hi, i'm 17 years old and im having a problem with my boyfriend wanting to go to a strip club. im glad to say that hes not 18 yet, but i feel once he is hes going to want to go to one. Ive heard him say that he wants to go just once to see what its like, and that still really bothers me just to know he wants to. it makes me feel that i must not be good enough for him if he feels a need to want to go.

my feelings towards everything is if he truely loves me and is happy with me then he woudnt have a need to want to go. am i just over reacting over this? i know its a phase some guys go through but is it normal for a guy to want to go when he tells u that hes only in love with u?

to me i see going to a strip club as cheating. so im really unsure right now. hes always telling me he loves me and that he sees a future with us together, but i question that now because if he wants to be with me then he should be happy with just seeing me and not other girls naked. i guess im just wondering if i should be as worried and upset over this as i am or if this is a normal phase he'll get over so i should just relax and let this happen. id really appreciate any advise. Thanks

giggles

hey, i have to disagree! i think it comes down to a difference in values. Confused123, it sounds like you have a moral issue with your boyfriend going to these places, and he doesn't. I see this as a conflict involving your ideals. And fair enough if you don't agree with it: I can't tell you - "hey don't worry about it, all guys go to strip clubs, get over it!"
It's about how YOU feel about it him visiting strip clubs, not whether it is right or wrong morally to do so. A lot of the posts above (sorry guys it came across this way to me) were implying "hey don't worry about it, it's no big deal if he goes to a strip club." But I think this is about more than that.Don't compromise your beliefs just to keep the peace - this is how we deny ourselves fulfillment. It can go either way: you can tell yourself - "ok he goes there, i don't agree but he can do what he likes, he's a free person." OR you can tell yourself - "you know what, I don't agree with this for myself, so I don't want to be with someone who is into this either!" The choice is yours. If you can't set either a common bond of values, or accept each others' differences and "live and let live", you might have to walk away.
Im not sure im articulating this very well - im just trying to say it's up to you whether you accept he might want to do something you don't approve of. If you choose not to accept his choices, you might have to leave the relationship behind you.

bizygurl

Would you feel threatened if your girlfriend/wife went to a chipndales or male review? Think about it. Male strip places or reviews may not take everything off, but they do put on a show. Put it this way they will pull a woman onstage and dance and grind on her. Would you enjoy that if it was your girl? All Im saying is that it goes both ways. Guys need to think that if its okay to go to strip club with female strippers than you better not object when your girl wants to go to an all Male review. And Iv seen that scenario all too many times. Im in my late tewnties, and I don't let this bother me anymore since I know that if my guy does go (which is hardley ever now) I know who he's coming home too. Weve been together for a long time now and its different. I wouldn't get upset about it as much as I did when I was younger. But that doesn't mean that I think its okay for soomeone to do it whn the other has strong feelings againts it. The way my guy and I handled it was, we compromized, I said well if your going to do it regardless, then Im going to go to my own male reviews. He was pissed about it but what could he say? Eventually he stopped going because he felt it was a waste of money and he wasn't as into it as he use tobe when he was 21. I stopped going cause it was boring to me after awhile.


You may not be able to touch a stripper as apposed to a girl stripping for you privately that may be a difference, but your still looking at someone naked with lust that IS NOT your girlfriend or wife. Maybe to say its cheating is a bit of a stretch, but is it disrespectful if your with someone (when THEY have a problem with it) I mean come on your not gonna die if you don't go to a strip club. if you had a problem with your gal going to a male strip club would you expect the same thing? You have to put yourself in the others shoes. But it all comes down to how each individual views this I guess. And as always this is just my opinion.

blueiman

[quote=giggles]If you can't set either a common bond of values, or accept each others' differences and "live and let live", you might have to walk away.QUOTE]

people that are in relatinships need to let there partner do what they want to. of course as long as what they are doing is not detrimental to the relationship. i mean like my ex-girlfriend did what she wanted to. if something bothered me i would let her know. and that's it. i would not make a big deal about it. just tell your partner how you feel. it's up to your partner to decide what they want. they will do it with or without your consent. if you tell your partner you dont like it. and you partner continues. can you handle it?. if yes, fine go to the club with him. if no, then you have to bring it to the table again and explain how you feel. then make you decision if you want to cont with the relationship or not. dont do anything until you both agree with the issue you have. communicate my friend. you have to live with it.

nymphetamine

I think it bothers some women because of the fact that they dont just have table dances but some of them want to pull you back into dark little secluded rooms and I know they arent all innocent. My exhusband took a few back there and they didnt dance either if you catch my meaning.

blueiman

auh man. sorry to hear that. guys are so stupid with the sh%t they do. i mean what the. when you have a beautiful women give her everything. i would never go to a club and have some trashy dancer touch my sh&t. if i need lovin i would make a date with my girl. and make her fell good. you must of been crush when you found out. or, maybe you got even?

nymphetamine

Get even?? No, Im better than he is. There are times when I wish I had though just because I wanted to see him hurt like me. But like I said, Im better than him.

phillysteakandcheese

Is my perception of the strip club different?

Every dancer I've ever seen does a show that's about 10-15 minutes. In the first song, she mostly just dances around in her costume and I spend those minutes wondering who this girl is and what she does the other hours of the day when she's not on stage. In the second song, where she starts giving peeks at herself and starts peeling out of her costume, it's exciting to watch and I'm mostly thinking about her look and how she presents herself. During the last song, when she is mostly naked, I just have a big smile on my face. It's the same kind of happy smile I have when I see a celebrity I like. Repeat this three or four times, and then I am on my way.

I don't think I have "lust" in my heart when I see a girl dancing, and I certainly don't have any kind of torrid sexual illusion about how I'm her boyfriend for a night. I also most certainly don't equate a stripper with a hooker.

My handful of experiences have all been fun - the guys are good to hang out with, the music is good, the waitresses are friendly, and the dancers are professional (for lack of a better word).

And based on my own experiences, I have absolutely no problem with my wife going to an all male review - Even if they get to be a little more "touchy" with the entertainment.

bizygurl

Well that's great that you and your wife have a compromise, the same kind that my husband and I did back in the day. That does work. The only reason I brought up that paticular point because I have had a few friends who's husbands/bf were frequent strip club goers but when my friends wanted to go to ChipNDales it was like there men completely freaked out and had a fit. And the biggest thing was "Its different for men" When that is complete BS. No basically that's saying Im going to go look at naked woman stripping but you can't look at men because its different for men.

Im not saying the men here feel that way. I was just making a point that if one person feels that its important to them that they HAVE to go to a strip joint then it works both ways. That goes for woman too.
I don't think anyone here said that a stripper is equal to a hooker, although I can see why some would have that opinion.

DrJizzle

Okay, first with the whole "moral" issue... this is not an issue of morals, this is an issue of self-confidence. See here:


She also says that she sees it as cheating but only because she feels that becuase "if he wants to be with me then he should be happy with just seeing me and not other girls naked." The "moral" arguement here is bogus. Shes 17 and having sex but she has a moral issue against her boyfriend seeing another woman naked??

Often times, women get this idea that just because a man gets with her, that suddenly EVERY OTHER woman in the world suddenly become unattractive. It is in a mans nature to be "attractED," as it is in a womans nature to be "attractIVE." Thats just the way it is... you cant go against that. Woman are attractive and men are attracted to them... thats an instict to promote procreation that goes deeper than (almost) anything else.

And Bizygrl, dont take this personally but you are acting as if you had a moral issue with your bf going and the only way to make it right was for you to go see a male stripper.... thats just ridiculous. I have a little moral issue with murder but if my gf gets to do it, Im not going to go kill someone and call it even!?!

And for the record, no, I wouldnt have a problem with my gf going to see a male stripper.... in fact, she will be going to a bachelorette party in a month or so to do exactly that. And you are right, bizygrl... it is hypocritical of someone to assume its okay for them but not for their partner. "putting yourself in thier shoes" as you put it is the key to my relationship. There is not a thing that I do in my life that I dont first ask myself "how would I feel if she was doing this same thing." As I said before, as long as its not out of control and shes not doing this to substitute for anything else, I see no problem with it. Its just a fun night out with the girls. I am confident enough in myself and our relationship to be okay with that. That is what this all comes down to.

Confused123 is worried about this because she feels that she may not be good enough for her bf and that may be the reason he wants to go. "MAYBE" it is... but most likely, he is a young man turning 18 and thats just one of the things you do when you turn 18.

And as Phily and I both put it, men are not at these places groping themselves under the table have strange perversions over these girls. It is professional and if your a true Mac Daddy you keep it that way. If her man IS one of these sick perverts (that usually get bounced out at first sight) then she has OTHER problems.

Chery

Dear, your username certainly fits you. You seem to be confused about almost everything, and at your age, you should be learning, experiencing, and enjoying new things in life.
You don't own this young man, and he does not own you. And your thought about the 'cheating' part is not logical. There are many men and women who go to these types of clubs and enjoy the entertainment and then go home and that's that.
We are not in the dark ages, and he at least communicates with you and tells you what he'd like to do at least once - let him, and when old enough, check out a club with a few girlfriends too. Then, both of you will have had the 'experience' and be able to say 'been there, done that', and go on with your lives and not think you missed out on something. The thought of missing out on things is what usually ruins a relationship, and if 'forbidden' it will be even more enticing - so let this issue go, and start living and enjoying your young life and stop acting like a middle-aged prude.
Times have changed, and you need to stay informed of what's out there. Back in the 'old day' fathers would take their sons to houses of 'ill-repute' at the age of 18 - and that was considered normal.
So get out there, and stop living a 'sheltered' life and don't worry that he'll turn out to be a pervert - that's paranoid.

Relax a bit and take each day as it comes while growing up.
You are 17, not a 87 year old prude!