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My boyfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Should we go on a break?

Asked Feb 10, 2012, 04:01 PM — 83 Answers
My boyfriend of 4 years, wants to leave me because he is not sure if he loves me anymore, and want to experience other women. We have had issues and resolved them but he says they changed the way he felt about me and our relationship. I'm thinking that all we need is a break to see how we feel about our relationship and hopefully he'll realize what we had is worth fighting for.

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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,320, Reputation: 50351
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#61

Feb 27, 2012, 11:29 PM


Closure is in acceptance of the situation. Its gonna hurt if its not the situation you want, and you will love it if it is. Such is the way of life.

So good luck.
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miabosworth's Avatar
miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 15
Junior Member
  
#62

Feb 28, 2012, 02:28 AM
I've accepted that it's over..like you advised me to do. So I either way it goes I'm not fussed anymore.
As I know deep down that I shouldn't be wasting my love and time on someone who doesn't feel the same about me as I do about them...
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miabosworth's Avatar
miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 15
Junior Member
  
#63

Mar 3, 2012, 10:34 AM
I saw him and I didn't let him control the situation...like you advised and things went interestingly. I said i was over the relationship and it threw him off..he was surprised. He said he is still attracted to me and is now asking to spend time with me and wasn't vocal on how he felt about the relationship...in fact he was very quiet! I don't really know what to do with that! Good or bad idea?
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,320, Reputation: 50351
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#64

Mar 3, 2012, 11:24 AM


You have said what you mean, ("I said i was over the relationship"), Now mean what you say. You do that by ending the conversation, and stopping any more confusion. Disappear an do your thing.

Lets be clear, because he wants to spend time when he wants to but wants no commitment. Surely you can see that a serious relationship has been demoted to casual status. Thats friends, OR friends with benefits. You disappear to allow the healing to START properly now, so you can make decisions based on facts, and not just confused feelings.

That means NO CONTACT!!!!! NONE!!!! No more BSing, or piddling around with false hope, closure, and justification to NOT build a life without this fellow. No more half stepping!!!!
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miabosworth's Avatar
miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 15
Junior Member
  
#65

Mar 3, 2012, 06:34 PM
Ok well I guess I have pretty much messed it up! We slept together 2 times tonight it was the most amazing sex we've had but...now I feel sooo....ashamed and easy as i am not the type to ever sleep around or with someone I'm not committed to and worst of all...my feelings for him have resurfaced and all that.....healing...has been undone! And i stupidly want him back again! (havent told him this) I swear there is something wrong with me, I can't be strong and never see him again!
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miabosworth's Avatar
miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 15
Junior Member
  
#66

Mar 6, 2012, 03:01 PM
I think I have to tell him straight that what happened can never happen again! As it complicates things...I don't think we can be friends right now... too soon.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,320, Reputation: 50351
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#67

Mar 6, 2012, 04:32 PM


Some of us learns things the easy way. Some the hard way. I suppose if you learn thats what counts. Have you???
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Homegirl 50's Avatar
Homegirl 50 Posts: 8,870, Reputation: 10878
Dating & Teen Expert
  
#68

Mar 6, 2012, 04:37 PM
I hope you know you need to get off the Roller Coaster unless you are willing to have a friends with benefits relationship with him
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miabosworth's Avatar
miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 15
Junior Member
  
#69

Mar 6, 2012, 04:48 PM
I've definately learnt! The emotional turmoil associated, isn't worth putting myself through! Plus I value myself too much to allow myself to ever be treated like... "just a body".
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mmresd's Avatar
mmresd Posts: 1,946, Reputation: 2802
Ultra Member
  
#70

Mar 6, 2012, 04:58 PM
Let it go, no point in trying to build something that both of you are not wanting.
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