Boyfriend and his strip club trips

I asked this question in another forum, but I am also going to try here. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 34. The age difference is def not a problem in our relationship. Actually we have a great relationship except for one thing - his going to the strip club.

When I started dating this man, I knew that he went to the strip club a lot (like 2-3 times a week) I thought that I could deal with it, but I explained to him that I really do not like him going to strip clubs. I am not one for trying to change people when you start dating them (you should love them for who they are) Background - he started going to strip clubs later than most men in life. He has cut back a lot on going - like once every 3-4 months, but I'm not sure that I can deal with it anymore! The excuses he uses for going are: going to hang out with friends, just got a bug up my butt and felt like going, haven't been in a while, going to talk to the "girls (yes, he actually became friends with some of the girls). I've said to him that I don't mind him being friends with these girls, but does he need to talk to them at "work". If they were really his friends, they would be willing to go out to the bar with him and I or going out to eat or something like that.

It wouldn't bother me if he went to the strip club for a friends birthday or bachelor party. But not this "just because" stuff. The only two times that I have ever gone to a male review was for my best friends and my sisters bachelorette parties - both times I did not tip once. The major reasons that I don't like him going are: he spends to much money at the clubs, it feels really disrespectful to me, I don't like the fact that he getting boobs shoved in his face, and I don't trust some of the girls (especially when he told me that a few of them wanted to date him until they found out he had a new girlfriend - me) I do trust him not to cheat of me. I just don't trust the girls. He already gets a lot of crap from his friends (even though they are extremely good friends of mine too) because he cut back on going because of me.

I'm really not sure what to do and would like any advice/input that people are willing to give me. We are planning on moving in together in about 4-5 months and I would like to get this little "issue" dealt with before then.

Thanks

Shell Lee

If you love him, and he loves you, there is nothing to worry about.

I know that sounds naive, so i'll let you know what I think about your situation.
If he is spending excessively at these clubs, but does not take you out for dinners or neglects you, that could be a problem, if that is not the case, lets move on to the next issue, the girls.

99% of strip clubs have a strict no touch rule, this also goes for the lap dance and 'private' areas, so again you should not worry about him 'doing' anything there while he goes out. As you stated he started to go to these places later in life so again this could just be a phase and like any phase it will pass, on it's own.

This brings me to another question. His friends. Are they the same age? Are they married or in relationships? This could be another problem if most of them are bachelors and are 'dragging' him along for these boys nights. He should realize that you are his number one and that at times the boys will just have to go on their own.

Last but not least, and this if what my g/f did a few times is, come along with them. He should NOT object to this. Now I know that a lot of girls might object to going to those places, but trustme just check it out. Hell you might even have some fun, I'm sure you will have a few guys buy you drinks, since you would be a real woman there, not the fantasy on the stage, and see how he would react. I mean he should see that you are as attractive as any one of the strippers and you can underline that with the fact of men wanting to buy you drinks, etc. This is not meant to stir up s**t in your relationship, just to make him realize how lucky he is to have you and to know that he is the one going home with you at the end of the night.

Hope this helps in one way or another.

Cheers

If he was doing it when you met him, what makes you think he will change for you and why should he? Back off and let him have his fun and if you can't take it, then this is not the guy for you.

How can you you trust him, but not the girls? If something is going to happen between him and a stripper, it will be because he was willing and allowed it to happen. These girls are not going to hypnotize him into helplessness and take advantage of him!

Frankly - I think there is nothing wrong with a guy going to the strip club with his buddies once a month. Guys appreciate the female form, and it has nothing to do with anything being wrong with his wife/girlfriend, or somehow "not getting enough" of something at home. It's like appreciating art, except you can hang out with your buddies and drink beer at the same time.

Having said all that - If it really bothers you that much, he should be respectful of your feelings and stop going all together. If he's not willing to do that, you should really reconsider what he is and is not willing to do for his relationship.

Thanks for the answer! I do really appreciate the info. I will answer your questions back.

It's not that he neglects me. Actually it is quite the opposite sometimes. Some people might think I'm lucky in this. Not so sometimes and I'll explain. He is 10 years older than me and makes about twice the amount of money that I do, But I have about 100% more money saved than him - even though I also have a child and he does not. We want to move in together. He's even been talking about buying a house together in about a year and a half. I don't see how this can happen with him blowing the money as he does (and he does spend quite a bit at the club)

When I first started dating him, I did go to the clubs with him and my friends. I went so I could spend time with my boyfriend and my friends. I never went to the rail as that is just not my thing. I tried really hard to see how it was ok, but just couldn't. It ABSOLUTELY KILLED me to see girls rub their boobs in his face and he give money to them for it. Now with me saying this: Yes, 99% of clubs have a no touch rule. Well that club he goes to is that 1%. I have seen things and heard things that just blew my mind!

Most of his friends range from 27-35. Some are married and some are not. Most of the time they are not dragging him along. They just say, "Hey I'm going to the club, want to go along?" That's it. I've been standing right there a few times that they have asked him.

Hmm.... Difficult to say but maybe he is being a little immature? I mean what is the point of blowing $$ on skanks when you have someone who cares for you? Sorry if that is a little blunt but that is just my opinion. I'm 28 and my g/f is 24 and yeah I frequent one club from time to time but that is only because we all go, mixed crowd girls & guys, etc.

I don't want to say you should immediately put out an ultimatum and say either me or the clubs, but you should be hinting towards something in that area, especially if your b/f seems mature enough to want to move in together.

Are all other parts of your relationship ok? Is he using this as an escape or excuse? Or maybe to prove a point to you (don't know what point that would be other then, I'm my own man and i'll do as I please), etc.

All the other parts of our relationship are great!

With his last girlfriend, she went to the clubs with him all the time (by what I've been told) She even got up on stage and danced. She also entered some amature contests once in a while. They dated for about 3 years. In the last year of their relationship, he only had sex with her 3 times. YES THREE in a year! It was completely her doing. After she got up on stage and stripped for him, she still would not have sex with him. I asked him how he could live with that and his response was, "Well, I learned to live without it." Sometimes it just feels like he has not learned to live with a girlfriend that does not support going to the strip club.

He can be a very jealous person himself. If he sees a guy looking at me in the wrong way, he gives them "the look of death" as I like to refer to it. That is just a guy looking at me! It never goes further than that as I told him that I can take care of myself and if I need help, I will ask for it. So he can get upset about something like that but I'm supposed to be ok with him shoving dollar bills between some girls boobs though?

Shell_Lee, do you feel a little bit used? And just think you are only dating. Just think what it will be like when you move in and you then will have his laundry and cooking to do. That will give him even more time at the club where the girls don't have to cook or wash clothes.

Bottom line, you need to decide if you're willing to live with him going to strip clubs or not. If so, there there's no problem. If not, you need to reconsider this relationship and now, before it gets any more serious.