I'm not a openly gay woman.( talked to guys most of my life)  but I met this girl 6 years ago. Used to work together for 3 years until she went off to college. But we always stayed In touch (At the place we used to work together.)because she would always come by & visit me on the weekends when she would be home from school.

Our relationship isn't a normal friendship. We never really talked on the phone. We would always keep in touch in person... She stay on my mind. & we never really talk about our feelings.. I changed job positions and we lost touch for About 6months. . After that my mother started dating a man. & by coincidence she had happen to go to the that same church as my mothers now fiancée( my moms  fiancée & her family are good friends) . We linked up there at church on occasion within a year time frame.

Over that time I realized I wanted to be in a relationship with her! Around that time she had been still dating the same guy for about three years.  After a while they broke up. 6 months went by & then she started dating another new guy. After that I decided that maybe we didn't have a connection I thought we could have! And really what the use of us even seeing each other if anything wasn't going to happen? ( for me it got to the point where I couldn't image seeing her with someone else) I Admit I have jealousy issues. So I stop going to that church & really haven't been since. & I haven't even spoken to her. ( on occasion she would ask my moms fiancée how I was doing & ask about me)

Around about the beginning on 08" I added her to my facebook page.( 1st time connecting with each other n several months) She still had been dating the same  new guy since the last time I seen her. Then I started to notice that several of her FB status were about me( her status example: "you can't run away from your heart" or wondering about you) . Still we never really talked about our feelings & never really hung out.  Always was a quick hello. I ignored it because our situation was already confusing plus she had a man. So whatever she was saying really didn't matter to me because at the end of the day she was with him not me...

Since then it's been 2 years & basically we really haven't had " the TALK" . I've never been n a relationship & I'm not really aggressive when it comes to getting something that I want. Plus I'm a female know to be heterosexual & she's a "heterosexual" female ( been with only men n her relationships) . & basically neither one of use were comfortable enough to "come out to each other." till this day we still haven talked... She's single now as I know of... & Now we don't communicate at all we are still FB friends but we didn't even talk on there. Now I believe she really doesn't even want to speak to me. I sent her a message but she won't even reply. So lately I been feeling pretty down.  I believe I messed up a good thing..  & I don't know where to even start with her & I friendship. I need some advice. I still in love with her.. after 5 years. I thought I was over it but I'm not.  I feel in some way I let her down. Any advice thanks?

Sorry for wrong grammar I type most of this up on my phone real fast. 

How did you let her down?

She hasn't messaged me back.. im guessin I wasn't aggressive enough

Id say write her one last letter. In this letter tell her everything.

Tell her you think she is a great friend and you won't want to lose the friendship but what's been keeping you away these past years is the you like her. That when you got a boyfriend you got jealous and could be around her as you were hurting. That you couldn't get over her and every time you saw her it bought back feelings stronger.

Then tell her that you still like her, but really don't want to lose her friendship. That your sorry for how you acted in the past and it wasn't her fault.

This will let her know how you feel and also give her a chance to say how she feels

I think you walk away and get over this episode of your life as 5 years of holding on to what?? A hope, and a dream? A fantasy?

You really don't know. I think at this point you accept she has a life and for whatever reason, she is to busy and unable to give you what you want from her.

Maybe when the emotions are much clearer, with out the love tensions you have, maybe a friendship is possible, but its not working for now, and you have tried.

Leave it alone, and give other things in your life that you enjoy some attention, and focus.

I am wondering how much you have focused on your 'feelings' for her and built them up in your own mind to keep from dealing with 'real life' relationships. How many people have you turned down because you were caught up in a fantasy? 'Not being aggressive' in going after what you want can be a smoke screen to hide inside.

Before you try to get in contact with her again, I think you need to get in contact with yourself. How do you feel about you? Do you like yourself? Are comfortable with yourself? If you have a good inner relationship, it makes you a stronger, more confident, person and a better partner when you do get into a relationship with someone else. Knowing yourself can take away a good bit of any confusion you feel when deciding how you feel about other people.

I do think this is a fantasy. You have spent so long thinking about it that you have built it up in your mind. Don't you think if the feelings were mutual you would have known it by now? When she broke with her boyfriend why didn't she come to you before she started dating another man again?

It has been five years. Let it go and move on. Enjoy life today and tomorrow instead of dwelling of what if. Put your energy in a real relationship and be happy with reality.

I think I missed something. Is this woman bisexual for sure? Has she ever told you she's bisexual or are you fantasizing that she is?

How do you know that the FB statuses were about you and not her boyfriend?

@88sunflower, aimee_tt, & Cat1864: thanks for the good advice! I'm going to try focusin on something else.. hopefully it will work & ima try working on me.

@J_9: & she's aways dated men so I never really talkd to her about it. Or put myself out there like that for embrassment...

& about the FB status for example;

My status at 1 point was "wondering about you.." her's later that night was "thinking about you..LOL"

Just getting her off my mind is easier said than done.

I think you are reading too much into this and that she is most likely your fantasy. If nothing has happened in 5 years, chances are nothing is ever going to happen.

Time to move on.