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Almost everytime my boyfriend and I fight he brings up my past before him. Last night we had a huge fight because I saw on his phone that he was texting his neighbour, who is a girl that I can't stand because she talks badly about me, so I asked him to stop talking to her. I wont go into detail about all that but he swears he text the wrong number and while we were fighting he was screaming at me about my past, he said something like "I was trying to text your ex boyfriend because I don't know if you talk to him still, I don't know who you text with a past like yours". He was also screaming at me in the street saying how I "F'd so many guys" infront of all these people who were coming out of their houses to watch us fight. The reason we fought was because of something he did but he manages to turn the fight against me and starts bringing up my past. He made me look like a slut infront of so many people, including his sister and her friend. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I have never cheated on him, I've never done anything to disrespect him. I have a bad past before I even met him, I was honest about it with him and I told him that I regret it. I'm always feeling guilty for it, like I did something to him. The way he treated me last night it was as if I cheated on him but I did nothing wrong. Now he's apologizing to me saying he's sorry and he doesn't mean those things but he can't help it when he's mad, I told him that he chose to stay with me knowing about my past and if he can't handle it then he had to leave because this isn't fair to me. He says he loves me and he wants to stay with me and he wont do this to me anymore, but I find it hard on myself right now to forgive him. He hurt my feelings so bad yesterday when I never deserved it. He's done this to me many times but last night was the worst. He made me look like an idiot infront of people who know me, people in my neighbourhood who I have to see almost everyday. I'm having a really hard time forgiving him for this. I made it very clear that he's not to bring up my past anymore and I won't take it the next time he does, but now where do we go from here? I'm still so mad at him for doing that to me. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
He either realizes that you have a past that has nothing to do with who you are now, or he finds someone who's past he can handle.
It seems that he's very insecure about the things you did before you met him, he has to deal with that insecurity and stop bringing it up every time you fight.
Form what you said, he can't seem to get over it, so why stay? I doubt very much that he'll keep his promise to never bring it up again.
How much does his "I'm sorry" really mean if he keeps doing it over and over again? It's like an abuser apologizing every time he hits his spouse but then days later doing it again. Sorry doesn't mean a hell of a lot if you don't learn from your mistake.
I don't blame you for being mad, I would be too. You need to decide if you're willing to put up with this because I doubt he'll change.
Sounds too me your in the wrong relationship. He is abusing you in front of people, and you don't derserve that. Why even stay and invest any more time with someone who treats you like that. I would tell him to take the door. Everyone makes mistakes, and I am sure he isn't perfect either, so why throw it in your face too make you feel bad. I would start looking for someone else, who will respect you and treat you like a lady.
Guys or girls will do that to distract from the issue to make you look like the one that is wrong. They only do it to keep from dealing with the problem and making you the bad guy. Basically it is game playing.
They do it to intentionally hurt your feelings and shut you up.
What they don't realize is that if that is their way of dealing with problems and never letting you live down your past then you can NEVER have a healthy relationship with someone like this.
2 wrongs do not make a right.
Thank you for your replies. I think the reason he can't handle it is because he was a virgin when he first got with me, but I was not. I've told him so many times that most girls have a sexual past, and most of them wont even be honest about it with you, atleast I was honest. He says he knows that and he doesn't want any other girl. He treats me really good except for when we fight, that's when he lets it all out. Other than that he's a very good boyfriend so I don't want to throw it all away. He never used to be like this, when we used to fight he would keep things inside and he wouldn't yell at me but then he changed and now everytime we fight he screams at me and my past is usually brought up too. I agree though that the "sorry's" don't mean anything if he's not learning from it. He's got me in a position where I believe that I owe something to him because of my past, like I did something wrong to him, but I know that I didn't. At this point I don't even know what to say to him.
He's got me in a position where I believe that I owe something to him because of my past, like I did something wrong to him, but I know that I didn't. At this point I don't even know what to say to him.
I have a past that would probably make yours look like you spent your life in a convent. I met and married a wonderful guy that understands that my past is exactly that, the past.
It's the future that matters, but your boyfriend can't seem to get over what happened before you met him.
You two need to talk about this if you have any hope of a relationship. He has to understand that his words are not only hurtful but childish and insecure. Either he gets over it, or you get over him.
Sorry, but that's how I see it. You can't change someone thoughts and feelings but you do have the power to walk away.
I have a past that would probably make yours look like you spent your life in a convent. I met and married a wonderful guy that understands that my past is exactly that, the past.
It's the future that matters, but your boyfriend can't seem to get over what happened before you met him.
You two need to talk about this if you have any hope of a relationship. He has to understand that his words are not only hurtful but childish and insecure. Either he gets over it, or you get over him.
Sorry, but that's how I see it. You can't change someone thoughts and feelings but you do have the power to walk away.
I agree that he needs to get over it. And to be honest my past isn't even THAT bad. It's bad but I know many girls who have done worse but he makes me feel like I'm the nastiest girl in the world for what I did. For a long time now I let him say certain things to me and I took his crap because I felt guilty for my past and felt like I owed him. I'm at the point now where I don't feel sorry anymore and I realize I shouldn't have to. Maybe I have to show him what other people are saying so he can realize that what he's doing to me is wrong.
if the rows continue you will get to a point where you just cant take any more,little by little this will chip away at your confidence,you will decide you have suffered enough of this crap.
the good guy you have when your not fighting just wont be enough anymore..
talk to him,be tough,be firm.
you dont owe this guy for your past,he was not even around then!
forgive yourself of what you think are your wrongs,and screw him if he cant accept it.
I agree that he needs to get over it. And to be honest my past isn't even THAT bad. It's bad but I know many girls who have done worse but he makes me feel like I'm the nastiest girl in the world for what I did. For a long time now I let him say certain things to me and I took his crap because I felt guilty for my past and felt like I owed him. I'm at the point now where I don't feel sorry anymore and I realize I shouldn't have to. Maybe I have to show him what other people are saying so he can realize that what he's doing to me is wrong.
Let him read the posts we've written, it may be an eye opener for him.
You owe him nothing, you only owe yourself, and right now you're letting someone make you feel bad for something that you can't change.
I doubt very much that he'll never bring this up again, so you have to decide whether or not you can put up with it, whether or not you should have to. Personally, I wouldn't, but that's me.
took his crap because I felt guilty for my past and felt like I owed him. I'm at the point now where I don't feel sorry anymore and I realize I shouldn't have to.
Keep that in mind.It wasn't your fault he was a virgin.
It is not your fault he is insecure.
You have to live with your own demons,if you have them (I suggest you let them go) and he has no right to guilt trip you and manipulate the arguments by hitting what he knows are your emotional "buttons"!
I don't know how long you have been together but I think you need to have a serious talk about BOUNDARIES!
Let him know that ,your past,your business!Not his!
Jealous verbal abusive behavior is a RED FLAG!
I could care less how he says he sorry and makes nice,that is another manipulation!
You look at how a person is by the way they behave when their back is against a wall. Then you see some true colors!
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