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My boyfriend doesn't show me affection anymore. How do I get him normal again?
Asked Nov 9, 2010, 09:47 PM
We've been togeth almost 2 yrs.
These are the kind of things that happen lately over the las 5 weeks or so...
- I go to cuddle him and sometimes he'll let me (but very rare lately) and most of the time his like "i'm not in the mood" or he crosses his arms or moves away or something so that I can't cuddle him. It hurts a lot when he does that!
- His even told me that when we're sitting on the couch, he wants me to sit far up the other end and not snuggle into him all the time.
Look I understand that there are times when people want to just relax and don't feel like having someone cuddling into them or anything, but doing that to someone all the time?
I'm am showing him so much affection and just not getting it in return anymore. Like I may go to kiss him and he'll give me one good kiss but then will give another real quick one and pull away to end it!
He won't talk about it because his said we've talked about it a lot and doesn't want me to keep bringing it up because it just makes him think about everything and makes him angry and will take him longer to forget it.
& when it somes to sexual stuff, he use to have like the biggest sex drive ever and now it's basically ZERO! Unless it's to benefit him. Like he'll ask me to do something to him, or send me a text and when I reply like could you do this for me or imply that I want something done he either says "no thanks lol" or "not in the mood" or "to get something i don't wanna have to give you somethihg in return so dw about it". I don't mind doing stuff to him, but every time I do I get rejected lately and I'm feeling real left out. It's a big part of the relationship and he as actually said this to me before and yet when I tell him this again his like "i'm not going to do it if i dont want to".
It's driving me crazy! Every now and then he'll do something but it so rare now and I should be able to give my boyfriend a hug and not have him cross his arms!
He says he loves me and that he cares about me , but when I cry he gets angry at me rather than trying to make me feel better.
Can someone please help me? I have all these restrictions and I'm not allowed to show too much affection because he gets annoyed or says he wants his space even when I'm at his house and will expect me to sit in his room watching TV while he goes up top to watch TV or something.
Also his like, he wants his space even when I'm up at his house and that the days when he doesn't see me he likes that time because it's his time. But then on a day his not norm with me he'll ask me out to lunch . I don't get why when he complains so much about his time etc.?
I know that how he is treating me is wrong, but the thing is before all this he was the sweatest person every and I don't want to end it because I love him so much!
So could people please help me, whether it be trying to understand what his thinking or how I can deal with it all and make him go back to normal again??
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Nov 9, 2010, 11:01 PM
Seems like we are having the same problem, the difference is I ended the relationship. Honestly, if he has changed from what he used to be towards you it means he's just not into you anymore. I know its hard to accept, but unfortunately the truth sometimes hurts. I was exactly on the same boat as you like a week ago, every time I texted him I will get the text bak in like 7 hrs after with a short and blunt answer... I mean it killed me at that time when I had to stare at my phone all day waiting for his text. I totally understand the feeling when you want to cuddle him wile watching TV, and he refused... I cant tell you what to do, I'm just sharing my experience.. I picked it up pretty quickly all the changes frm what he used to be. I asked him, and didn't really give me a good reason... "ah its too hot, ah im tired, my arm sore etc"...
Sorry to say this but yeah, he's not the same person anymore.. its just gone. You have the option to deal with it, or close the book and move on. It will hurt so much trust me, but your going to be OK. Nothing last forever, you won't always be happy, you won't always be sad and you won't always be broken hearted. So think what you really want to do, and remember at the end of the day you have to love yourself more before you love someone else.
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Nov 10, 2010, 09:32 AM
It sounds like something is going on with him. This is only my opinion and I don't know if it is correct, but here's how I see it. There's three distinct possibilities. One, he's very very stressed from school or work or whatever and it's seriously taking a toll on him. Two, he feels smothered by you and is trying to get a little bit more space. Or three, he's already emotionally checked out of the relationship or is in the process of checking out. I hate to say it, but number three seems like the most likely situation. Again this is my opinion but I would personally go and ask him directly if something is bothering him about the relationship and tell him he needs to be honest with you because it's starting to really upset you.
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Nov 21, 2010, 01:34 AM
I believe it could be from anything ranging from feeling bored or smothered in the relationship and needing some space... allowing him to miss you and realizing he's not the center of your universe. Guys are wired differently than women. What we "mean" to come across as loving and caring, comes across as "needy" and "insecure" to men. Guys like confident, independent "cool" girls that don't create "drama". That pushes them away further. I suggest you Google the question "what to do when he becomes distant and cold"? And seeall the results. I also suggest you check out "Men Are From Venus and Women Are From Mars" by John Gray. In chapter 6 he explains why men go into their "caves" from time to time. I believe you can find it possibly free, online, as he has written many books since. Also, check out/google Christian Carter, his advice on this subject and what to do about it, as well as his E Book "Catch Him and Keep Him" where it goes into detail. In ny opinion, because men are wired different than women in means of communication, try to stay clear of women's advice on these matters because what we think as loving and caring comes across to them as needy.
Let us know how things work out. Best of luck!!
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Mar 13, 2012, 02:17 PM
I don't know how long ago this was posted on here,but I typed into Google My boyfriend doesn't show me affection anymore' and this came up. Ive been with my bloke over two years and we have a 14 month old little girl,everything you described above was as if I wrote it about my relationship,I wish people didn't have to change but sadly we all do,that's just life only I haven't stopped showing love and affection but he has,I feel sad because I still love him the same and the fact we have a little girl together (witch he shows all his affection to)
We don't even live together because he said we don't get on and argue a lot,because of our loveless relationship on his side! Like you said in your description,Ive got to make all the moves! And ask for a kiss and a cuddle even then it feels sour every time,I've tried ignoring him,going out! Not texting,he still texts me saying he misses me and talks about good past times we've had. Still asks me to go out places and if I need anything.
Ive had enough of being in a loveless relationship and feel numb now tbh.Ive tried talking to him and he says 'if you keep nagging me about it,will end up hating each other'! Ive come to realize good things aren't meant to happen for me,I would do anything for him and adore him,I'm 10 years younger than him and my mates say find someone else I'm pretty enough! But I think men wouldn't want me because I'm a mum and I don't want him to go with another girl it would break my heart.
I think men get bored and that I should just be lucky to have my daughter who I'll always show love and affection to,I'm not changing I'll always be affectionate what ever relationship I might end up in, that's just me. Either he just doesn't give a **** anymore! Or the old love hormones worn off! Or he's just cheating! Such as life!
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