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    Aprilmay12's Avatar
    Aprilmay12 Posts: 33, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Sep 3, 2010, 09:03 AM
    My boyfriend's new roommates
    The last couple of guys I've dated both turned out to be real jackasses. But about 4 months ago I found myself a real winner. We have a mature relationship with a lot of love and honest communication. And not only is he cute as hell, but he treats me well too.

    He recently got a new job in the city where I live and has decided to move there for the shorter drive and to be closer to me. I personally do not want to live with a boyfriend unless I know I'm going to marry him (def. not ready for that yet), so he's been looking for other roommates.

    Let me just say that I'm not one of those crazy jealous girls who give the rest of us a bad name. I'm very passive and try to avoid drama. I'm not here to control anyone's life but my own. I trust my boyfriend and he trusts me. Having said that, I feel very insecure about the fact that my boyfriend has found new roommates who are two very attractive blonde girls. I've never felt this kind of insecurity before. But something about the whole situation seems a little inappropriate. It hasn't helped that my male friends told me that I should probably worry because "in the end, guys are guys" and my mom didn't have anything better to say, she said she would feel the same way. I haven't said much about how I feel to my boyfriend because he's excited to move here and I'm not sure if I even have a valid reason to be upset.

    I'm used to girls hitting on him and so far I have trusted him 100%, but naturally, you get close with roomies, and I just can't help these feelings.

    I suppose I just want to know if this is a normal situation and if it works out for other people. Or should I be a little worried? What kind of conversation do I have with him to put myself at ease with his new living arrangements? Any advice from the outside perspective really helps, thanks!
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
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    #2

    Sep 3, 2010, 09:18 AM

    You sound like an extremely level headed and mature woman But who would want their boyfriend living with two attractive females. This isn't "three's company". You may have comlete trust in him, but you still need to talk to him about how this puts you into a very uncomfortable position.

    You might try asking him how he would feel if you decided to room with two males. I think you know the answer to that, and if he doesn't want to put some undo strain on what sounds to be a wonderful relationship, he will make other living arraingements as soon as he can.

    It's just a matter of showing respect and the willingness to compromise even if your intentions are honorable.

    Of course, we know you can't put a leash around him and if he is going to stray from you, it can happen anytime, anywhere. But there are other alternatives to living arraingements, and unless there is absolutely no other choice, he needs to eexplore them further.
    Just Looking's Avatar
    Just Looking Posts: 1,610, Reputation: 480
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    #3

    Sep 3, 2010, 09:40 AM


    You do sound like a mature, level-headed person. I don't think it's a normal circumstance and I can understand your concern, but you asked if it works out for other people. It can, depending on the people. One of my best friends is a guy and his roommate is female. They didn't know each other before moving in, but had mutual friends from college. They've roomed together for 3 years now and it's been strictly platonic, and has worked out really well. My friend is a good-looking guy, and his roommate is beautiful, smart and has a great personality. They both were in serious relationships. He just got engaged and she just broke up with her boyfriend. His fiancée (who is now in school across the nation) has become friends with the roommate.

    If I were you, I'd talk to him about how you feel. If he goes ahead with the plan, get to know the girls and become friends, if possible. The key for them is setting up boundaries and understanding relationships. My friend is friendly with his roommate, but they rarely hang out together - and that was usually with their SO's.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Sep 3, 2010, 09:07 PM

    You either trust him, or you don't. You say you communicate great, then talk to him about your fears and insecurities, but don't let them get you carried away. That's when the trouble starts. To get some reassurance, you get to know these girls a bit, so you at least know what your dealing with.

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