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I was dating him for almost 2 years and we decided after a year that we would try to get pregnant. i ended up getting pregnant and we had a miscarriage right before christmas last year. he comes to me at the end of january and says that hes ready to try again. i didnt want to hurt his feelings so i said i was too. secretly i had already been taking my birth control pills for a month already. (seasonique) So when i didnt get my period i didnt expect anything because with seasonique you only get 4 periods a year. but then i started spotting and i was really nauseous. i took a pregnancy test and it was positive, i was 8 weeks pregnant. we were both very excited. i was shocked, my boyfriend still had no idea about the birth control. neway, months later we ended up being in a very bad living situation and both under a lot of stress. he proposed to me and was telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and couldnt wait to call me his wife. two days before our wedding he leaves to go do a job and i get a text almost 2 hours later saying he was breaking up with me, that he needed some space and time to get his life together but still wants to be there for me and our son. when i recieved this text i was getting alterations done to my wedding dress. i didnt even see it coming. before he left we cuddled, watched a movie, he kissed me, told eachother we love each other, and he even made love to me. now almost a month has gone by and hes saying he loves me but just not like that anymore and wants to be alone so that he can get a job and his ged. he keeps telling me im holding him back from getting his life together and doing things he needs to do. the most confusing part of this is hell only talk 2 me when its convenient for him, wont show up to the ultrasound appointments or doctor appointments (but says hes going to), when he texts me he still says i love you!! i havent said nething back 2 him when he says this to me cause im hurt and very confused. what should i do? should i just wait for him to figure things out and hope for the best? should i give up on him? should i move on? should i let him be in the delivery room as our son is being born? or should i make him wait out in the waiting room? please help me. i dont know what i should do.
I would have nothing to do with him ( from your side of the story) After child is born, have your attorney file for custody and he can file for what visits if he he wants
Being a single mother I can tell you that you can do it alone. It's not ideal but it's not impossible either.
You need to focus on getting yourself together and preparing for the arrival of this baby because whether or not the father is there, the baby is coming. File for child support as soon as your son is born and speak with an attorney about custody.
If this guy wants to be a part of your son's life, the ball is in his court to do so. You really can't allow yourself to worry about him or the status of this relationship, worry about yourself and your unborn baby.
Moving forward, please don't do anything to discourage or inhibit him from having a relationship with his child. So often mothers make that mistake because they're angry. If he wants to be there for the birth, let him. If he wants to visit his child, let him. If he wants to take him to the park for an hour, let him. If you don't, your child will figure it out when he gets older and will resent you. If you do the right thing now, your son will respect you.
He's pathetic! What age are you's both if you dont mind me asking?
Ive personally went through a very very similar situation to the one you are in now. I've miscarried 1nce and my ex and i decided to try again only our daughter was still born. I'm only 18 though and he's 23 happened all within the last year. He left when i was 8 months pregnant told me he wasn't ready for the commitment. I can now tell you that as much as i've hurt over the past year im glad i saw the true side to him and im even more glad that he's out of my life because ive moved on. It'll be harder for you to completely disgard him though as you have a baby on the way . He should be alowed to see the child if he wants but dont give him anything more, because frankly he doesnt deserve anything more. He sounds confused and insecure as if he doesnt no what he wants from life. I find it horrible that someone would humilate you by splitting up when pregnant and due to be married. You will find someone better who is sure they want you and will treat you and your child as if you's are the most important people in the world and thats exactly what you deserve.. be strong
Wow that is awful, I'm really sorry for what you're going through.
It's easier said than done, but you NEED to concentrate on you and your child right now. He has chosen not to be a part of this, he chose to push for commitment, then run off. My ex did the same thing only I kept telling him I wasnt ready for a baby.
He let it get as far as it did, then broke your heart. He is a disgrace.
Let him be as involved as he wants in your child's life, but don't let him back into your heart - you'll only set yourself up for more heartache.
talaniman, i was asking a question due to what was on my mind so dont assume that you know anything about me based on my question. im just worried that this man will do the same thing to our son and i dont want my son to go thru the emotional difficulties im going thru. if you are going to be rude then please dont post on my questions again. i thought that was very unacceptable.
everyone else that has answered my questions so far: thank you for your advice. ive been thinking a lot about everything ive been going thru in this situation and i think i know what to do as far as me and him are concerned. as for our son together, im giving him every chance to be there for him now and he hasnt followed thru just yet and i will keep documenting what hes doing right now for a judge in the future. if he continues to do this then i will make ure he doesnt get any visitation at all. from what i know about him hes just going to want to party and smoke pot. this i will not tolerate around my son and if he doesnt grow up then hes going to screw up everything for him and his relationship with his son.
as for our son together, im giving him every chance to be there for him now and he hasnt followed thru just yet and i will keep documenting what hes doing right now for a judge in the future. if he continues to do this then i will make ure he doesnt get any visitation at all. from what i know about him hes just going to want to party and smoke pot. this i will not tolerate around my son and if he doesnt grow up then hes going to screw up everything for him and his relationship with his son.
As for him not following thru on promises during your pregnancy, that's not grounds to deny him visitation. Nor are your assumptions that he will "want to party and smoke pot". You will have to have evidence that the child would be in danger, not guesses.
I agree, you should not allow certain behavior around your son but as I've already mentioned, don't let your judgement be clouded by your hurt feelings over the failed relationship. Unless he poses a threat, leave the door open for him to have a relationship with his child. If he doesn't walk through it, so be it. But at least you'll have a clear conscience knowing that you didn't stand in his way.
Allow all the visitation possible, your son wil grow up to know who s good to him and will respect you for letting him make his ownn decision when he grows up. The only reason for ever denying visitation is if your son is in physical danger and you can prove that.. I think its important to let children decide for themselves and your ex will have can't say 'your mother denied me visitation' when explaining to your son why he was never there if that's the case...
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