At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
I moved in with my boyfriend about 7 months ago. He owns the house we live in and I agreed to help out with the bills when I moved in. He originally wanted me to pay for half of every bill but I just cannot afford this. I make 30,000 a year and he makes 95,000! I am currently paying over 1/3 of what the bills are but I also have students loans/car payment/insurance/credit cards etc. By the time I am done paying bills for the month and buying some groceries i have about $50 left to my name. I tell him I just cannot afford to keep paying him this much and he always has his hand out for money. He also hates going out bc he does not want to pay for anything but when he does pay for something for me, he likes to constantly remind me that he paid for that time we went out. Also, for Christmas he will only spend as much on me as what i can afford to buy for him. He claims he never has any money but whenever he wants something he buys it and is currently looking at buy a $55,000 car while I am struggling to get by. Am I greedy or is he really just cheap?
In any house hold with multiple incomes, bill paying should be equal with regards to percentages of earned income. What this means is you both should be paying an equal percentage of the bills based on your unequal incomes.
In the end, your man will be spending more money on the bills, but the percentage of the two incomes spent on the bills will be equal and reasonable.
Just remember, it should be based on equal percentages of each income and not on equal dollars brought to the table. To do otherwise would be mathematically impossible in the long run and will certainly create additional acrimony!
I strongly disagree, and so does any town or state law.
For example, let's assume I make 100K a year, but I own a very little house on a tiny piece of property. Let's also assume I live next to another man, call him "Peter", who makes 50K a year, but has a house 4 times the size as mine, on a size of land 4 times the property.
The town charges taxes to everyone, that isn't based on what you earn, it's based on what you own and use.
She uses half the house, half the electric, half of all the utilities. She is responsible for half of the payments.
I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. I hate this "you make more so you pay more" theory. What if she made a million dollars a year, and he made 9 million dollars a year. She he pay 90% simply because he makes 90% of the household income, despite the fact that she'd be able to pay her half of the rent without problem?
This has nothing to do with the fact that he earns money. It has everything to do with the fact that she's having a hard time affording her half of everything. The easy way out is through him, which is unfair on his part. I feel bad for this guy.
EuRa - Yikes, hold on a minute, I'm not saying he should pay more because he's a man, I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make, It should be an equal percentage from each paycheck so that the person making less doesn't end up living in poverty while the higher paycheck parties it up. You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.
To answer your other question, I have been married for almost 13 years, my husband and I have been together for 18 years, we have two children and a small mortgage left on our house. When my first child was born 9 years ago we decided that I would stay at home and raise him. In the last 9 years I've had a few part time jobs but each time to much childcare responsibility falls on his shoulders he asks me to once again stay at home with the kids. I am a college graduate, a commercial auto underwriter by trade. Right now my husband pays for everything because I do not have an income, however, I do have a job. I've done everything from janitorial work to working in a large office for a very high power company, and being a stay at home mom is hands down the most difficult job I've ever had. Oh, and by the way for the first few years of our marriage I paid the majority of the bills and took care of our home as well. Should he be allowed to keep all his money because he is the one earning it? Am I entitled to anything in your eyes? If not then I am truly grateful he doesn't share you point of view.
Altenweg: I don't disagree with the agreement you and your husband had. In fact, I endorse it. I will never experience it, but I do agree with being a mother/wife that takes care of the house/kids is a tough job. In fact, salary.com calculated that a stay-at-home mom would make roughly $140k a year if they factored all the jobs she did around the house.
When a couple is married, and one person decides to stay home to tend to the housework, the children, etc., then I wholeheartedly agree that the breadwinner should take care of the family financially.
This specific case right now, is talking about a relationship. A dating relationship that hasn't even reached an anniversary. Let's say that she doesn't own the house...so what? Paying rent isn't about ownership, it's about utilizing whatever it is. You're telling me it's not fair that he gets to own it...well, in that case, I say it IS fair because he came up with the down payment for the house AND is paying for home insurance + mortgage and is liable for whatever happens to the house in the future. Will she pay for the termite protection? Will she pay for the new paint job? I...really doubt that. It's his house...he could have charged her 75% of the mortgage...all she had to do was say YES or NO.
I think a line is being blurred here in that people are saying that because they "love" one another, it should be equal. I completely disagree. If I followed that logic, I'd be so broke by now by the number of girls I've dated that I wouldn't have enough to pay my tuition.
Following this "love" logic, then why don't they just put their savings account + checking account together? I mean...that's equal right? There's a reason people keep separate checking accounts until they actually GET married.
equal percentage from each pay check? so if im on 200k a year and my girlfriend ok girlfriend. who is working at hooters or something like that is on 24k dollers a year
I swear that is the most messt up thing i have ever heard
You guys are married nad have kids its a totally different thing? cant you see that
If she cant pay the price dont be in the relationship simple as that.
the guy owes her nothing.
To be clear, there are no set rules for commom law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.
I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make
I know. I've known your position this whole time. I never said you said or I said it was because he was a man. Not once. I know your position. I disagree. If they were married, then I'd agree with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.
If this is your biggest point, then stop writing. She never said she was paying towards a mortgage. She never even said she was paying rent. She is paying only 1/3 of all the bills (despite her 1/2 agreement), her insurance, her car payments, and her college bills. No mortgage. No rent. You are pulling things out of thin air.
As for the rest of your quote, all that is your life. It does not pertain to this issue. What you do and who you make agreements with is all your issues. It has no bearing on this subject.
ISneezeFunny- Okay, maybe I am basing my opinion a bit to much on relationships I have witnessed. I have a friend who has been with her common-law spouse for 8 years now, they don't plan on getting married because he says "It's just a piece of paper, we don't need it". She is 26 years old (allot younger than me) and he is 32 years old, they have two children 5 and under, she makes 1/3 the income he does and also works the night shift full time (6pm until 4am). She pays for half the mortgage, all the groceries, all the children's things (clothes, schooling, diapers etc.etc.) They split the bills 50/50. He has his own car which he pays for and so does she. She is soley responsible for the kids (getting them to school, doctor, dentist, cooking, cleaning etc.) They recently remodeled their home and she paid for all the renos. He is soley responsible for the yearly property tax which amounts to $1800.00/year. Last year she found out that the property tax had not been paid for two years and they were threatening to go to court. She advised him that he was behind and he said that he couldn't afford to pay (he recently bought two snowmobiles, another car, a plasma tv etc. all of which he consider soley his property) therefore she paid the property tax with her tax refund so that they could avoid going to court, he has no intention of paying her back. I could go on and on but this post is already to long. In my opinion he is a dead beat This relationship is what I'm basing my opinion on. Once a cheapskate always a cheapskate. I will however admit that my opinion is largely based on what I see happening in the future for this couple and not so much for the present and that is where I partially agree with you, they have only been together for a short time, but I don't think things will change the longer they are together, and that's what worries me. Hope this makes sense.
To be clear, there are no set rules for commom law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.
Holy horse s**t! This board is crazy!!! Absolutely the most amusing posts I have read on here in my short time.
My Two Cents
Has anyone, including the poster, thought that maybe this guy is trying to make a point and feel the girl out? I know that if I had my life on track, owned my own home, was making close to 6 figures and I had a girl I was serious enough about wanting to move in, I would feel her out.
You all have points that need to be taken into consideration. Yes, they are dating, no, they are not married, yes they are roomates that happen to have wild kinky nookie after a steamy Grey's Anatomy episode.
Let's look at this from this guys perspective once. He obvioulsy likes this girl alot, he is possibly even in love. He has worked hard to get where he is and is probably thinking about settling down. Otherwise I promise he wouldn't be letting the girl move in. NOTICE THE VERBAGE!! LETTING HER MOVE IN!! IT IS HIS HOUSE!
The man might have marriage on his mind. He obviously isn't a dumb person. He probably knows from everything out there in the world that $$$ is the number one cause of things going south. He is trying to see if she intends on being a team player. I do not need to remind any of you how many woman, and no not all, get lazy and complacent when they get married. The man is protecting his . He doesn't want to pop the question just for her to say she isn't happy with her job then quit and take two years to find something else while he works his a** off paying the debt off that she brought into the marriage.
The man is being smart. He is testing her character and her work ethic. He doesn't want to be a crutch for her. He wants her to excel in life. He wants her to prove to him that she has her priorities straight and isn't going to be a free loader.
Her situation hasn't changed since the agreement was made. She needs to realize that her debt is there because of her and if she cannot pay it off, it is her bag of worms. If she had signed a lease could she renegotiate?
This is just ridiculous...what they earn shouldn't even be a factor...period. What if she didn't know his salary?? Maybe he really makes $200K HA! Then your really gettin' taken for a ride?
Hey, for all you ladies with the twisted logic, next time your go out to eat with your girlfriends make sure you ask the one who has the highest salary to pick-up a higher % of the tab!! HAHAHAHA!
P.S. Just so we are clear, if they were married I believe everything goes family mode. His is hers, hers is his, all is theirs. I don't believe in not being equals on everything in a marriage. Nothing should be held over anyones head no matter what the differential.
Many guys like throwing in your face what they did for you even when you may have done way more for them. I know girls that their bf lives with them and they support their bf.
Then if they do one thing for the girl like paint the living room they want to hold it over them for a year or more.
If 'n when you know you are ready and able tell him you can't afford to live with him anymore and you are moving out --but be prepared to move if he says 'see ya'.
He sounds like he may just want somebody to pay his bills so he has his play money.
Linear Mode
