My boyfriend wants to go on a trip with a female friend
Hi everyone,
I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (I am an Indian and he is Caucasian) for 4 1/2 years now. Due to a family emergency he had to move to a different country and now we are in a long distance. Everything was going great till he told me that he has a long weekend off and that he is
going to travel to another country with a female friend. I have never met this girl and he has known her only for three months or so. This disturbed me a lot and when i objected he started protesting saying that she is just a friend and absolutely nothing is going to happen and stated that i am being prudish about it. I dont know at this point whether it is an indian thing or if any one would object to their other half taking off like that.
jellyfish1981, I understand you having a problem with this. How would HE react if you told HIM that you were going on a trip with a guy that HE didn't know?
As someone mentioned, you don't know the girl, or her motives. Maybe she will reveal a "crush" on him. Maybe she will knock on his door after hours. It HAS been a while since he saw you last.
No, this is a very inconsiderate thing for him to do.
My question is, if he knows this is upsetting you so much, why is he still doing it?
As far as the giving "reddies" for just for disagreeing, this is not accomplishing anything at all.
Comments on this post
Altenweg agrees: Here's a greenie for you. I only gave one reddie, the info was factually incorrect. I am innocent, innocent I tell you!
If you notice, I gave one too. It was for the comment concerning the REASON we give "reddies" in the first place. THAT was factually incorrect.
Comments on this post
Altenweg agrees: Here's a greenie for you. I only gave one reddie, the info was factually incorrect. I am innocent, innocent I tell you!
If you notice, I gave one too. It was for the comment concerning the REASON we give "reddies" in the first place. THAT was factually incorrect.
I have to look but I think that was the same one I reddied.
To answer the OP's question, no, not everyone would object, and quite a few people I know have done it, or would find it acceptable in this situation. It's just a 3-day trip and his gf is not available. He's not sneaking around, and it's not like he's planned a 2-week tour of Indonesia and hasn't invited his gf.
Some people have said it would be inappropriate. Well, different groups of people have different opinions on what's appropriate and what's not. If the man thinks some thing is perfectly ok and his gf finds it so inappropriate that she's prepared to break up with him over it.. well, I guess the question would be how they lasted 4 years anyway?
Yes, she's distressed. If he doesn't go, he'll be distressed too. Relationships are about compromising? If he doesn't go because his gf was upset, it's not compromising, it's him sacrificing his opportunity to go out and have fun in a new country he's been forced to relocate to.
Jelly let your guy to whatever he wants to, and then find a life without him.
If his behavior has crossed the lines of good behavior to you, then don't accept what he is doing, and end this thing, without regret. Its just not worth the aggravation, or the disrespect.
Whats telling the most is his mind was already made up, without input from his partner, and there was no room for talking about it.
You don't particularly sound like the over jealous type, so for whatever reason he has made this decision, its his to make.
You have been informed so what you do about it is up to you.
A guy who takes a vacation with another female and not uses it to see his girl, is the ultimate slap in the face as I see it!!!!!!!
Well sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the one you love. Compromising is if she has a problem with this and he acknowledges it then next time she will acknowledge his feelings. That is something beautiful but he is taking that away from the relationship and choosing a trip with someone else over her feelings.
I would not like it and it would begin to take away any trust I had and possibly some feelings.
Paxe, the point here is if you did have a problem with a situation, (don't tell me you would let anything go because then that's just not being a man and I doubt a girl would even want that) and your gf dismisses your feelings, you would feel terrible. If not then I must ask...Are you human?
Whether he goes on a trip or not is not the issue. His reply when she expressed concern was dismissive and that she was over-reacting is what I read that bothered her. That is the disrespect that indicates that this relationship is dissolving.
Long distance relationships require extra effort. This guy doesn't seem to want to work that hard.
Jellyfish, am I reading you wrong?
I wrote him a long email expressing all my concerns and why i think that him going on this trip is not acceptable to me. He responded back saying that he was "overwhelmed" by what i have written and said that it was never his intention to hurt me. He said he was really really sorry and regretted booking this holiday. However, what is bothering me is that even after apologizing and regretting his act he never volunteered to cancel his trip.
Let me paint a little picture for you. All you have to do is be honest, with us and with yourself.
Going by my assumption that you're male, I'm going to give you a girlfriend. It's my story, so I can do it.
You've been dating for 4 1/2 years, but family circumstances have kept you apart. You love her, she loves you, but you don't get to spend a lot of time together. Such is life, it doesn't diminish your love.
She gets a week off and decides to take a trip. She doesn't even ask you if you're available to go with her, but she does call to tell you that she met a guy a few months ago, they're friends, and they're going on the trip together.
She doesn't ask how you feel about it. She doesn't ask if you want to go with her and her friend. She's going, it's a done deal. They'll be sharing a hotel room and bed to save costs, but hey, they're just friends.
You don't like this idea (again, my story, so I can do this) and you tell her. She doesn't care, she's going whether you like it or not. Too bad, so sad, she'll call when she gets back.
You're okay with this?
It has nothing to do with the possibility of him cheating. It's that he doesn't care that his girlfriend, the one he supposedly loves, doesn't feel good about this, but he doesn't give a damn. He's going, boo hoo on her.
I must add here that he did not ask me because i don't have that time off work and I questioned him about sharing the room and he said that they would definitely have separate rooms. but i don't feel that that makes it any better.
Well the OP and her boyfriend are not married. I think things become a lot different when you get married. All I am saying is that you have been with this person for 3 1/2 years. If you feel that it isnt ok for him to go on this trip and he feels it isnt a big deal then there is a big disconnect. He should be able to go on this trip and shouldnt be held back by the one he loves. He can love her dearly and still want to go on this trip. She could always act this way with him which is why he gave her attitiude. The fact is we dont know the dymanics behind their realtionship. She ask if we thought she was over reacting. I think she is.
I would like to say here that I have always given him all the space he needs. i have never stopped him from going out with his friends and sometime back he wanted to go and visit a female friend who he has known for three years and who i have met. I really did not have any problem with that. I have problem with this girl who is his new found friend.
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