My best girlfriend for over 30 years, won't speak to me.

Wondergirl · Nov 7, 2010, 08:45 AM

I'm here to help you work through this. What happened?

carolyna · Nov 7, 2010, 09:45 AM

Thank you! I went through a divorce 5 years ago after 32 years of marriage. My husband took off with his secretary and I was devastated at the time but
Doing much better now. He was a jerk and I was and idiot for staying with him for so long. Anyway, my best friend for 30+ years told me she did not
Want to go through this drama with me and that I should stop acting like a victim. I really was stunned by this comment and she said it to me over the
Phone five years ago. I went through a divorce that she had 15 years ago and subsequent relationships she has had later. I always thought we would
Just go through life together. We spoke on the phone everyday. I moved away for several years but we still spoke everyday and she came to visit often.
We actually live in the same town now but she does not respond to my phone messages, nor to a letter I recently sent her trying to patch things up.
I just can't seem to let go, mainly because I really don't know what I did in the first place. I felt worse about this loss than I did about my marriage
Breaking up. What do you think?

Wondergirl · Nov 7, 2010, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolyna

I went through a divorce 5 years ago after 32 years of marriage. My husband took off with his secretary and I was devastated at the time

I'm really sorry to hear that. Thirty-two years is a very long time to have invested in a relationship!

Quote:

doing much better now

I'm glad you were able to work through it and pull yourself together again!

Quote:

my best friend for 30+ years told me she did not want to go through this drama with me

I'm guessing it reminded her too much of the drama she went through herself.

Quote:

I should stop acting like a victim

I'm guessing she acted like one, or at least felt like one, during her own divorce.

Quote:

I just can't seem to let go, mainly because I really don't know what I did in the first place. I felt worse about this loss than I did about my marriage breaking up.

You have no closure on your friendship. It makes no sense to you. You gave her your heart when she needed you, and got slapped when you needed her. You gave her everything of yourself, and she gave you nothing. I'd be angry and upset too.

Quote:

What do you think?

Will there ever be a time you will be with her in person, or be in the same room with her?

carolyna · Nov 7, 2010, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolyna

I went through a divorce 5 years ago after 32 years of marriage. My husband took off with his secretary and I was devastated at the time

I'm really sorry to hear that. Thirty-two years is a very long time to have invested in a relationship!

Quote:

doing much better now

I'm glad you were able to work through it and pull yourself together again!

Quote:

my best friend for 30+ years told me she did not want to go through this drama with me

I'm guessing it reminded her too much of the drama she went through herself.

Quote:

I should stop acting like a victim

I'm guessing she acted like one, or at least felt like one, during her own divorce.

Quote:

I just can't seem to let go, mainly because I really don't know what I did in the first place. I felt worse about this loss than I did about my marriage breaking up.

You have no closure on your friendship. It makes no sense to you. You gave her your heart when she needed you, and got slapped when you needed her. You gave her everything of yourself, and she gave you nothing. I'd be angry and upset too.

Quote:

What do you think?

Will there ever be a time you will be with her in person, or be in the same room with her?

Thank you so much-very helpful. I doubt if we every meet in person. She just doesn't respond. She also
dropped another friend.

Wondergirl · Nov 7, 2010, 10:41 AM

Quote:

She just doesn't respond. She also dropped another friend.

That's tells us it's her, not you. She doesn't want to relive her own divorce in someone else's, and it's just too much water going over the bridge for her to want to swim in.

Be proud of yourself for being there for her during her time of trouble and during her bfs afterwards. The day may come when she will finally confess to you what kept her from listening to and supporting you. Just know you are a good friend, and don't let this bad experience keep you from sharing yourself and your generous spirit with others.

carolyna · Nov 8, 2010, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Quote:

She just doesn't respond. She also dropped another friend.

That's tells us it's her, not you. She doesn't want to relive her own divorce in someone else's, and it's just too much water going over the bridge for her to want to swim in.

Be proud of yourself for being there for her during her time of trouble and during her bfs afterwards. The day may come when she will finally confess to you what kept her from listening to and supporting you. Just know you are a good friend, and don't let this bad experience keep you from sharing yourself and your generous spirit with others.

Thank you.
You have really helped me!

My best girlfriend for over 30 years, won't speak to me.

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