I am new here, but totally heartbroken & lost, and really need guy’s view point & everyone's advice. Thanks for help in advance...

I am 27, in 1.5 years of relationship with my bf of 28 yrs old, and I love him so much. We exchanged our promise ring, and talk about getting married in a year or so. Recently, I felt he became distant. Last night, I could not reach him at all, and realized he was not available every Friday night lately. So, I did my research, and guess what, I found out he posted his profile on multiple dating sites, and has been active. I was heart broken.

I confronted him with tears today. I told him I have been faithful for him since we met, and he should do the same thing for me. He was upset about my confrontation, and told me that he would marry me someday but now, and he likes to explore 1or 2 years to see what else is out there. He told me he would be faithful once marred, and that’s why he needed the experience right now. He is telling me that he will still see me every weekend, even though he is trying to see someone else, and I should not take it as a big deal (?). He is also saying that he does not like a promiscuous girl, and I should stay with him no matter what he does. He told me “You are telling me you are not interested in anyone, I will marry you in a couple of years anyway, and you should be with me.” I was speechless, and asked him to leave. He was very upset, slammed the door, and left me even without apology.

I had a sleepless night, and I have cried all day long. I was in denial, but now I know he has been cheated on me. How could he do it to me? I am totally shocked and confused. I am very angry, and my brain is keep telling me that I should break up with this cruel person right now. However I am so scared to loose him. My heart says I should be with him unconditionally. I love him so much, I will regret if I loose him. What should I do? I am totally lost and need help big time. Can you please give me any advice? What should I do?

mcnillis

I really dont believe that any man should treat a woman like that. He sounds like an insensitive who is insecure.Its really sad and unfair that people are like this, but how can he possibly be faithful in the future if he isnt now. He will keep on doing this to you. Dont put yourself through this. He is a cheat!!!!!!
He has told you he has cheated!!!
He told you that he wont be faithfull to you.
So as much as it may hurt, you should leave him with respect for yourself ;which you will loose, as i know from experience.

BlackVY

Don't cry over a guy who treats you like this.

He just wants the best of both worlds. This way, he can see if there is someone better than you out there and if not, you are his backup plan

In the meantime, you are sitting on the sidelines, getting played!

Thats insane. I agree with everyone else on here. Be happy he is gone. You may have loved him, but he clearly does not love you enough to be with you. He just wants some fun, so be happy with whats happens. Don't cry for this boy anymore. He will realize his mistake one day, but by then, it would have been too late. Move on.

Good luck. You deserve better

confusedrebecca

Thank you backvy.
You are right. It hurts so much, but i cannot be with him anymore.

If you noticed, he is keep promising he will not cheat again for any forms ever. He told me that he was embarrased when he was caught, tried to cover up he was talking, and acted out as bold, he would keep talking & dating other girls, but he did not mean it. He said it was more stupid behavior than online chatting.

However, it is too late. The sweet & passionate love I had for him was totally shattered, and it cannot be repaired anymore. I loved him the most as a man in my life. I did not have any doubt we would happily marry, and have beautiful kids together, and getting old together. We both have loving family, our family loved us as a most blissful couple, and we were considered the hot couple among our friends. Now all is gone.

I am still crying every night, not for missing him anymore, but for the scary emptiness, which the amazing love was gone for nothing so rapidly...
Can I ever fall in love again and love the one just like I did for him? I just hope I can do it again for the good person at this time.

Someone on this board has user name ash. Did she go though this emptiness?

confusedrebecca

mcnillis,
you are right. no man should women like this. I did not deserve this. I gave him honor, love and caring, and he returned it with decption, lie and disrespect.

I already feel I move on a lot, see the distance between him and me. I am miles away from him now. I am still crying because I am so sorry what happend...

Cat1864

I don't know if it helps, but I think it is human to go through that emptiness at some point in time. I've been there and that emptiness is painful in ways that a physical injury can never be. It does lessen as you heal and add new feelings and memories. The important part is that you choose positive thoughts and happy memories. Filling the void with anger and hurt just keeps it aching and damaging to your own heart and mind.

Remember that this is still new. Remember that you just now started getting your life back on track by returning to work. As we will keep saying, give yourself time. How much time depends on the individual.

Let yourself heal and you will someday find a new love. It won't be the same. No two relationships are ever the same. However, it has a good chance of being better, stronger and even more fulfilling.

On another note, did you tell the people at work that you are no longer accepting calls, etc. from Mr. Ex?

confusedrebecca

Yesterday
Many co workers stopped by my office to say hello since they heard I was sick.
I look pale, lost 6LB, and it was just appropriate for the sick leave.
It is nice I have demanding job & nice people around at work.

My ex called a couple of times yesterday at my desk, I did not recognized the number on the caller id, accidentally answered and said hello, but just hung up after I found out it was him. He left voicemails and said he like to 'formally apologize' what he has done to me, and promised he would make it up for life time. I have no idea what he meant by "formal apology". My ex sent a flower arrangement & sandwiches by delivery man just before noon. I gave the sandwich to an intern in my office, who is college kid and always have huge appetite. He is wating his money for nothing.

Today
I came in office at 8 am. I removed the photo frame of me and my ex from my desk. It was heart wrenching to watch the smiling couple in the picture, which I can not associate myself anymore with. It was good time, and i had no doubt we would have happy marriage together. How insane...

I stopped wearing my ring since the breakup. My finger looks pale & lonely.... Someday, 'a decent man who deserves me enough' will give me his pure heart & a pretty ring to me in future. Until then, I am moving forward step by step. Sigh...

Cat1864

One step at a time.

Make sure that the people at work know he is history. If there is a receptionist, make sure he/she knows not to put Mr. Ex through. You might even want him/her to redistribute the 'offerings' or, like with the sandwiches, do it yourself. Did it help you feel good to give the sandwiches to the college kid?

asking

I agree that almost everyone experiences that emptiness at some point. The first love is special in many ways, but you can definitely fall in love again! The point is to love the right person, someone who will treat you with honor and respect and also cherish you and the relationship. Your ex sounds immature and it's not clear if he will ever grow up.

(I am hoping you taught him a lesson at least, but I don't know if the lesson he learns will be to be a more loyal mate or to be more secretive.)

Being hounded with gifts is bittersweet, since you do not want them and they are a constant reminder of him. But there will come a time when they stop and you may feel a renewed grief.

When a relationship ends, we may or may not miss the person, but we often experience a sense of failure. Plus we have so habits, like talking every day or similar. Bottom line, it is normal to feel awful. But be patient with yourself and try to do things that cheer you up and stick close to people who care about you. Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon.

Take care.

confusedrebecca

asking,
everything you said is right. you said exactly what i feel now... I will stick with your word, "Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon." thanks,

-rebecca from grief -

BlackVY

You will be ok rebecca... and there is a better guy out there who deserves the love you have to give, someone who is faithful and who wants to be with you only. Its just a matter of time..