well shortly after our 2 year anniversary just this past october. she broke up with me, sayign she was unhappy. a week later some guy she works with wa sin the picture. we were both crying at the break up and i still pine over her. at first she seemed to resent me somewhat...then as time went on she said she would come back..."but i just need space" she would tell me. the first month she would tell me she doesnt wnat to be with me...then one day on the phone she said she is still in love withme. christmas rolled around she says not to read in who shes spending time with she will fix us and see's clarity about us...i moved into a new apartment after we broke up and she came by and i told her i didnt wnat to see her unless she wnated to gte back with me...she came by anyway...i have been a compekte wreck since then. it has been almost 4 months and i still miss her evry day. i met with a friend of hers one day and she had no idea about all the things she would tell me over email and text message.
my question is is...after 2 years of a relationship with a woman who saw her whole future with me, talked about marriage and everythign else, going cold turkey with a break....will she ever come back?? even though she is dating some new guy, she says she doesnt love him and she still loves me and i still have her heart?? what the F*** is that all about? she tells me space and time with bring her back. her family absolutely loved me and her fam and friends arent too crazy about him. howver, i havent gioven her the space she askes for..thats my fault...i just hate not contacting her you know? what should i do to get her back....she is the only woman i have ver dated who i saw my whole life with...most days i feel lost with out her and depressed most of the time...CAN ANYONE HELP???

Copperhead6

You gotta get your life back. Go down the archive and you will find several good post that will relate to you and help you understand things better. Never underestimate the value of time. When you are missing someone and really hurting for them 4 months can seem like 4 years but in reality its not. Time can do interesting things to women especially if you were a good boyfriend. The ironic thing is that letting her go is probably the only real chance you will have of getting her back down the road. Not saying that should be your reason to let go. Try to get her off your mind, it won't work, keep trying. The worse shape you are in, the more damage contacting her does. It can throw you into decovery faster than a mack truck! She's got a boyfriend right now so you have all the time in the world. Work on yourself and treat yourself like you are the best thing to have ever happened to this planet. Youll start feeling so good you won't be nearly as concerned with whether you guys get back together or not!

drop

It sounds like she may be having second thoughts. But, if she'd have had FIRST thoughts, she wouldn't have met the other guy. So, it sounds like she's setting you up to be the backup guy. After all, if your her guy, you wouldn't have to write things like

"christmas rolled around she says not to read in who shes spending time with"

and if she really cared about how you felt, you wouldn't write stuff like:

"i told her i didnt wnat to see her unless she wnated to gte back with me...she came by anyway"

If you wanna be her back up guy, keep talking to her. If that sounds appealing to you, please consider this problem: she left you once, so why wouldn't she leave you twice?

I'd suggest strict no contact and just don't answer when she calls, writes, texts, etc.

Good luck.

lost??

cut the contact. if she contacts you dont respond. she knows she still has you and it seems like shes keeping around in case things dont work out with the new guy. look how shes treating you... shes messing with your head and you dont deserve it. eventually youll realize this and move on but youll do yourself a lot of good by not keeping in touch with her. look at ither posts like this and youll see the advice is always the same, no contact. and you know what....it works

chuff

LJ, I swear this is the most common question here. As Copperhead said, read our archives and you’ll see that your problem is not unique. I think you’ll also learn something about your ex. She’s a user. She uses guys good and well intentioned emotions against themselves. Of course your answer to that is, “No, she’s different, my ex would never do that to me. She loves me to much for that.“ I’m going to attempt to show you, but hopefully if you read some of the other posts you’ll be able to see what were talking about. Because those posts will be from other people and you should recognize right away what’s going on. Many times we can see in other situations but not our own.



So what that really meant was she had emotionally left you months prior. Well she was emotionally leaving you (but not physically leaving you) she was letting other people know she was available. This guy came along and she was interested so she gave you the ax.


She was crying because she’s a woman and they are emotional. You were crying because you were hurt and in shock. The act of crying and the interpretation of what it means between the sexes is night and day. Right or wrong (and quite frankly I think it’s wrong) women see guys crying in these situations as weak. So that probably did not help your cause.


Because you were hanging on and asking her all kinds of questions. You couldn’t accept it and she had already accepted months before she told you.


She sure did. She saw how emotionally wrapped up in her you were. She knew that she could have you at anytime. So you became a back up plan. This guy from work or any other guy was not a sure thing. You were.


Exactly. She needs space to date others. When those don’t work out then you’re right there to help her pick up the pieces.


She’s playing with your emotions. Women are emotional and understand emotions a hundred times better then men do. Your logical mind interrupts that as having a chance. Her emotional mind does it to keep you hanging on, and confusing you.


How kind of her. She spent the holidays with someone else and then tells you not to worry about it. Come on you know that isn’t right.


Then why is she just talking and not taking any action towards it. The only clarity is her lying.


Yeah she did and she knew you couldn’t resist her. You should have told to leave at the door.


Of course she didn’t. She’s not going to tell her friends that she’s stringing you along. That doesn’t make her look like a friendly person. It makes her look like a user, which is exactly what she is.


First talking about marriage doesn’t mean anything. It’s a way for her to get you caught up in her emotional game. In the future if a woman brings up marriage just shy away from it. Let her bring it up several times before you really commit to just the COVERSATION about marriage. By going along with her in the early stages that just tells her that she can have you at a moments notice.


ABSOLUTELY 100% NO, NEVER.

You need to accept this reality now. This is what you should have accepted months ago. I’m not blaming you because you didn’t know but when a woman wants a space you give her all the space and don’t talk to her at all. This woman is a user. The only time she’d ever consider coming back is if someone she actually like dumped her and she needed a doormat to dump her problems on. But that would only last until she found another girl.


She’s a user. She’s a player. She’s strings your emotions. You her puppet.


She forgot lottery winnings. That would actually be the only thing bringing her back.


You can’t listen to family and friends. This is between you and her. That’s just stuff people say for emotional leverage but it doesn’t matter. They can’t change anything.


Yes that is your fault but the space should be for you, not for her. She’s gone. So give her the space and heal yourself.


Yeah I know. I’ve been there. I think many guys have. But look at it like this. What has being in contact with her given you? Nothing. Dare I say, it’s made it worse. She has dragged out your emotionally healing progress for the last four months with false promises and flat out lies.


First thing. Quit contacting her. Then lose all the photos and any other reminders you have of her. Then focus on several other things you enjoy and keep doing them until this emotional rollercoaster comes down.
I think then when you look back with a clearer mind you’ll see this was over months before you actually found out. I think you also see quite clearly that she is toying with your emotions for her own gain.

talaniman

If this doesn't illustrate who is in control and who is being controlled then you will never get it. Not healthy, and I was going to say pathetic, but I'm trying to be compassionate to your feelings. Better pay attention to what chuff has written.

LoveJones

Ok so this girlt hat some of you may know of is on my mind every single day. we dated for a bit over 2 years and have been broken up since mid october...that was her doing. so yesterday we spoke on the phone and she ends up crying towards the end. however if i make a point that is hard for her to argue she will start yelling at me and i never sa that side of her the whole time dating. she tells me that space will bring her back??? she claims when we dont talk she thinks about what she really wants and misses me more and more...saying she wnats to be with me but not right now. she tells me tht we are soul mates and that god has a plan for us...ever since then i have become very religious asking god to return her to me. we work out at the same kickboxing place and she tells me we will see each other on mon and wed, like shes doign me a favor? i said well i wnat more then just a series of mon and wed and memories of you. she said we can get back she cant gaurantee when? of course some other guy is in the picture and she tells me it s a girl thing?? i dotn get how this happened and she did a lot of things in this relationship i never had beofre. she had a friend who who are both friends with and her and her boyfriend broke up and got back after almost 2 years and are back together they said they realized they werent as happy w/o each toher. my ex still tells me not to think she wont come back and that i still own her heart and this was somethign that needed to happen to make our love stronger then it was?? i hate waking up every day missing her and goign to bed every night wnating her...still. what should i do?? why dores she give me false hope? she says i see everythign onesided and i just see all the negative and not the positive that can return for us?? will she come back? should i take her back if she does?? please help?!?!

laxforlife92

Well you guys sound pretty serious. I've never really had that relationship with a girl yet, but my suggestion is start small. Maybe some flowers with a note that says I miss you. And eventually, I think you need to grow some balls and show up at her house. From what you've said, it's pretty obvious that she wants you back. You just need to show the same affection towards her. Now you don't want to over do it and barge into her house. I'd say that the worst you could do would be keep calling. It sounds like she still really likes you but she's either embarrassed or can't express her feelings. I mean the best thing for you would be, I know it's gonna sound cheesy but just follow your heart. Honestly, if you do that you know you can't go wrong.

Copperhead6

Man you need to grow a pair and man up! Soul mates don't lead each other on! Sounds to me like she knows you are great long term material but she wants to have a little fun before she settles down. Either that or she is just trying to let you down easy. Either get yourself together and have a little self respect or just wait for her to kick you to the curb or decide that she is ready to give you the time of day. Once again, if you'r settling for a soulmate that does this too you you are seriously selling yourself short! You need to change your attitude! Good luck!

chuff

LJ, did you read any of these posts? Did you read Copperhead’s post? His stuff was right on. How about losts? Short and to the point How about my post? Not to pat myself on the back but I thought I was very careful to take the time and spell it out for you. Did you see Tal’s post. He points out that your getting used. Now you post this and I have to ask did you read anything prior. This whole post is about her manipulating you. Because she is that girl. She’s a user. She sleeps with other guys. She detests you because your weak. This girl will string you along until YOU decide enough is enough. That should have been in October. It’s now February. FIVE MONTHS! Five weeks would be bad enough but FIVE MONTHS is absurd. She’s trash. I hope you go back and read the posts prior to this one. You got a very good version of me yesterday, and it didn’t seem to change your mind so today you get the real deal.


She’s on your mind because YOU CHOOSE to punish yourself into thinking that if you hold on like this she will see how much you love her and she’ll realize that and come back to you and live happily ever after. That’s how it works in every movie. If you take out the actors every movie follows a same procedure. So you’ve been conditioned to believe that what works on tv and in the movies, plus you throw in what women say they want, and you’ve been conditioned to believe that the good guy always wins in the end. Sometimes she even goes out with the jerk who she slaps in the face or knees in the balls and returns to good guy and the audience leaves happy. Well this is real life and the movie ended 5 months ago. Now your stuck sweeping popcorn (emotional pieces) and let’s get real that chore should be done by now.



Yes it was her doing. She dropped you for another guy. SHE TOLD YOU THIS! She doesn’t see you as anything more than a doormat for her personal problems. To be blunt she sees you as another woman. You are acting like another woman would act. She’s a woman so she isn’t attracted to that.


Good.

Let me be clear I’m not telling you to ever purposely go make a woman cry. I’m not telling you to be a complete jerk. But she can cry at a moment’s notice to get you to respond.

You should have flat out said, “Of course your crying, you’ve lost a great guy and now you’ll never get him back.” She wouldn’t have expected that. Or how about “do you have a towel?” For a manipulator like her she didn’t deserve your time but since you insist on giving it to her those would have been appropriate.


It’s funny how she can manipulate your emotions through her own. It’s like she is a woman and has a complete understanding that you react the same way to anything she says in the same way. In other words you have behavioral patterns and she figured them out and she manipulates you based on your response with her emotional states.

If your not going to leave, which you should, the next time she yells at you flat out tell her that if she wants to be a then tell it to her boyfriend. If she gets more upset talk back to her. Hold your ground. The problem is you never have. NEVER. So she manipulates you emotionally.

She probably tries that with her boyfriend, you remember him - the guy she cheated on you with then dumped you for, and is having sex daily with. Well anyway she tries her little games with him and he doesn’t put up with it. But you do don’t you. You are her emotional doormat. That is exactly how she sees you.


Doormat.


Doormat


Doormat


Doormat.


And I don’t like speaking for God but the big guy is channeling me to tell you that if that skanky, slutty, stinking, two bit, nickel and dime whore is using God’s name to keep you hanging on then she’s many things I can’t write because it would get edited right off the page. Let’s just say the words start with the letter C and I’m not being overly critical because she’s used God as a way to keep a good man hanging on and she’s done this for 5 months after the relationship ended and 2 years prior to that.

I’m sure I’ll be in trouble again for that but hey, it’s the truth.


Okay seriously. Do you think God created you to punish you like this? If anything God put her in your life so that you can see what some woman are like if you don’t stand up for yourself. If anything God put this obstacle in your life so that you could learn from it. Are you?


Switch your classes to Tues and Thurs.


Why? What about the memories of her screaming that other guys name when she’s nailing him. What about the memories of her cheating on you? What about the memories of the emotional torture she’s put you through? What about you? Why does she matter at all? Have you ever once stopped in the last 2 and half years and just said “How does this make me feel?” And if the answer is, “It sucks” then how about not following through and doing what you want for once. There is give and take in a relationship, but not at the expense of yourself. You get something back in return.


Doormat.

Of course she can’t. Because then her game is over.


The guy she dumped you for. Remember that’s what happened. Get a clue here.


Yeah like end so she could screw someone else. Good times.


Big deal. Those are two different people. Did the girl in that relationship use him for 2 years then drop him to have sex with another guy? If so I feel sorry for that dude, because history repeats itself.


For the love of God. Do you have a pair of balls?

Dude, I’m an extremely emotional guy and most guys would find it pathetic some of the stuff I’ve done and allowed to happen but I’ve never let a girl string me along for 5 months then tell me that a break up that involved her screwing another guy, and telling me that it was for my own good to strengthen our relationship. I’ve never let it get that far.

IT’S F**KING OVER! IT WAS F**KING OVER MONTHS BEFORE SHE ENDED IT! QUIT TALKING TO HER!


QUIT F**KING TALKING TO HER!!!!!!!!!!


SHE’S A WHORE. SHE USES PEOPLE!


Of course she does. It’s all your fault. It’s your fault she dropped you. It’s your fault she’s a whore. It’s your fault she’s sleeping with that guy. She had nothing to do with it. Good God. And not the God she cites.


No. Never. She's gone, and your lucky but you don't even know it. Your lottery winning lucky and you haven't the slightest clue.