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I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?
Why is most everybody overlooking that she says she buys the groceries and he always has his hand out meaning he wants even more than the agreement and the grocery money MORE than the agreement.
Even if they have an agreement she says she is paying over the agreement and he all he cares about is that he has money. If he cared enough about her he would be willing to look out for her needs and wants too. He wants a $55,000. car but if she needed a new car would he help her out? He sounds like he is only in a business arrangement mind set.
In a relationship they should follow the agreement and then each pitch in what they can and work together on a fair budget.
I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?
Kate
Firstly I am assuming you two were obviously at a serious stage in your relationship if you have decided to move in together. And the fact that you can't afford to live in this manner suggests you obviously made an error of judgement as far as finances goes. Therefore you have a decision to make. You either go back to your previous situation which I am again assuming was better as you haven't really told us this part of it , or you stay and accept this situation.
I don't really want to get into the debate about percentages etc. and paying bills but my take on it would be if you are in a relationsghip and you live together you would work with each other to make it work financially for both of you. Though I don't think your boyfriend has a financial obligation to you , he does have an obligation , as do you , to make the relationship a happy one.
Is he cheap , well in my opinion YES. The fact that he is always reminding you about things he's paid for , and he doesn't want to go out because it costs money gives me that impression , and the Xmas present stuff , wow whats that all about. He obviously cherishes his money and thats not a strange or bad thing , its a matter of whether you are willing to put up with it because I doubt he will change.
I've been sitting here for the last half hour trying to find a different "choice of words" other than con game to describe his treatment of her.
Scam game
My money is my money and your money is my money too game
More play money for me game
After I've spent my money, I'll happily spend your money game
Romance scam
I dunno - con game seems to be the best fit here and makes more sense in the long run.
She was just naive and was taken for a ride. Ok, how about ride game? Like that better? Happy now? She was taken for a ride. period.
I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?
Wow...I took a little break to earn some money for my wife to spend (haha...just kidding everyone...and definitely just kidding Andrea if you happen to read this ;-) ) and the world is in a sexist uproar. I guess what it really comes down to people is interpretation. We are all tying to base this whole analysis of a shotty at best description fo the situation with mucho gray area. This girl hasn't even been back to answer any questions. If everyone reads the question over again I think it is pretty clearly a digressed situation from the mans standpoint. No, it isn't because I am a guy, trust me, most guys disgust me in their treatment of women, but I don't think this is the case here.
From the way I read this the story goes something like this:
They got involved. He was happy she was happy all is well. They moved in together agreeing to split expenses to make life more affordable for BOTH of them. She is late with money. He understands. She is late with money some more. He picks up the slack. He is beginning to see that she still has money for $5 Starbucks, this begins to piss him off. She sees that he can buy what he wants when he wants. She thinks she should be able to do the same. She starts to run up credit cards buying her MAC cosmetics. THe minimum payments get higher. Student loan deferments end. Here comes another $250 a month she din't plan for. Still drinking $5 lattes. He begins to see she is irresponsible. She thinks he is being greedy. He is trying to teach her responsibility. She can't understand how he expects her to buy MAC cosmetics and Starbucks everyday on $50 a month. He thinks he will teach her. She spends her $50 she has left at happy hour with her work buddies on Friday. Saturday she wants to go out. No money left so gotta make sure Jerk Boy is along to pick up the tab. He see she is using him. He says you know what I don't feel like going out. SHe thinks he is an and he just wants to prove the point that she is being irresponsible with her money and he isn't going to reward that. He cares about her and wants to stay with her, but he can't marry someone who can't budget and balance a checkbook. He is trying to force her to budget. No where does it say he ASKS FOR MONEY FOR GROCERIES. It says he always has his hand out for money (ie. for the bills she agree to pay). He claims to never have any money because he knows if he says he does she will milk it out of him. I am pretty sure from that standpoint a guys doesn't walk around saying "I have no money"...more tha likely he says he doesn't have money the three times a day she asks for money from him.
Long and short. I am willing to bet there is about a 6 - 10 year age gap in this couple. THe girl just finished with college and is just learning what the real world is like. She latched onto this guy because she thinks she loves him, but really she is just looking for that father figure to take over the care of her every want in need just like pops did for her 4 years of college. He was butt over tea kettle for her, but now he is smart enough to realize this girl has lots of growing up to do. Girl doesn't want to grow up. She doesn't understand that life in the real world starting out isn't ever going to involve $500 of disposable income every month. All of a sudden she goes from mommy's care packages, daddy's monthly $200, her excess financial aid for living expenses of $3000 a semester (trust me it happens I have kids coing in and using it as down payments on cars all the time) daddy and mommy paying for the car and insurance and no student loan payments. To all of a sudden car, ins, no financial aid, pay back financial aid, no allowance from daddy and ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE. It is a plague of our youth. It is the plague of my generation, guy or girl. THis is why there are so many bankruptcies. SO much credit card debt. So many ZERO DOWN car sales, ZERO DOWN mortgages etc. She was poorly prepared for the harsh reality of the real world. Unfortunately for all of us, she happens to be in a relationship. Automatically it is the guys fault because he has the money to help her out. NO! He is doing the right thing, the thing hr parents neglected to do. He is holding her accountable and yeah it will make him look like a jerk. Whenever someone takes a stand they get made out to be a jerk or b**ch. Well, he is a good guy trying to gether on her feet. GOOD FOR HIM!
Everyone on here is so quick to cry for the APPARENT VICTIM without reading into anything. Look at her language and the way she phrases things. She is trying to spin them without lying, because then she would feel bad. She came on here looking for someone t tell her it was OK to be a mooch...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes loving relatioships have tough love too...to teach people lessons. The sad part about all of this is it shouldn't be about sex, but it is. You all know damn well out there that if the sexes were reversed in this situation they would be calling him a mooch who needs to get off his duff. If you say different you are lying to yourselves.
People need to not respond on emotion and outword appearances. If these questions were so outwordly simple these people would not be on here asking them. We are no smarter than they are. All you women should be ashamed for making this out to be some battle of the sexes. And for the lady who TALKED TO MANY MATURE MEN and SAY THIS IS A CON and RUNS RAMPID WHERE YOUR FRIEND IS FROM (not this country)...get a clue...that is why in your friends country they still ride mules to the maket and use outhouses and oil lanterns. GROW UP!
Sure some guy on here had some fun, but no less than the woman. Get off your high horse.
P.S. Sorry for all my bad typing...it isn't my typing skills, my laptop keyboard tend to ignore certain keystrokes. I am not as 4th grade as it may appear! :-)
WOW this is a hot debate. Well with all the who should be paying more, less, Who is cheap and who is taken advantaged of or taking advantage, It boils down to compromize. I personally think that he isn't being cheap and really she and he have only been living together for 7months..if she had said 7 years id say that its a long term relationship and maybe he should really think about helping her out, its serious at that point. I think if he is willing too, they should sit down as a couple and really discuss a budget (like Fr. Chuck mentioned) and come to some sort of compromize if HE is willing to do that. Her feelings do seem valid in the sense that it is hurting her relationship, and if this is something that is really troubling her she needs to sit down and talk to him about it. It doesn't sound like that not ounce did she talk about it with him. And if he is rubbing his money in her face that needs to be brought up to. If he feels hes justified in doing THAT, if hes doing that, then she needs to get rid of him. At the point money is the only thing he cares about, not her. No one deserves that treatment
The fact that they haven't been together for long period of time doesn't give her the right to "expect" him to pay for more of the bills. The best thing she can do is talk it over with him maybe they can reach an agreement. But yeah if she considers him "cheap" then maybe she needs to move on, he probably isn't the guy for her. If not then shes needs to respect the decision that was made before she moved in.
I know lots of people gave similar advice......just wanted to reiterate the point
Wow...I took a little break to earn some money for my wife to spend (haha...just kidding everyone...and definitely just kidding Andrea if you happen to read this ;-) ) and the world is in a sexist uproar. I guess what it really comes down to people is interpretation. We are all tying to base this whole analysis of a shotty at best description fo the situation with mucho gray area. This girl hasn't even been back to answer any questions. If everyone reads the question over again I think it is pretty clearly a digressed situation from the mans standpoint. No, it isn't because I am a guy, trust me, most guys disgust me in their treatment of women, but I don't think this is the case here.
From the way I read this the story goes something like this:
They got involved. He was happy she was happy all is well. They moved in together agreeing to split expenses to make life more affordable for BOTH of them. She is late with money. He understands. She is late with money some more. He picks up the slack. He is beginning to see that she still has money for $5 Starbucks, this begins to piss him off. She sees that he can buy what he wants when he wants. She thinks she should be able to do the same. She starts to run up credit cards buying her MAC cosmetics. THe minimum payments get higher. Student loan deferments end. Here comes another $250 a month she din't plan for. Still drinking $5 lattes. He begins to see she is irresponsible. She thinks he is being greedy. He is trying to teach her responsibility. She can't understand how he expects her to buy MAC cosmetics and Starbucks everyday on $50 a month. He thinks he will teach her. She spends her $50 she has left at happy hour with her work buddies on Friday. Saturday she wants to go out. No money left so gotta make sure Jerk Boy is along to pick up the tab. He see she is using him. He says you know what I don't feel like going out. SHe thinks he is an and he just wants to prove the point that she is being irresponsible with her money and he isn't going to reward that. He cares about her and wants to stay with her, but he can't marry someone who can't budget and balance a checkbook. He is trying to force her to budget. No where does it say he ASKS FOR MONEY FOR GROCERIES. It says he always has his hand out for money (ie. for the bills she agree to pay). He claims to never have any money because he knows if he says he does she will milk it out of him. I am pretty sure from that standpoint a guys doesn't walk around saying "I have no money"...more tha likely he says he doesn't have money the three times a day she asks for money from him.
Long and short. I am willing to bet there is about a 6 - 10 year age gap in this couple. THe girl just finished with college and is just learning what the real world is like. She latched onto this guy because she thinks she loves him, but really she is just looking for that father figure to take over the care of her every want in need just like pops did for her 4 years of college. He was butt over tea kettle for her, but now he is smart enough to realize this girl has lots of growing up to do. Girl doesn't want to grow up. She doesn't understand that life in the real world starting out isn't ever going to involve $500 of disposable income every month. All of a sudden she goes from mommy's care packages, daddy's monthly $200, her excess financial aid for living expenses of $3000 a semester (trust me it happens I have kids coing in and using it as down payments on cars all the time) daddy and mommy paying for the car and insurance and no student loan payments. To all of a sudden car, ins, no financial aid, pay back financial aid, no allowance from daddy and ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE. It is a plague of our youth. It is the plague of my generation, guy or girl. THis is why there are so many bankruptcies. SO much credit card debt. So many ZERO DOWN car sales, ZERO DOWN mortgages etc. She was poorly prepared for the harsh reality of the real world. Unfortunately for all of us, she happens to be in a relationship. Automatically it is the guys fault because he has the money to help her out. NO! He is doing the right thing, the thing hr parents neglected to do. He is holding her accountable and yeah it will make him look like a jerk. Whenever someone takes a stand they get made out to be a jerk or b**ch. Well, he is a good guy trying to gether on her feet. GOOD FOR HIM!
Everyone on here is so quick to cry for the APPARENT VICTIM without reading into anything. Look at her language and the way she phrases things. She is trying to spin them without lying, because then she would feel bad. She came on here looking for someone t tell her it was OK to be a mooch...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes loving relatioships have tough love too...to teach people lessons. The sad part about all of this is it shouldn't be about sex, but it is. You all know damn well out there that if the sexes were reversed in this situation they would be calling him a mooch who needs to get off his duff. If you say different you are lying to yourselves.
People need to not respond on eotion and outword appearances. If these questions were so outwordly simple these people would not be on here asking them. We are no smarter than they are. All you women should be ashamed for making this out to be some battle of the sexes. And for the ady who TALKED TO MANY MATURE MEN and SAY THIS IS A CON and RUNS RAMPID WHERE YOUR FRIED IS FROM (not this country)...get a clue...that is why in your friends country they still ride mules to the maket and use outhouses and oil lanterns. GROW UP!
Sure some guy on here had some fun, but no less than the woman. Get off your high horse.
CLASSIC FEMALE MENTALITY IN A RELATIONSHIP:
"Whats mine is mine and whats yours is ours"
End of Story
Everyone here knows there are 2 sides to every story.
Your hypothetical account maybe dead on however, we only have her story. So short of calling other members in this forum a liar, even when we know there is more to the story, we grant the benifit of doubt! Its called courtesy!
My point is NUETRAL advice like that above about sitting down and budgeting is GOOD advice given without all the facts. Bad advice is that given saying he is cheap, ditch him, he is a con man, etc. That is BAD ADVICE given without all the information. The accuteness of the advice should directly coorelate tothe accuteness of the information. GRAY AREA QUESTION = GRAY AREA ANSWER otherwise you all are setting yourselves up to ruin lives based on less than all the facts.
The adult men I spoke to about this are two Admirals, three Commanders, 2 Captains, 1 Medical Doctor, and Head Radio Officer and they are in the Navy of a non-backward country who don't use outhouses or ride donkeys, thank you. You must be thinking of the Middle East or Israel.
P.S. Did not like your $5 coffee story either. You weren't there so speculation is not necessary.
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