Almost everytime my boyfriend and I fight he brings up my past before him. Last night we had a huge fight because I saw on his phone that he was texting his neighbour, who is a girl that I can't stand because she talks badly about me, so I asked him to stop talking to her. I wont go into detail about all that but he swears he text the wrong number and while we were fighting he was screaming at me about my past, he said something like "I was trying to text your ex boyfriend because I don't know if you talk to him still, I don't know who you text with a past like yours". He was also screaming at me in the street saying how I "F'd so many guys" infront of all these people who were coming out of their houses to watch us fight. The reason we fought was because of something he did but he manages to turn the fight against me and starts bringing up my past. He made me look like a slut infront of so many people, including his sister and her friend. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I have never cheated on him, I've never done anything to disrespect him. I have a bad past before I even met him, I was honest about it with him and I told him that I regret it. I'm always feeling guilty for it, like I did something to him. The way he treated me last night it was as if I cheated on him but I did nothing wrong. Now he's apologizing to me saying he's sorry and he doesn't mean those things but he can't help it when he's mad, I told him that he chose to stay with me knowing about my past and if he can't handle it then he had to leave because this isn't fair to me. He says he loves me and he wants to stay with me and he wont do this to me anymore, but I find it hard on myself right now to forgive him. He hurt my feelings so bad yesterday when I never deserved it. He's done this to me many times but last night was the worst. He made me look like an idiot infront of people who know me, people in my neighbourhood who I have to see almost everyday. I'm having a really hard time forgiving him for this. I made it very clear that he's not to bring up my past anymore and I won't take it the next time he does, but now where do we go from here? I'm still so mad at him for doing that to me. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
many guys are that way, it mostly beaus there afraid or just insecure and nervous of there own personal secrets that haven't been exposed yet. the best thing to do during a argument that has no meaning and is pointless is to walk away saying nothing, cause it takes two to pass words and no one likes to talk to themselves. that way if there is a truth thats not being spoken about that silence will bring a guilt and and truth to light, you cant change the past but you can assure happiness in your future think about it. best wishes.
I agree with the others you need to put him on the spot when he brings it up. When he tries and turn the tables to make the argument about your past you tell him If you don't want me then WHY are you with me! Don't let him bully you, stand up for yourself and tell him that the conversation is about xxxxx not about your past.
number one, you should probably think about how much of his past do you know? number two, from what is happening now, he will keep trying to use guilt on you for the rest of relationship. if he cant forget a past he had nothing to do with, then screw him. number three, just an opinion based on experiences by myself and girlfriends of mine, this has potential to turn into an abusive relationship. he has a hold on you and once he is secure with that he may move into more harsh psychological crud and it just progresses. just be careful and take a look at where the relationship is going. If he proved himself incapable of breaking his pattern, is it really worth it?
He treats me really good except for when we fight, that's when he lets it all out. Other than that he's a very good boyfriend so I don't want to throw it all away. He never used to be like this, when we used to fight he would keep things inside and he wouldn't yell at me but then he changed and now everytime we fight he screams at me and my past is usually brought up too.
WARNING!!! I'd say 90% of the domestic dispute calls I respond to end up with the man being arrested and the woman not pressing charges. And you know what, I usually end up back at the same house at a later date. All of these disputes begin verbally. I understand you love him, but you are an adult and you need to understand that your past bothers him, otherwise it would not keep coming up.
Please be careful. From what I've seen, by the time the physical abuse starts, the females are so broken down and have an extremely poor vision of themselves, they do not think they can find love else where so they don't want to loose the only man that could possibly "LOVE" them.
What you have done is what you have done. Water under the bridge. You can not change your past. I beleive we learn from our past (not only our mistakes) and this shapes the human being we become.
Humankind is enhanced by learning from human beings who face and overcome fears, not those cowering to them.
My suggestion to you is leave now. You do not deserve to be treated poorly.
This is verbal and emotional abuse and may (and probably will) get worse. I think you should get yourself out of this situation and cut all ties with him. He does not love you or respect you.
WARNING!!! I'd say 90% of the domestic dispute calls I respond to end up with the man being arrested and the woman not pressing charges. And you know what, I usually end up back at the same house at a later date. All of these disputes begin verbally. I understand you love him, but you are an adult and you need to understand that your past bothers him, otherwise it would not keep coming up.
Please be careful. From what I've seen, by the time the physical abuse starts, the females are so broken down and have an extremely poor vision of themselves, they do not think they can find love else where so they don't want to loose the only man that could possibly "LOVE" them.
What you have done is what you have done. Water under the bridge. You can not change your past. I beleive we learn from our past (not only our mistakes) and this shapes the human being we become.
Humankind is enhanced by learning from human beings who face and overcome fears, not those cowering to them.
My suggestion to you is leave now. You do not deserve to be treated poorly.
thank you-that is what i was trying to say myself without putting in my own assumptions of the relationship.
Thank you all for replies. I realized that what he's doing isn't right at all. When I first got with him I lied to him about my past because I was scared he would leave me if I told him the truth. We were bestfriends for many years before we got together so I had been lieing to him for years but when we got together I felt I wanted to be honest about everything so I told him. I knew it wasn't right that he would bring it up but I let him because I felt guilty for lieing to him and I also felt guilty for doing it. After the other night I realized it isn't right and he has to stop. I showed him the comments you all have said and we also had a talk about it and I told him I don't want him to bring it up anymore and if he does it again then I wont take it. I've never really told him not to talk about it before, I would get mad but I wouldn't tell him it's wrong and he needs to stop. Now he knows that I had enough of it and I want it to stop so we'll see what happens. I'm not ready to throw away our relationship because I haven't given him a chance to change yet. I appreciate everyones advice, as I said I've showed my boyfriend what everyone has said because I think he needed to see it from other people's perspectives.
If from the beginning he knew about your past and decided to maintain a relationship then why is he so dramatic!
Even if you were different in the past and liked to have a good time he shouldn't bring it up especially if you haven't been like that now that you are with him. Somebody who truly cares about you would have talked to you about that from the beginning, actually not even! He should of just said well thats the past and he should only care about the present cause thats your issues and your business not his or anyone else's instead of bring it up every time you get in a fight.
And girl please if he's yelling all that unnecessary crap in front of all those people why would you even think about giving him another chance. If you keep forgiving him then he's gonna think its ok to do it cause you wont´t leave him.
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