I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...

I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.

I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.

I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?

confusedrebecca

Yes, amicon,
It feels so great! I learned my true value I cannot loose myself for the wrong & small person.

kctiger

It's funny you mention that. I am actually a very emotional guy and I tend to sympathize with women who have to deal with us men, who sometimes act like robots. Yes, without women our lives would be awful. I am one guy who considers himself the lucky one anytime he is in a relationship.

On a side note, stick around for awhile, get comfortable and chime in when you feel the need to. We all start somewhere, and I think you offer a tremendous amount of wisdom to us all, for we all share unique perspectives.

Just Looking

I think you underestimate yourself. You are wise and compassionate, a perfect combination to answer questions. You have a soft way about you that is very appealing, and why so many of us care about you.

I agree with what you said about saving time. I know I could have easily been lulled back into something in August, but would have eventually found out the truth. I was also blinded until my eyes were forced open. You could save someone else that heartache if you do get involved.

asking

Hi Rebecca,
It is MUCH easier to give good advice to others than to know what to do oneself.
I agree about your kind and civil ways being an asset.

One thing I've learned here is that when 5 people here all tell me the same thing, I should listen. Sometimes I haven't and I have basically wasted a lot of time, like you all say, sometimes months and months. I have gone back and reread threads where I asked for advice and didn't take it. I think, What an idiot I was!

confusedrebecca

Oh, well,
(I am cleaning up my throat here... ha ha)
If you think I will be helpful, then I feel honored, and will accept the invitation then.
I will promise I will do my best to help others if I see any chances.
Let see... Do I have a membership to do that?
What? I already have one? Oh, Thanks. I was not aware of it.

Thanks, Just Looking, Tiger, Cat, Amicon. Adam, Asking. Thanks, all.
It is truly my pleasure to meet you, the wonderful guys, on this board!

So, where is my welcome beer?

adam_89

Rebecca, I would like to extend to you an invitation to my ship:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge/...-410834-4.html

It is alot of fun there and everyone enjoys it. It was Kc and Justlooking's (J-Lo) idea to invite you and it is a great idea. Please come join us and have a beer.

confusedrebecca

OMG. I love party. My middel name is party as well. See you there.

confusedrebecca

Decisively reshaping my place & life : Silly Story

I am working at home today to receive some furniture I ordered to completely re-do my apartment. It is very important for me now, I can make my self busy & occupied in a constructive way. It will refresh my mind in a big deal, and greatly cure my depression from my breakup.

I got up early, and started to think I also need fresh painting as well. My apartment management offers fresh coating of paint once a year with no charge if the tenant requires. I am living in a high raised apartment complex by river, which offers great view and professional neighbors, but it has very strict regulation. As you know, all the units are painted with same color, creamy beige color. I want cappuccino color for total re-do.


9:30 am:
So, I went to management office down stairs. I talked to manager, Mr. xyz, I need a fresh coating in my apartment as soon as possible. It was no problem, and he arranged it for me this Saturday. I told him, I also need to paint to cappuccino color, and I will buy the paint, you paint it for me. He said No Way even without consideration. I looked at his eyes, and said softly. "Mr. xyz, I just broke up with my boy friend a month ago. I need this color to restart my life." He looked at me for a while, and finally laughed loudly, but still said No. He said it was a good try though.
I will get the new painting, but the same creamy yellow color this Saturday then. Sigh...

10:00 am
I went to mr.xyz again. I told him I still need the cappuccino color, and it should not be a matter for them to paint if I buy a paint. In fact, they actually save their paint. I looked at him again, and said softly "Mr. xyz, I still broke up with my boy friend a month ago. I need this color to restart my life." He looked at me, and laughed again. After a moment of pause, he told me they will paint whatever color paint I buy. However, when I move out, I should paint back to the original color by myself. I also should keep the door closed, and do not let other tenants I had a special color." I promised and left.
I will get the new color this Saturday then...


10:30am
I went back to mr.xyz again. I told him it does not make any sense I have to paint back to the original color by myself when I move out. Because painting service is included in the terms, and I should get it once a year if I ask. I told him again softly, "Mr. xyz, I still broke up with my boy friend a month ago. I need this color to restart my life." He nodded his head, did not laugh at this time, and told me he understood. He said they will paint it back when I move out. I thanked him and left.
So, I will get the new color this Saturday without complication! Happy Ending.


So, it is all good.
Do you know where I picked up this negotiation skill though? From my ex in the past month. If you try hard, you can shake someone else hard. You never know if you don't try. Did I get the lesson right or what?

kctiger

Extremely funny story Rebecca! You learned well. At least he taught you one thing.

confusedrebecca

I cannot agree anymore. I am trying to learn from any resurces.