Im a 34 yrs old and realized im bi sexual have not crossed over yet but very much on the move. 6 months i've been real close to a guy whom ive known for almost 20 years but do to the difference in age (hes 8yrs younger) we've just connected deeply over the past summer. the past month hes come out to where i live and has been staying w/ me due to us making plans moving out to Phillie and being roommates. I took the chance and told him i have fallen for him ( in so many words) and hes seems somewhat aware already and excepting but in one of his drunken states hes has expressed hes straight,not attracted to me and said "im looking for something thats just not there"he cant reciprocate but in the same moment of expressing his heterosexuality hes told me he has thought of going bi enough to the point where he felt hes very much straight that he has random sex w/ women of all legal ages since hes been in his teens BUT he 'd try anything once maybe twice if he liked it??? After telling me hes totally not attracted to me he then said we may do something sexual but at this time...where we are... it may end a friendship.. Now 1 week later hes met a girl and took a room in town... we seem ok but I can't help but feel lost like something went wrong i don't feel like his main interest anymore he knows im in a real bad place but im not sure if he knows its over him. a few weeks back he had me VT him masturbating ,drunk of course, he said it was for something to w/ an agency and NOT for me in any way.
hes truly a great guy a little lost but so am i . I want to be w/ him 24/7 and he says he very comfortable w/ me too but he hes always gonna chase woman
So I kinda distanced myself from him to avoid seeing her and hearing about her etc... im some what jealous.

whats this all about? ...Am i just in fantasy land ? or are there any possibilities?

valinors_sorrow

They say that the trouble with being bi is there is competition from everyone! But twice as much opportunity too, as I see it. LOL

I tend to think two things that really allows me to see this in a different light than some people will.

First of all, I think sexual orientation is like on a continuum so when we attempt to squeeze ourselves into one of three catagories, its not as accurate. I am largely straight but not exactly evenly spaced between very straight and bi LOL . Do you catch what I am saying here? So what you are as a sexual orientation doesn't matter as much to me as what are you willing to do. And I see he has yet to do same gender sex so I would advise that you take notice of that.

The second thing I think factors in here is that sexual attraction is a kind of power that some people get off on wielding in a way that is kinda crappy. I think you've been seduced by a player, frankly and that you're both male and you're maybe gay and he is maybe straight has nothing to do with it other than it lends itself to the "game". Players come in every flavor -- you only need to look to literature to know how it works. If you want to get hurt some more, pursue a player. If you aren't a little indignant about being played, then you're gonna get played a whole bunch more too since players have radar for that. How do I know this? I am an ex-player.

If I were you, I would graze in pastures where the possibilties are more in your favor.

talaniman

I agree with Val here and I think since he is doing his thing, you should forget him and get on with your life. He seems to be keeping you on a hook with just enough line to pull you back when he so chooses. Break his line and be the one that got away.

confused872

WELL...on the past NYE we were partying hard and having a great time then we started to play wrestle and then he told me he was in love w/ me and then ...well we had sex...all night long. after that its been somewhat weird but we were getting along well for the most part. He told me its the booze and nothing else that it meant nothing to him. then 2 weeks ago we were hangin' in a bar w' his buddy and these 2 very large girls just started to hang out and talk w/ us...I leave to go home... stopped to get gas and cigs after leaving when I finally got home i find my friend having freaky sex w/ 1 of those chicks from the bar and his friend is w/ the other chick just watching so they said...I was mortified to say the least. The next 2 days on and off he told me I was acting like we're a couple . he said he loves all kinds of women as long as they're female. He gotten more distant w/ me since NYE. Then he told me He threw me a frikkin' bone and tells everyone he F@#$ing he loves them " HES NOT GAY.
So the next day I just packed up and left w/o a word he called me 2-3x the day after I split but has not since and im so sick over it. I know he feels or felt something but im really not sure. I so do not want this friendship to end but I can't watch him w someone else romantically.
I do hope he gets in touch w/ me but have strong feeling hes moved on.

ordinaryguy

You're not gonna get it laid out for you any plainer than this. All the cultural preoccupation with "sexual orientation" is really a big distraction and irrelevant to the matter of true importance, i.e., how to have healthy and mutually satisfying emotional and sexual relationships.

Players are players are users, no matter how they or anybody else classifies their proclivities. Play at the risk of ruining future relationships that otherwise could have risen above your hurts and fears.

confused872

Thank You

Anth_1

it's ok, nothing can worse than being alone