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I met this guy in one of my college classes 4 months ago. We went out a few times, and he’s been to my apartment several times to work on a class project. I’ve had a crush on him since I met him. We talk online all the time. I never let him know I liked him until I found out one night that he was attracted to me. He had told me that I looked nice the night we went out. I never thought that he was in to me, and was very excited to find that he liked me like that. Last Saturday, we went out drinking. He was all over me…or we were all over each other, and I took him home with me. I saw him again a few days later to do some school work. We ended up drinking at my place and having sex again. When I gave him a ride home from class on Friday night he was asking me what I was doing on Saturday. He seemed interested, so I tried to get a hold of him on Saturday and he blew me off. I wanted to see him very badly, and immediately started jumping to conclusions. I was confused…getting mixed signals. One weekend he wants me, the next weekend he wants nothing to do with me. I wonder if I gave it up too soon. I just thought we were both on the same page. I emailed him the next day (Sunday) telling him that I was confused by his mixed signals. He said that I was “freaking out.” And he also said, “I think it is safe to say that getting drunk and having sex once, more over twice, is out of character for me. For that I apologize if I am giving off the wrong signals.” Basically, what I got from that is…it was just a “fling.” I got him drunk and seduced him, and that he normally doesn’t do things like that. Well, I told him that I just need clarification, which he gave me. I saw him again tonight, because he had to borrow some books for the new semester. He seems like he still wants to be friends. I think I scared him away, but since he wants to be friends…I hope there is still a chance I could gain his interest again. I wish there was a manual on how to keep a guy interested and keep from scaring him away. Can anyone help? I still want this guy, probably because the rejection has possibly made me want him even more?
He's talking to me again...online...so that's a good sign. I'm going to try not to make myself available all the time, and hopefully he'll become interested more.
In my opinion you gave it up to soon, he did not even have time to learn if there was anything he liked about you, if you had kept him waiting for a while he might have found something about you that he liked, and if you had not had sex with him so soon he would have had a reason to keep seeing you. Most guys are actually looking for someone to marry but they are not going to turn down a little sex, but when they do get the sex that easy they begin to wonder just who you are and how many times have you done this before and still he has not learned anything personal about you other than he can get sex when he wants it and still is free to go looking for a girl that he might have something in common with and that he might even like her enough to continue to date her with our the sex. I am an older person now and I married the girl that would not put out. I may have missed a lay or two but I married someone that I knew better than that she was just a good piece. We dated long enough to find out that we had lots of things in common. And a real love developed.
In my opinion you gave it up to soon, he did not even have time to learn if there was anything he liked about you, if you had kept him waiting for a while he might have found something about you that he liked, and if you had not had sex with him so soon he would have had a reason to keep seeing you. Most guys are actually looking for someone to marry but they are not going to turn down a little sex, but when they do get the sex that easy they begin to wonder just who you are and how many times have you done this before and still he has not learned anything personal about you other than he can get sex when he wants it and still is free to go looking for a girl that he might have something in common with and that he might even like her enough to continue to date her with our the sex. I am an older person now and I married the girl that would not put out. I may have missed a lay or two but I married someone that I knew better than that she was just a good piece. We dated long enough to find out that we had lots of things in common. And a real love developed.
I understand what you're saying. But, I had known the guy and been talking to him for 4 months. And...I spoke with him online last night. I think you're right about everything else, but he seems like he's scared of a relationship (so I'm not sure you're right about the marriage part). He told me that everything is okay, he just felt like things moved so fast. It kind of freaked both of us out. I think now I will play my cards differently and give him some space. Let him come to me. He obviously still likes me, or he wouldn't still be talking to me.
I always thought that 4 months of dating was about fun and getting to know each other, but by getting him drunk and seducing him(his words) you accelerated the whole dating thing to a place he wasn't ready for and I think its unfair to say he isn't ready for a relationship since you've pretty much sped things to the next level. Slow this train way down.
My husband's exact words Tal...
When we starting dating he expressed how he liked the fact that i didnt jump in the sack with him immediately.
He said that his previous girlfriends did that and basically all they had was sex based and nothing else, infact lasted no longer than 6 - 8 months, while with me, he said he felt so comfortable and great having fun with me, doin the real dating, and he also said he wanted me more and more and more, coz of not sleeping with him immediatley
Next time you date try having fun without drinking and it ending up with sex. I don't know what he is like, but he did say that was not like him. He is attracted to you, do not be too eager and keep doing things as you have been without him. Don't talk about a relationship, let it happen. 4 months is really not that long of a time to get to know someone. A relationship should have steps. The getting to know someone, the casual dating, the exclusive dating, then on to a more involved relationship. Sex takes a relationship to a different level whether one thinks so or not. When it is a casual act, one just to finish the night off as a cup of tea it will not have the same meaning it would have after knowing someone, dating and falling in love would have. I would suggest you put sex on the back burner for a while. What if you were to get pregnant by a man who is a casual friend? Do not say you are on the pill, there has been a few threads about women getting pregnant and being on the pill. It can and does happen.
You always have to been in control... when we were dating we used to go out drinking, have great snogs and sexy dances together but didnt have sex at the end of the evening... that way you keep going back for more, thats how i see it! Keeps u on the edge.
You are all right...and I didn't want to admit the truth...THAT I GAVE IT UP TOO SOON.
Although, I do disagree about me being the blame as to why things got sped up to sex. It takes two to tango. We went out that night...he was all over me, we were both drunk and horny. One thing led to another. I gave it up too soon, and now I can't take it back. He's still talking to me, and I think that's a good thing. It's not just all about sex. We should've waited longer...and now I'm going to do what you all said (and what another friend told me). I will put the sex on the back burner, and pretend like it didn't happen. Now I need to prove to him that I am worth getting to know, and that I'm not just a sex toy. He knows that I thought it was more than "just sex." I told him that I had feelings, and that I really like him. It went too fast, and it's time to slow down. It would be a good idea to give him some space, so he can decide what he wants from me. Right?
Back off, not just when it comes to the sex but in the amount of time you spend together and talk with each other. Spend more time with yourself and your friends and less time with him. Let him miss you and wonder what you're up to. That may get him paying more attention to you.
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