My boyfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Should we go on a break?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2012, 12:49 PM

Spare yourself the pain. Just go on as if he is gone, because he really is.

Swiss_Ms.B · Feb 12, 2012, 12:51 PM

Mia, you explained that your boyfriends feelings have changed. This is not something that happens overnight. I agree with Homegirl 50 about your boyfriend wanting to ease the breakup ... easy for him, that is! Maybe you have been getting on so well because he hasn't had the heart to tell you what he has been contemplating for a long time. Maybe your relationship isn't as good as you think. The contact break should have been a mutual decision, it doesn't really sound like you wanted it. In all the years you were together, did you ever have arguments, did both of you ever speak about your wishes and doubts? Aren't you at all angry about your current situation?

miabosworth · Feb 12, 2012, 01:39 PM

He thinks that any issues and fights we have had and resolved, have eaten away at our relationship and he doesn't feel the way he did at the beginning of the relationship. He is not a very forgiving person with anyone...really, he usually cuts people off if they upset him which i don't think that is the way to be in life as no one is perfect and people make mistakes that's part of life.i suggested No contact to give him respect and space even though its hard for me. I am more hurt by what he said than angry i feel like i am disposable to him now its hurtful to hear. He even said if we break up he may come back to me if he regrets his decision or if the other relationships aren't as good as ours. Now that made me angry as i am not ever going to be someones back up! i'll never look back...especially if he dates/sleeps with other people. Am i right in saying this is out of order?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2012, 02:24 PM

What he has said is enough for me not to want him back. In essence what he is saying is he'll consider taking you back if things don't work for him. That is very selfish and it makes you an option. You don't want to have your heart belong to anyone for whom you are an option.
I would leave him completely alone.

miabosworth · Feb 12, 2012, 03:40 PM

Homegirl 50 your probably right...in my head i know that what he said is sooo...harsh and selfish. Even though he wants to explore...he gets extremely agitated and jealous and doesn't like me seeing (as friends) or speaking to other guys. As he always thinks they are interested in me...even after he told me how he felt about our relationship (Break) he said he doesn't want me to see or talk to any of my guy friends as he thinks they'll take advantage! how can he say this if he doesn't think he wants the relationship any more!?

Swiss_Ms.B · Feb 12, 2012, 04:10 PM

You are absolutely right! I think you already know how the story ends ... obviously YOU should be the one telling him that you deserve better and that he can go where the sun doesn't shine.
Girl, I think you have a very strong sense of what is right and what is sooo wrong. Even if you feel confused, I think a part of you knows exactly what you need to do to stay mentally healthy in this situation. I wish you much strength to listen to your healthy self.

miabosworth · Feb 12, 2012, 04:59 PM

Your totally right....i think my feelings are overcrowding the logical thoughts. I'll take every day 1 step at a time. i know some days, I will feel like not getting out of bed, or eating but i understand that i need to move on...and not wait for him anymore. He broke my heart now... so who is to say he wont again 2months down the line if we continue the relationship. Plus i don't think it will ever (feel) the same or be the same after all the things he said to me....i'll always feel like he doesn't really...want to be with me if he stays and that will always be in the back of my mind overcasting me ever being happy in the relationship again.

So here i go...Day 1 of the BREAK UP not BREAK.

Do you think it would be a good idea to stay friends after 2 week of NC even though he hurt me or will it make it worse ?

Swiss_Ms.B · Feb 13, 2012, 02:31 AM

My advice: Do not stay friends! It is too tempting to fall back into old patterns ... read what you wrote at the beginning ... "good relationship" ... do you still see it as good. That is your old self, the one that is clinging on. Far down the line, when you have gone through grieving your loss - which you no doubt will have to go through, to let go and find yourself again - you might be able to be friends with him again. I would only do it when you are at the point you can say 'Breaking up with him was the best thing that happened to me, because look at where I am now'! Be strong!

miabosworth · Feb 13, 2012, 10:29 AM

Swiss_Ms.B thanks i am seeing now that it wasn't necessarily 'good'...anymore.
Me wanting to fix things and make them get back to the way they were, before,is what is making me think of it as a 'good relationship' as all i see is the good side. That is the type of person i am. I focus on the positive things in life...not the negative and he thinks of all the negative things in life. i think that is why it is so much easier for him to walk away from 'us' as he is a negative person. Maybe i should take page out of his book. lol :-)

Im thinking staying friends wont work as if or when he dates someone i know i will feel like i've lost him all over again....

mmresd · Feb 13, 2012, 10:53 AM

You are being falsely hopeful, STOP IT. Do not go on a break, BREAK UP. There is no need to continue trying to work out a relationship with someone who is no longer interested in you.

My boyfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Should we go on a break?

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