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I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he wont marry me. I have talked to him about it for years and he sais that we will soon and then changes the subject.. After a few years of saying that he finally started saying that he is not ready because he feels like a child and that he is not ready to get married and plus the financial situation but that is just an excuse.
I feel very used and hurt but yet I continue to stay with him, I have become disgusted at him lately to the point where I don't even want to look at him. He sais that if I don't like it to leave and today I got very angry and I told him to leave and that I can't stand him and his attitude. I feel like I lost and waisted 7 years with him lying to me and using me the whole time but in the back of my mind I know that I should have left him a long time ago. When I told him to leave, he just took it like a joke and started watching tv..
This made my really angry that he just acts like he can use me and not take me serious when I asked him to leave. He said that when his program on tv went off then he would leave, he doesn't sound like he cared at all in the least or like I am not serious.
We do not have any kids in the seven years we have been together and I feel so used by him, I have watched my friends my age get married and have many kids and I want that too but I do feel that if I stay with him that I will never be happy. I am not happy and everyday I tell him my feelings and he just shrugs it off and doesn't care that I am hurting. He basically tells me to wait and he will marry me and to have patience but I keep thinking that will never come. I have left him once but he begged for me to come back and said that h would marry me soon but that was a few years ago, so I have been feeling this way for a while.
It is also embarressing when my family and friends ask me when am I going to get married and I just shrug my shoulders because I am speechless and my boyfriend will say soon.. But he has been saying soon to everyone who asks for the past 6 years.
I do feel like he is immature because he is 38 years old, he has no kids and has never been married and he can't save money very well. I want him to change in many ways but I am realizing that he wont and it would take a lot for him to change.
Put a fork in it, cause it's done. Be done with him. He apparently is more concerned about himself than you. Be strong, definitive about being done with him, and make sure he knows where the door is. You are accepting far less than you deserve.
Well... if you strongly dislike him, then there's no reason to be with him. More importantly, if he isn't ready to commit and you are, then there are different levels of maturity, and it especially shows when you said that he said soon but later said he wasn't ready. Kick him to the curb and don't take him back unless you're willing to risk the same thing happening again or if he has truly changed and is kneeling in front of you with an engagement ring in his hands and a date set for your wedding. Best wishes and hope everything works out for you.
Our relationship used to be really good and now I feel that I am changing some too and it is going down hill because I do realize that I am being used. I do not even sleep in the same bed as him, this has to do with my back mostly but it honestly does not bother me at all that we do not sleep in the same bed. Our sexual relationship has changed a lot too, I am just too disgusted with him and hardly in the mood but maybe once a month if that. I sort of feel like we are "friends" just living and rooming together and nothing more most of the time!
As far as a relationship we do not spend near as much time together as we used to and I do feel that I have lost a lot of feelings for him, probably because of him not wanting to marry me that has made me lost interest but for some reason I want the releationship to work and I don't want to lose him. I guess I feel like I have a lot of effort in the relationship and this is really my first big relationship that I have ever had and maybe some has to do with not wanting to be alone.
I do have a lot of love for him still but now when I see him I am disgusted at a few things, first his spending habits because we could have a lot if it wasn't for that and secondly his not wanting to commit nor have kids. I am basically so disgusted that everyday I don't want to look at him because I know our lives are going no where. He knows how I feel and when he sees that I am in pain and thinking about it when I am ignoring him, he does not mention it or anything but just pretends like everything is okay and is laughing and joking, etc. He will not ask me what is the matter because he knows exactly what it is and by him not responding that really hurts me. Eventually I will give in and I will say hey I am mad at you and disgusted and the situation and he will be like I told you before so drop the subject. He wont say he told me what or anything but he will say those words, I told you before and that is it because he automatically knows what is wrong with me.
Before I mentioned marriage and family to him probably once every 3 months for the first several years of our releationship and we would argue about it and I would drop the subject for a while but for the past 6 months I have been on him every single day and it has been bothering me more than it used to bug me.
Something is wrong with this story... You say he is a jerk because he will not marry you and then you say you have been unhappy for years, yet your still there after 7 years.
Why do you want him to marry you if he treats you so bad. Your a special Lady and should be treated that way.
What is honestly going on. Are you mad because he puts off getting married. If thats the only reason your Mad, after 7 years deal with it and enjoy what you have. That paper that says your married isn't going to change your life or at least shouldn't. If there are other problems and you both can't work them out leave. Why stay in an unhappy home.
If he really is a jerk and doesn't care, show him by packing up your things and finding your own place to live. You don't have kids so you can live almost anyplace.
He wont sign a piece of paper, oh my god! dump him!.
He's been with u for seven years and you wona throw that away because he wont marry you?!?!?
Remember guys dont like being naged at because of leaving the toilet seat up, so after 6yr's of you saying to get married and he's still there...... he must love you but his patience and love is most likely very thin now.
either way you two would still be the same people so why bother?!?!?!
Remember, 'marriage is the best way to wreck a perfect relationship'
He has commitment issue and he will never marry anyone without those issues being addressed, and resolved. Time to go, and find your own happiness and don't settle for less than you deserve. Good Luck.
I agree with Fr_Chuck and Tal, he will not marry you because he does not have to. You sleep with him, do his dirty laundry, are there for him 24/7, cook and clean.. Hes not going to marry you because he does not have to. Thats why living together before marriage is not the best idea. If he has not married you in 7 years then hes not going to do it anytime soon. You said that you knew a long time ago that you should of left him. Thats your gut instinct talking. You feel used and sad and I am really sorry for your pain. However, do not let this jerk use you anymore. You can find a better man. At the end of the day when its all said and done, can you imagine being married to him and having his kids?
What I don't understand is why would you want to marry him if you are not happy with the relationship in the 1st place? Do you honestly think that getting married to him is going to solve all of the problems in this relationship?
If you are losing interest level in him then why would you want to marry him? Why would you get upset about the fact that he has not married you when you are losing your feelings for him anyway?
I don't see his procrastination to marry you as the problem here. I see other problems on his end with this relationship that have lowered your interest level in him. If he's got all these problems then getting married won't solve it.
I doubt his tendency to put off marriage would get you this upset if he were doing 97% of the things right. That is if he met 97% of the qualities you were looking for in a man. You would not dump him for this one issue alone. Sounds like what you are saying is that if he went ahead and married you now then you'd be happy regardless of how lousy of a husband he will be.
Then I would examine why you want to get married? Is it because all your friends are doing it? If all your friends jumped off the golden gate bridge does that mean you have to follow in their footsteps? Or do you just want to get married for the sake of getting married? Sounds like you are under alot of pressure from society, friends, & family.
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