My gf went on a break with me about a week ago. She said that she was unhappy and needed time and space. I know you all suggest NO CONTACT, but my situation is a bit sticky because she still wants to hang out with me and we also take the same university class together, where we usually sit together. My question is...Should I try to be more aggressive with NC and decline to hang out when she asks, and not sit with her in class? Or should I remain distant but still be there for her?

talaniman

She ask for a break, give it to her. That means no hanging out, or being there for her, as this leads to the friends zone. It also means being friendly and polite in class, but BRIEF! No calls to her or from her. Be busy, and unavailable. How can you give someone a break, and still be there the same as you were together?? You can't so don't try. She wants you as before but with no attachments, in other words, as a friend, to keep her from being lonely, with nothing to do. Yes, she will wonder why you have backed off, and why you can't be just friends, so what. Guard your own heart, or she will tear it from your chest, and whether this is intentional, or not, it hurts like hell just the same.
YES!
NO! She will never miss your company that way, as she will have you, when she wants you. That does YOU no good. Your on a break, and in my book that means she doesn't want an official relationship with you, and is open to other options. Maybe you should be open to YOUR other options, and before you give me the old " I'm in love, I want her back" that not up to me or you, and she obviously is not loving you at this time, so, NO BEGGING! SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

chuff

Havok,

Tal's advice is spot on. I can't even add anything to it. But I will tell you exactly what will happen if you keep talking to her. She will use you for your friendship and then leave the friendship on her terms. You can never give more then 50% and when you do as this situation demostrates she sees it as weak and WILL take advantage of it. She understand emotions better then you so demostrate through silence that you understand her game and play it right back. You are a strong man who is unmoved by her choices.

She may have asked for the break and she did so on her terms and now wants to keep you around. This is the only power you have right now and that is silence. It's a power that sucks and it's one that you will want to fight but you must challenge yourself as well as her. She wanted a break and then she wanted you to stay around so now you must prove to her that you are stronger then she believes and the only way to do that is leave the situation all together.

hav0k

i guess i should be a little more clear and provide a more detailed explanation.

the thing is I believe she went on this break not because she wanted to see other people. she told me that she still loved me but couldn't have a boyfriend right now, because shes at a very stressful point struggling with her schoolwork and other social obligations. it has been a very hard and busy time for her this year and i believe that i did, in part, drive her away by making her feel obligated to spend the little free time that she did have with me (though she keeps telling me i was a perfect boyfriend). but she even said that we will get back together very soon, like less than a month. when we do hang out she acts like we're still together (basically do everything but kiss). i don't know what to make of this situation

talaniman

How old are you two?????

kp2171

doesnt change a thing from the above advice.

one girl broke up with me because she didnt want to date anyone at that time. a month later, she was dating someone else.

not saying its going to play that way... but its one thing to say im with you but i need to focus on other stuff, so im going to be with you, but im going to be busy.

here, she cut the ties. shes holding you hostage, since you are willing to wait. in the meantime, she gets her space, has control, and gets to choose whatever she wants in the end.

at the very least, id be a little pi$$ed. doesnt mean walk away yet, but stop being there for her so much. dont be a butler. what?... she doesnt have unlimited time for you, but you are willing to be there for her whenever she needs to see you?

if she wants a break, make it a break. that means she doesnt get the comfort of you being available when she needs a shoulder. unless you just want to be a girlfriend.

i know, i know. you dont want to lose her. well what about yourself? are you willing to lose yourself for someone else?

her points might be valid. if she doesnt feel like she can date right now, thats fine. its not evil. its not even mean. its where she is, if its true. but that doesnt mean its right for you. at the very least, id emotionally step back.

if you get back together, she has to explain why this wont happen everytime she gets busy. again... its one thing to ask for more space when you are busy... its another to say lets break up for a time.

Chery

She wants a buddy now - and if you can handle that, fine. But, I doubt it.
Couples can share time together even under stress, as long as you allow her to study and go out for fresh air and not be demanding. If you did all these things and respected her space, then she wants out. Don't stop living your life and enjoying things you like to do, and don't stay home alone being sad... you deserve better. If she comes around, fine, if not - oh well, another bit of experience that helps you grow - just like millions of other people - we do survive, honest.

Never place another person in the center of your universe - treat yourself better.

hav0k

To answer Tal's question -> we're both 20

And in response to others ->
She has expressed a few times before when we were dating that she needed space, which I did not give to her. As a boyfriend, I'd say I was pretty demanding. So, I do partially feel like I forced her into this situation. Although she still claims I was a good boyfriend, I do believe this to be the source of her unhappiness.

I don't know...maybe I'm in denial and maybe im putting her on a pedastel. I'm still trying to figure this whole situation out myself. Thoughts please?

chuff

Here are my thoughts. You are not listening to a damn thing anybody is telling you. Do not put her on a pedastal. Do not contact her. Do not talk to her. Do the exact opposite of everything you are thinking of doing.

She told you she needed space so she could drop you at a moments notice. Quit making excuses for her behavior. Maybe you were not perfect but she is the one who dumped you and you can't even see what happened.

I am telling you, you are killing this situation. Stop it. Just stop. She wants a man, solid like a rock and you are going back and forth and worst of all you are not listening. DO NOT TALK TO HER. DO NOT ENGAGE IN SELF PITY. DO NOT START MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER BEHAVIOR. Everybody who has posted here has given you the same advice in different words. Tal's advice is one of his better posts ever and you still ignore it. DO NOT TALK TO HER.

talaniman

If you were that good why does she need space? Simply give her what she asked for. All the space she can handle and then some.