I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...
I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.
I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.
I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?
he does not love you, expects you to wait for him,possibly,if he does not find someone he considers better..so he is off having sex,yes sex with other women while you sit and cry..
does that sound fair?
he has some neck to say that to you,and feel that you have wronged him in some way,cause your upset that he wants to get his rocks off!
change the locks,call your friends,call your family,gather support around you,and thank your lucky stars you did not marry this man.
Did he seriously think you'd believe him when he said he would marry you but not now because he needed to see what else is out there? If he wanted to marry you he wouldn't need to see what else is out there. What a load of BS. Be glad you found this all out now and not further down the road.
It is time to say good riddance to that individual and give him his ring plus whatever else of his you have. Then begin No Contact. Have him return your belongings via family or friends. There shouldn't be anything left to say after that.
He isn't only insensitive he is putting your health at risk by his playing around.
I wouldn't believe a syllable he says about being faithful after the wedding. I would be afraid he was setting up dates with the catering staff or bride's maids.
Let him play with his promiscuous women that he doesn't like.
You can find a real man who knows that love is more than a word and that a promise means something.Don't let his stupidity make you think that all men are like him. There are many more who respect their relationships.
Don't let his actions cause you to doubt yourself. He is the one with the problem not you and letting yourself take any blame for his infidelity will tear your self-esteem and respect apart.
It won't be easy but you will survive and be stronger for getting rid of him.
He's trying to keep you as a safety net. He wants to explore, while keeping you and trying to make sure you dont look for anyone else in the process. This is the definition of selfishness. No contact, disappear from him and never return. Find a real man who will stay faithful and committed for the long haul. Do not believe the "i will be faithful once married" bit, that's just a line to try to keep you.
As others have said, that is incredibly selfish on his behalf. Begin NC right away, you will not be anybody's backup. I honestly cannot believe that this guy has the nerve to even say this to you. When my ex started asking me about marriage (after a little over a year of dating) and I said eventually, but not right now and I told her it was because I didn't think we were ready financially, relationship-wise, her still being in school, etc... all what I would consider valid reasons (she broke up with me like 3 weeks later because "I didn't have the same time horizons as her" lol... but you get my point). His reason for not wanting marriage to go out and date other women and then coming back to you is bogus. Drop him like it's hot.
It sounds like he does not respect you. If you stay with him, then you don't respect yourself either. You can love someone unconditionally and still keep your self-respect. Parents do it all the time when they "cut the umbilical cord" and kick their kid out of the house for their own good.
Thanks for all the support.
I know it is clear as black and white. I have no intention to be fooled by his lie, and will go my way seperately. I just cannot believe he had such an animal inside of him, and obviously I was blinded by his sweet talk. It hurts so bad though, and I do not know what to do to forget this pain.
I am keep saying to myself, I must be Ok after for a while, but I just cannot stand the image that he is with someone. It is totally disgusting.
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