bf wants to see what else is out there

confusedrebecca · Sep 27, 2009, 12:44 PM

I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...

I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.

I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.

I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?

confusedrebecca · Nov 1, 2009, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

rebecca,your doing so well,keep it up,your like a differant person to your first post and your last post..looks like you have taken off the shackles and dancing away now.

great to see it.

your an inspiration.

redhed35,
Actually you are the inspiration who give people the light and direction.
I just followed the guideline.
I feel much better, because I know what I want in my life.
If there is a goal, I will find the way to reach it. I always did it.
I am dancing around now, but standing on my firm ground. I will not stand on a cloude with illusion any more.
thank you always.

confusedrebecca · Nov 4, 2009, 04:53 AM

Week 5

My apartment re-decoration project is going very well, and I am glad I started it. It makes be busy, and gives me so much fun. My place looks fresh as like a lemon. I feel much better and refreshed. I even changed all the curtains. All women should know how fun it.

Now, I have boxed my ex's stuff now. What is the best way to handle it?
I really do not want to open a possibility of getting frustration or argument from him.
I am having it in my closet corner for now.
Some of his stuff have values, and some have only sentimental values.
Thanks for your advice in advance!

confusedrebecca · Nov 4, 2009, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

if he is not looking for it dont send it..

do not open the lines of communication.

if he looks for it,you can then forward it to him through a 3rd party..

your doing so well, if you did make contact he may misunderstand and read too much into it ,he knows its there,let him look for his stuff first.

I agree.
I guess I have to keep it in my closet for a while then.
Thanks always!

Cat1864 · Nov 4, 2009, 05:15 AM

If you do send his things back, I suggest sending them to his friend (Dave?) or the friend's wife to be returned to him from there or by way of your father to his father.

I agree that you should not have any direct communication with him even if it is sending him a package of his own belongings.

amicon · Nov 4, 2009, 05:17 AM

I like your colourscheme!
I boxed my exes stuff for a month then took it to a charity shop.:-)

confusedrebecca · Nov 4, 2009, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

If you do send his things back, I suggest sending them to his friend (Dave?) or the friend's wife to be returned to him from there or by way of your father to his father.

I agree that you should not have any direct communication with him even if it is sending him a package of his own belongings.

I agree. I do not want any direct communication with him, since he can take it as a sign or an opportunity to re-start his argument.
I will think about it and find the best soultion.
It is not urgent, can wait until I can come up with a good idea.
Thank you always!!!

confusedrebecca · Nov 4, 2009, 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

I like your colourscheme!
I boxed my exes stuff for a month then took it to a charity shop.:-)

I love the new color scheme too.
It looks professional.
I like to idea of 'charity shop', and it sounds very good.
Is it ethical to get rid of someone's belongings by myself without permission?
I am puzzled.

kctiger · Nov 4, 2009, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedrebecca

I love the new color scheme too.
It looks professional.
I like to idea of 'charity shop', and it sounds very good.
Is it ethical to get rid of someone's belongings by myself without permission?
I am puzzled.

In my mind it isn't a question of ethics, it is a question of necessity. Welcome to a break up, where others' belongings have to go, regardless. You have to do what's best for you. Take your time as you said it wasn't urgent and consider the best option possible to avoid any prolonged drama.

confusedrebecca · Nov 4, 2009, 05:27 AM

Traveling Finally after 5 weeks of breakup.

Good morning everyone, I got very lucky, and have to tell you the good news.
I wanted to get out so badly since I broke up, but could not arrange a trip due to my friend's busy schedule.
I did some spell on my girl friends over Halloween party, ("oh, I can see you will takje a gorgeous trip in a tropical area very soon..." something like that).

Guess what! It worked! I am going to take a cruise trip with 2 of my girl friends!

We found a last minute deal with Royal Caribbean Cruise line last night, and we just booked the trip online just now. It is for 10 days trip, and we are leaving next week.

It is round trip from NY to San Juan, Puerto Rico; Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas; Samana, Dominican Republic; Labadee, Haiti.

I am so grateful. The Genie's bottle really works!!!
I am pretty sure it will help me to get rid of the post breakup blue big time.