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Home > Family & People > Relationships   »   My boyfriend wont have sex with me

 
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 06:58 AM
jujewbean
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My boyfriend wont have sex with me

Hi I am posting this question because I dont know what else to do. I have been in this relationship for over 13 months now and I am more confused by the day. we havent had sex now in almost 9 months. Masterbation is getting boring and I wont stoop to cheating on him its not my style at all.
I will admit alot of drama has gone down in the last 6 months or so but he has a way of twisting things around so that it is always my fault. He refers to sex as being the frosting on the cake and claims until our relationship is back on tract and he is able to trust me again with his feelings that he wont have sex with him. He continually asks me not to push him. If I try to kiss, hug, or show any kind of indication that I want to have sex with him he simply moves farther away from giving it to me. IS IT ME. I am an attractive woman who gets asked out my many people on a weekly basis. I dont want another man, I want this one. I love him very much. It seems like everyone that I talk to has the same answer dump his and move on he dont love you, or he is using you. Well using me for what? I dont understand.
He tells me he loves me or should I say he replys to my I love you more often than just offering a simple I love you on his own. He says he is simple infact so simple that he is complicated. I have caught him in many, many lies in the past and I think he is now unable to trust that I trust him. Actually I'm not sure I do.
He hasnt slept here since March and this is now November. I am frustrated, annoyed, aggravated and feel semi insecure due to his actions. However I am an independant woman and able to stand on my own two feet at all times.
He lives with his parents at the age of 41 (why)? His mother seems to be the only person he will confide in with anything and to a point I can talk to her about things and she seems to keep our conversations in confidence.
He makes no effort to visit me other than maybe one day on the weekend but sometimes will go over two weeks without seeing me and seems to be unaffected by that even tho he knows it drives me insaine. But he calls me at least 6 times a day without fail. I usually have to lead the conversations but I try to talk about everything and anything except my emotions and feelings because all it does is aggravate him more and push him farther.
He has asked me on several occasions not to push him, but its hard not to feel what I feel. He also says just because thats what I want him to do does not mean that he will and makes me very informed that he will move at his pace and not mine. He tells me if I want to walk then thats what I should do. But he knows I wont. OMG....what the hell do I friggin do HELP !!!!!!!!!

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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:02 AM   #2  
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WOW! Lots of red flags. Lives with parents?

No sex.

You know the answer....shut him off .....new boy friend time. This is easy.
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:05 AM   #3  
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MMMM interesting. Not sure where to start actually.

Can i ask firstly why doesnt he trust you? What happened?
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:09 AM   #4  
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no boyfriend time.....jesus there isnt hardly any now. I know why he lives with his parents but he has been given the opportunity to live here several times and wont take it. I am like nuts over this whole thing. it makes me not sleep at night.
I try to make myself as unavaliable to him as possible but he gets annoyed if he cant find me. Oh well I say. but still I am in love with this guy and my emotions make it hard. There are many many good times..but why wont he hug me or even look me in the eye. If I ask he says STOP and here we go again with what he offers is never good enough and I always want more..
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:11 AM   #5  
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Why doesnt he trust you?

I think wildcat meant NEW boyfriend time
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:13 AM   #6  
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KRS...I never lied to him. He lies to me...his actions have caused my reactions I simply make him aware of my feelings and he dont like it. He says all I do is push...not true I want sex isnt that part of a relationship too.... As to what happened, I talked to someone whom I didnt know hated him and she filled me in on alot of his past and he got pissed that I did that. He says I should have told her to F**k off like he would have done and walked away and not listened to it. Then I got pissed and took all his crap out of my house and left it at his work for him to pick up...again he throws this in my face.. But I am so frustrated and at that point I had had enough...
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:16 AM   #7  
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"but why wont he hug me or even look me in the eye"

"He lies to me"

Please move on - it will be good for both of you.

Find a guy who is independent and you can have REAL intemacy with - this is not a relationship - it's not even a friendship.
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:18 AM   #8  
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I can sense your frustration.
Your boyfriend has serious issues girl. He need to pop a few chill pills, jesus! Besides he should forget it, while he isnt.

My advice would to tell him, you want a break. So it gives him time to sort his head out!
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:27 AM   #9  
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he says its hard to put behind him that I put his stuff to the curb sort of speaking. He seems to never be able to drop a subject. He wont even let me talk about having any kind of quality time...it only starts an argument about the same topic all the time. I have dumped out all my feelings at one point or another and he is receptive to them. he tells me he loves me but I am being selfish in being aggravated in not getting what I want. He says what about what he wants. He said our relationship is tight and strong enough and this will pass...but how much time to I waste? Do I wake up in a year and still be in the same bed...wow thats to long without sex...His idea of spending time on a weekend is playing cards with his parents..I drive there and he never makes even a suggestion of coming back to my house for some quality time together....who the hell does that...
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Old Nov 17, 2006, 07:28 AM   #10  
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Can i ask you.... ARE YOU HAPPY with him?

How long ago did this thing happen where u spoke to this person?
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