My boyfriend and I live together and have been together now for 9 months. He was living with a woman for over 8 years and all they did was argue and verbally, mentally, emotionally tear each other apart. He moved out several times and moved back in with her. Last November he entered a veterans facility for the homeless because he moved out again. I was in the facility for alcohol rehab. He has no alcohol/drug addictions. We met and started to date and decided to get an apt together after we checked out the veterans facility. We ended up living in the woods for 4 1/2 months due to an apt falling through and having no money. We got so close during that time and he asked me to marry him. Now, here is the problem, I am an alcoholic and will fall off the wagon like I recently did. He made me mad one night when he came home and I was drunk (this happened several times). I am out of work currently and he works and came home several times and I was drunk. He said all I do is sit around and get drunk and not work. He insulted me and pissed me off so bad that he left and when he did I gathered all his belongings and threw them in the hallway and latched the door. When he came home later that night I wouldn't open the door so he called the cops and I just hid in the bedroom until they left. The next day we talked and he was so hurt about me doing that and wanted me out. Since then I quit drinking-havent touched a drop knowing I would lose him. We have been getting along very well until recently when he ex-girlfriend found his cell phone number and started texting him and emailing him continuously.
She has his prized and beloved pit bull that they bought together. He really misses his dog and we can't have her at our apartment because pit bulls are banned. We still have 9 months left on our lease. No one else can take her. He says he is only texting her because he doesn't want her to give her away to someone. One night I couldn't stand it and looked in his cell. They text all day long while he is at work and he shuts his phone off at night.
I told him how this hurts me and shows me no respect and he should get his number changed. He says that I should trust him, that he is only being nice to get his dog back, knowing that we can't keep her her.
She keeps telling him how much they belong together and how much she misses him and loves him and needs him.
Before all this texting began he said he would never go back to her because it was so chaotic and he loves me.
Am I just an idiot or what?

Right now you really don't have much of a choice but to go along with the program he's handed out. To not speak to someone who was in his life for 8 years is very hard. She does know all the buttons to push on this guy after all and she's pushing them as hard as she can right now. You will just have to trust him and NOT look into his phone or confront him about her otherwise he WILL start up a relationship with her again and dump you. He may care more about the dog than he does her. No one really knows what goes on inside someone else's head so please try not to jump to conclusions about him until he actually comes out and says something to you. He wants to put her behind him and she keeps pushing his buttons. Please do not console yourself or drown your sorrows in alcohol. That solves nothing and actually will push him away with both hands quicker than anything. Try to get a job - any job so that you are at least bringing in money into the household. And it should take a lot of your "thinking time" away if you are at work as you should be too busy to keep thinking negative thoughts about him going back to her.

You do need to remind yourself that he DOES live with you and not her. That right there means more than you'll ever realize. He wants to be with you otherwise he can just up and leave anytime he wishes to but has decided he wants to stay with you. Try to be your old self again with him. No more accusations, etc. You should do just fine in this relationship then. She's history and just doesn't realize it. You are NOW. You are in his life. Please act accordingly to keep him in your life. OK?

OMG that was so inspirational to me-thank you so much. I was starting to feel like I was on the back burner but what you wrote made me feel so much better. I won't look in his phone anymore and yes, 8 years is a long time. Thanks again

Get help for your drinking, it solves nothing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...se-274912.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...es-248501.html

You are a mess and your life is very messy now. Your past has caught up with you and you need to get your own act together before it gets worse. And it can get worst so take this as a wake up call to deal with your problems on a more positive level, and get the help you need to guide you along, so you can make better decisions for yourself, and find peace and happiness.

Well... update to playing along with the program... last week he decided to spend the night with his ex and he also came home Fri night, took a shower, packed a bag and has been gone since with her. Playing along with the program is no longer an option for me. I deserve better. We had a talk the other day and he said it was over with us a month ago. Nice of him to tell me and play along acting like we were still a couple and then dropping this bomb on me. I will not play his side-toy any longer. He wants his cake and to eat it too. We decided to be roommates which is very awkward for me, but financially is good.I asked him to just move back in with her and he said it is not an option for him right now.. I know she wants that, but he has no vehicle to get to work which is over 20 miles from her house and our apt is closer and he gets picked up by a friend. So this is just convenient for him. I will no longer prepare meals, do his laundry, etc for him-which I think he thinks I am still going to do-NOT!
I, with help of my friends and family, have decided to continue seeing my therapist once a week to help me with my self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect and to not just let any man use or manipulate me any longer. I am a strong person and will make it through this. Thanks for all the conversation and please continue to offer advise, it gives me things to think about...
I honestly think he is checking out the grass to see if it still is greener on the other side, but if he chooses me, I will not take him back now... he is soiled to me

He is cheating and you deserve wayy better! You seem very nice and I say that he isn't worthy of anyone!! Dump him.. make him realize what he has lost... there are muchh better and nicer guys out there..

That you have gotten help for your issues, and made a decision for yourself to move on with your life is a promising sign, and I wish you the best.