having faith that she will once again realize what a loser the guy is and come back for good. i mean, loser boy doesn't even compare to me. he is destined for a minimum wage junkie type existence whereas i have a house, a great job, an education, and a level of maturity and responsibility.
at least my dog keeps the bed warm at night.
It seems she isn't really a catch. I'm sure you perceive her to be so great, but she just seems terribly impulsive and confused. I have to turn it around and ask you why it is you have clung around to someone so not worth it. Why are you still chasing this woman after so many years? Don't you think you are better than to be second place for a decade?
When she is driving away and she yelled "im coming back" it just seems like she is fooling with you. She doesn't seem like a very good person at all. You have to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you haven't tried to find someone who actually cares for you. It just seems like you're a toy to her. I think you are clinging to this girl because she treats you like dirt. Perhaps it's time you seek some therapy. Perhaps it is you that requires an introspective look on your life. You are senselessly hurting yourself. Forget her and seek resolution of these issues. Godspeed!
wow, this sounds like the movie Forest Gump. If you haven't seen it,Watch it. I think she probably gave Forest a disease in the end and they left that part out. Jenay was worthy of his love and sounds like your girl isn't worthy of you either. Bittersweet should not be good enough for you.
In many ways, your behavior towards HER is just like HER behavior towards "LOSER GUY". Have you dated other girls? What about this girl is so special that you kept in touch, tried so hard, and ultimately let yourself get hurt for? Is she really that special or is it ALL IN YOUR HEAD?
I think you should take your own advice that you wish she took. You want her to forget about "LOSER GUY". You should forget about LOSER GIRL. I'm sure she cares for you to some degree which is not just her using you. But it's not enough.
I think ilovecali says a mouthful with "take your own advice." You've been letting her toy with your feelings all this time. It's up to you to say "enough is enough" and "no more." There are plenty of single, eligible women out there who I'm sure would love a chance to be with someone such as yourself. Get out there and start pursuing them.
In many ways, your behavior towards HER is just like HER behavior towards "LOSER GUY". Have you dated other girls? What about this girl is so special that you kept in touch, tried so hard, and ultimately let yourself get hurt for? Is she really that special or is it ALL IN YOUR HEAD?
It's not like I sat around doing nothing for years waiting exclusively for her. I dated other girls and enjoyed myself. However, I've yet to meet someone other than her that does it for me. I don't know what it is. If I found a better girl believe me I would upgrade.
I'll keep my eyes open for new opportunities, but the chances are real slim based on past experience.
It's not like I sat around doing nothing for years waiting exclusively for her. I dated other girls and enjoyed myself. However, I've yet to meet someone other than her that does it for me. I don't know what it is. If I found a better girl believe me I would upgrade.
I'll keep my eyes open for new opportunities, but the chances are real slim based on past experience.
An UPGRADE??
Oh, well, I guess you still have your sense of humor about you.
IMO since you are still stuck on something about her, date, but don't look for something serious yet, you can't handle it because you are still in the healing process.
Time is the only thing that will help here and it depends on what you do with it. Use it constructively by figuring out exactly what you want - and stay away from rebounds. Don't get 'itchy' yourself and don't let further excesss baggage into your life.
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