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My boyfriend is turning into an emotional possessive control freak.
Asked Jul 28, 2012, 11:34 AM
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4 Answers We knew we were mean to be together the week we met so breaking up is not an option. He started off sweet and caring and so selfless. I went on holiday 1 week into it a past bf offered me emotional support and helped me through a rough night. My boyfriend complained that it should have been him helping me. And then went into a pit of despair for 2 days. 2 weeks into it he found a video of me and a bf at the time playing with smoke (aka transferring it from his mouth to mine) Now he wants me to Delete every fb pic with a boyfriend in it Get rid of any possessions accumulated with another bf Throw away any clothes associated with sex with another guy Throw away corsets and any underwear another guy has seen Get new bed sheets and pillows Get a new mattress Or he won’t come in to my house And this is all because seeing that vid made him feel sick. He says he can’t handle anything associated with another bf because it hurts too much and that we have to start afresh with stuff that’s only 'ours' I know half of it is because he doesn’t feel like he measures up and that he's being compared with every other guy I can’t talk to him because he either feels like I’m attacking him or blames himself to the point where he's bawling and I can’t get a word out of him so I end up comforting him instead and pretending there is no issue I know I have a problem too. I’m terrified of not being with him, I love him to death and that’s why we're getting engaged at the end of the year. I just can’t imagine life without him. He refuses to get help because no one but family should know about his issues. I used to have a jealousy problem and every guy left me for it I won’t leave him like they left me, abandoning him will not solve anything I’m in love with him so I will do anything to help him But I feel suffocated and restricted and like he has guiled me into this with emotional blackmail (I’m still on holiday btw, due back home in a week and a half) HELP!!! |
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| We are talking major dysfunction here, and you will be smothered to death, until you have had enough. A reasonable healthy person would tell him that his behavior is unacceptable, not concede to his control, or manipulation, and be willing to leave and tell him so, unless a lot of improvements are made. When you allow bad behavior, you will surely get it! If this is the way you want to be treated, have at it, but don't blame him for what YOU are not willing to do. And when you take options off the table, and so does he, you have NO options left, do you? You have a preview of life with him will be like. Its not that pretty, and it doesn't look like healthy love to me. I think it will get worse. At least stand up for yourself and see what happens. | ||||
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| Just for starters, there is no such thing as meant for each other, and breaking up is ALWAYS an option. You are already hanging on to images of each other that aren't even true. Please don't tell me you are terrified of not being with him. You went off on holiday without him and cried on some other guy's shoulder all night??? AND tortured your poor bf with the story?? I don't know about the mouth to mouth smoke... can't tell if that's old or while on holiday, but I think you are responsible for a lot of his agony, and I also think there is no way you are meant for each other, because you both sound immature. | ||||
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| just become the slave object he wants. Do exactly like he says , when he says it and how he says it. Perhaps walk behind him a few steps to show he is the boss. Also when he decides to hit you every non and then when you don't do ii fast enough, remember he really loves you and you are meant to be together. it is no issue at all if you just obey his every word | ||||
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