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I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...
I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.
I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.
I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?
I just wonder, how I lost my interest in him so completely. Am I too cold?
You are anything but cold. From your writings here, I would say that you are an extremely out-going warm-hearted person.
I think one reason why it seems like you are getting over him faster than you may feel like you should is that you have support of friends and family keeping you from letting yourself wallow in remorse, pity, or confusion.
Another reason is that you have woken up from an unrealistic dream of what a romantic relationship should be. You can now see what you thought were caring gestures were actually attempts at controlling your thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Finding yourself again can be a big help in 'getting over' the person who tried to change you.
You are anything but cold. From your writings here, I would say that you are an extremely out-going warm-hearted person.
I think one reason why it seems like you are getting over him faster than you may feel like you should is that you have support of friends and family keeping you from letting yourself wallow in remorse, pity, or confusion.
Another reason is that you have woken up from an unrealistic dream of what a romantic relationship should be. You can now see what you thought were caring gestures were actually attempts at controlling your thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Finding yourself again can be a big help in 'getting over' the person who tried to change you.
Welcome back to reality.
Cat2070939,
You are right about the whole thing again. Thanks for your insight. I really think I am over him at this point. I did not expect I could over the future husband to be so quickly.
I am glad I do not have any confusion anymore. I have clean head and refreshed heart.
Last night, I was so scared though, because I wonder if I became a man hater or cold woman. That was the last one I want to be. I want to be the same person before I met my ex, who is very sweet and passionate for anything around my life. Thanks for assuring me as a good woman. I feel greatly relived.
It is a big wake up call for me to realize how much I was deceived by the illusion of love with the wrong man. I could end up living in a totally wrong path for my entire life. I am so glad I found out the 'real color' of him before it is too late.
I just want to make sure to myself, (ha ha since I was scared) I have been believed as a woman who has endless sweet love for my partner in any age. I know I still have the good heart and un-tarnished passion for 'the right man'. One day, I will meet the right person somehow magically, and make him honored, loved and perfectly happy. Ha Ha (I guess I have to be extremely careful to choose a date or figure out the real color of the person though. )
Right now, I am only focusing on processing my healing whatever it takes, and will have fun as much as possible as a single. I have good family, friends, AMHD (best part), good job, pretty apartment (!), and so many fun plans in my hands. I cannot be happier. My calendar is already filled with many exciting plans until the end of the year. By the way, I got the call from the hospital for the volunteer opportunity. I wish I had some medical skills, but I have none. I guess I can do something for them still.
Yes, I am. I am deeply involved with the multiple fund raising committee in my area.
I thought it sounded like you were.
Does the hospital need volunteers to help children/teens with their school work or help keep them entertained with reading or games? For that matter, do they need volunteers to be "companions" for adults, too?
Friday night I went to a cinema with Mr. scrub, my neighbor, who asked me out for the movie, Zombieland. I thought the movie was somewhat PG-13 comedy horror, but it was the worst horror ever. I was so scared, and pretty much screamed for entire movie. Mr. Scrub had arms around me to comfort, and I shoved my half face on his shirt (?), and inventively it looks like he hugged me for entire movie, but it was not that intentional.
After movie, we had a quick bite together. On the way come back, he asked me to go out with him again. I casually said yes, but I would choose a better movie at this time. Ha Ha
He looked at me with serious look, and said it will not be just hanging out, but a real formal date. He said he had crush on me for long time, heard about my breakup from Dexter, he would go slow, and will not pressure or rush me. Well, I told him I would be gone for cruise for 2 weeks. He told me he would happily wait for me for 2 weeks, but he had to know the exact date to make plans for us. He joked he was wondering if someone would ask me out in any minutes, since I am single now. He was blushed when he said that part, and it was cute. He was funny, charming, good looking and intelligent indeed. So, I happily accepted it. I have not dated any doctor so far, and it will be new thing for me. So, I am set up for a dressed-up formal date just after my trip. It will be exactly 8 weeks from the breakup.
By the way, Mr. healthy soup (Will) is teaching me rocket ball every Wednesday now as well. I also have a guy who had a big crush on me in the Halloween party, and he wants me to take me out too. So, one, who is living in my building, and another, my co-worker, and 3rd guy, Mr. Halloween…I will try to hang out with them and see how it goes. I have no intention to take anyone serious, but I need good company & fun now. I guess I should tell them in front not to hurt their feelings & avoid confusions.
Well, my single life goes well, and my ex is history now. Should I close this thread now? Thank you for your support, all.
You are doing great, but be prepared for something to trigger a down moment. Holidays can be a tricky time. Though, it sounds like these gentleman may try to make sure you don't have time to think about Mr. Ex.
I agree with Cat. Don't be surprised by a bad moment.
And, no, don't close the thread! This is entertaining.
Plus if someone comes along all sad about a situation similar to yours, they can read it and see that there really other fish in the sea.
But maybe I'm just being selfish.
Have a great trip and nice that you had such a great date (well, sort of). I went to see Zombieland with my two teenage sons and even though I knew what to expect, I still yelped a couple of times!
I agree with asking , keep this thread going. Not only are we happy to hear your story but it's a great journal for you to look back on and see what you've learnt from your break up.
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