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My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Fat, But I'm really Not

Asked Feb 6, 2007, 03:33 PM — 21 Answers
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we are definitely in love. He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more, but I am not fat at all, not even chubby. I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23, which is exactly average. He won't settle for that. Every time I eat when we are together, he is always criticizing me telling me "you don't need to be eating that right now" and "didn't you just eat?" and "make sure you run after eating that". It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. I don't know what to do.

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21 Answers
Wildcat21's Avatar
Wildcat21 Posts: 3,587, Reputation: 2258
Ultra Member
  
#2

Feb 6, 2007, 03:40 PM
Dump him. Yesterday. Look in dictionary under jerk - his picture is there. Find someonme who appreciates you. This guy is a complete loser if he has to do that. Send this BOY packing and find a man. This is a form of abuse and you don't deserve it. You will lbe so better off and happy!
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laxforlife92's Avatar
laxforlife92 Posts: 21, Reputation: 3
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#3

Feb 6, 2007, 03:42 PM
My first instinct would be to break up with him, but I don't think that would be a good solution. If talking doesn't work, maybe you should try criticizing him and see how he likes it. They do say, that you really don't know what its like, till someone's done it to you. Oh and if that's not really a famous quote, well then it should be cause I think it's good.
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laxforlife92's Avatar
laxforlife92 Posts: 21, Reputation: 3
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#4

Feb 6, 2007, 03:49 PM
Comment on Wildcat21's post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21 View Post
Dump him. Yesterday. Look in dictionary under jerk - his picture is there. Find someonme who appreciates you. This guy is a complete loser if he has to do that. Send this BOY packing and find a man. This is a form of abuse and you don't deserve it. You will lbe so better off and happy!
Hey nice quote, do they have a website with quotes like that?
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GinaLanc's Avatar
GinaLanc Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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#5

Feb 6, 2007, 03:59 PM
If he can't accept you the way you are then he's asking you to change. If he's asking you to change now, then it won't get better in the future. He'll keep trying to mode you into someone else until one day you can't find yourself. God made us all with a purpose in mind. To become something you are not would be to go against the beauty of who you are and who you will become in the future. Do something good for yourself and don't become someone you're not. Good luck. Gina
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mellyn11's Avatar
mellyn11 Posts: 17, Reputation: 24
New Member
  
#6

Feb 6, 2007, 04:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we are definitely in love. He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more, but I am not fat at all, not even chubby. I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23, which is exactly average. He won't settle for that. Every time I eat when we are together, he is always criticizing me telling me "you don't need to be eating that right now" and "didn't you just eat?" and "make sure you run after eating that". It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. I don't know what to do.
He is trying to break your confidence because he is lacking somewhere. Above all keep your head up and by all MEANS tell him that each and every time he has something to say about your weight, you are just going to put one more fry in your mouth (That aught to shut him up). Explain to him, that anorexia/bulimia are the results of criticism like his. I hate to tell you this, but this is not love. It is very possible that you HAVE love for each other, and it may even be that he is finding smaller women more attractive and feels that he is simply trying to warn you before he strays. Words like these are also a way to control you. You MUST explain what his actions are doing to you and your confidence. If he doesn't quit, I'm sorry honey, but he is NOT the one for you (right now). Sometimes getting away from someone allows them to see their errors and realize their feelings more clearly. Be strong, and keep you confidence. It doesn't matter if you have the behind of a rhino, as long as you are happy!
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J_9's Avatar
J_9 Posts: 37,024, Reputation: 25660
Expert
  
#7

Feb 6, 2007, 04:24 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
we are definitely in love.
Sorry to say, but you are in love. He is not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
He is a great guy, but the only thing is that he tells me all the time that I need to lose weight and work out more,
This does not equal a great guy. A great guy is one who accepts you for who you are, not who he expects you to be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
I am 5 foot 4, 135 pounds, with a BMI of 23,
Not a darn thing wrong with that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
He won't settle for that.
Then he won't settle for anything. If he can't take you for who you are tell him to take a hike.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
he is always criticizing me
And you think he is in love with you? Rubbish! People who love each other do not criticize each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast.
This is what you have to look forward to if you stay with him, and it only gets worse when de does not get what he wants.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
I don't know what to do.
Drop the loser and find someone who appreciates you for you and nothing else.
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JoeCanada76's Avatar
JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,685, Reputation: 8853
Uber Member
  
#8

Feb 6, 2007, 04:27 PM
Love is about acceptance. If he is always putting you down and and things are not good enough for him then he needs to find somebody else and you need to move on. Now I can understand if somebody cares about you and you do have a problem and they are kind and considerate in the approach. To always be nagging on you. You need to tell him to stop doing that to you and if you really cared then you would accept me for who I am. Then go from there.
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makri's Avatar
makri Posts: 3, Reputation: 5
New Member
  
#9

Feb 6, 2007, 05:03 PM
I'm a new member but I def have experience in this dept! I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was about 15 and I def know what it feels like to be criticized. I'm not sure if you're a confident girl or what but let me tell you, If you stay in this relationship for much longer you will develop some type of eating disorder and/or depression.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andria123
It is so ridiculous and it gets really old really fast. I have talked to him about it but he still does it. .
It WILL get old and Eventually you'll feel like you need to fix yourself. You'll feel like nothing, like he deserves better than you. No matter what you tell him, I don't think he'll stop. Also, if he truly loves you then he'd accept you just the way you are.. But if breaking up isn't what you want to do then just make sure you stick up for yourself when he tells you that you need to go to the gym. Say to him "I am fine just the way I am" or "I'm beautiful!" It's always helpful to boost your own confidence when others try to knock you down. Don't let yourself get to the point where you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. Or even to the point where he's making you cry. No one should make you feel bad about yourself..He's knocking you to make himself feel better. YOU deserve better than that!
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chosen1's Avatar
chosen1 Posts: 61, Reputation: 4
Junior Member
  
#10

Feb 6, 2007, 05:30 PM
Well girl.... Maybe he likes the petite type that you arn't? I like my woman 5-0 - 5-8 from 100- to 115... Being 5'4 you probably have a little J-lo going on..it cool as long as there is no cheese. If you really care for him...maybe you both she could to the gym.... His eyes are probably starting to wonder around now that you have been together for 2 yrs...you better do something about it before the spark starts to fizzle..... Hope you don't take it the wrong way and good luck
Lowtax4eva (Apr 17, 2007 08:48 AM): The problem is about him not accepting her, most likely due to his low self confidence, also this answer is rahter rude. 135 is an average healthy weight   Source:
Tuscany (Apr 17, 2007 09:04 AM): It is not her problem. It is his!! Women come in all sizes honey. And she is far from overweight   Source:
racquel58 (Feb 23, 2010 06:33 AM): 5'8 and 115 is UNDERWEIGHT in any circumstance. Also, it's amazing how much you can get weights wrong from looking at a person! People generally will say i am 95lbs. trust me, i aint anywhere near that! Also, athletes often come up as overweight and   Source:
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