My boyfriend and I just started dating a week ago but we've been at least friends for 5 years. Him and one of his other friends are visiting his brother this weekend and his brother is a bit crazy. I'm concerned that he will be okay but still really supportive of him having fun. Last night after he got there, he called me a few hours later already drunk (which is fine with me) and informed me how he is going to a strip club sometime this weekend. I felt really uncomfortable. I'm trying to be the cool girlfriend and let him do what he wants but I can't stop imaging him sitting there with some womans breasts in his face. So I said jokingly I was jealous, but in all honesty, I think it would be hilarious to go and watch. I told my boyfriend I think it would be fun but I just am not comfortable with him getting a lap dance. He said he didn't know if his brother would pay for one or not and force it on him. I know force is a strong word, but he is his older brother and kind of forces my boyfriend into partying a lot. I don't know what to do, because the thought of him with some other girl on him makes my stomach hurt. I was thinking of just talking to him about it (when he is sober of course) and saying that I'm cool with it, I think it will be a lot of fun, I wish I was there to join in, but the idea of a another girl straddling him or whatever they do at strip clubs just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do, I just don't want some girl getting my boyfriend off or something. Should I try to put it in my perspective of lets say I go to a male strip club and I got a lap dance from a guy?

Trigger76

Casually ask him if it's okay with him if you make out with another guy while he's away for the weekend. If he gets piXXXd off and says of course he minds. Then say, "Good. I would not want it to be okay with you if I did that.And it's not okay for you to go to a strip club when you are seeing me." Let him know you don't plan on staying with someone who can't make choices for himself and that he better decide if he wants to go to the club and have a girl grind on him for money for one night, or if he would like to stay in a relationship with you. If he chooses the strip club, you know how you will be treated in the future.

talaniman

Sounds like your trying to make the choice for him.
Ultimatiums in a week old relationship?

southerngalps

yeah...after one week the guy would be "see you later, I'm going to the strip joint!"

chuff

I think this poor guy is getting a raw deal from you. He could have lied about what he was doing and instead trusted you enough to tell you. I think you should meet him at least half way and give him that same trust he offered you back to him.

Romefalls19

Tal, don't worry, we don't really take what he says to heart ha ha. Not that you care, but look at his approval rating as compared to yours. I believe you're one of the most respected people on this forum.

But back on topic, its only a week old relationship and you are already trying to dictate it. Does he tell you what you can and cannot do? if you want an actual tit for tat scenario, that is actually the SAME. Ask him if he would mind if you went to a male strip club, that's when you can get angry if he says no you can't.

southerngalps

chill out trigger 76! this is only a week old relationship. she asked how to deal with it and your response was way out of wack! i feel a little weird when my man goes to the strip club without me, but i also go with him. an i do have respect for myself... on the other hand, i know how men think!

damaged

I imagine how you must feel, but he told you what his plans were, so thats a good sign...Just don't think about it, and all you can do here is trust him...U have known him for 5 yrs...You must know what kind of guy he is..

talaniman

It think insecurity, and trust, are the real issues here, not the strip clubs.

mimi03

I'm a little torn on this but I actually asked my b/f what he thought to get a male perspective and I came up with a conclusion...I believe in honesty, it's very very important to a relationship and that means being honest w/ your partner and yourself!

I think things like this should be confronted head on, you've been friends with this guy for 5 years, that's different from being his g/f but I think you have more insight than you would in a relationship where you weren't friends first. So, is this a regular occurrence for him (going to strip clubs). If so, You have to tell him where you stand on this. Then the ball's in court...he could chose to have you or have his strip club nights.

If this isn't something he does regularly then it may be something you can work out within yourself...Personally, I would not interfere with him going but when he gets back i would talk to him about it and let him know that it isn't something that I'd be comfortable with him doing on a regular basis...
But if him being there will nag you until no point of return: My b/f's advice would be to tell him...whether he goes regularly or not if you feel disrespected or uncomfortable you should let him know...If that's something he can't let go of for you it's better it (the relationship) ends now than when emotions are really deeply invested.