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    My best friend and I want to have sex, but we're both in a relationship.

    Asked Jun 29, 2012, 12:18 AM 6 Answers
    My best friend and I are really close. I recently admitted to him that I have been in love with him for like 2 years. At this time, 2 years ago he had a girlfriend which he is still going out with now. I have a boyfriend as well but we have only been in a relationship for about a month. After I told him how I had felt, he said he's always saw something in me too.

    The topic got brought up about us having sex and we both agreed that we could if we didn't tell anyone, and kept it between us two. Were really close and we know that nothing will ever ruin our friendship. If I really have loved him for this long and I have a boyfriend now, and he feels the same but has a girlfriend what do you think is the best decision? What do you think is the right thing to do?

    Thanks!

    Last edited by talaniman; Jun 29, 2012 at 03:16 PM.
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    ali18ninja's Avatar
    ali18ninja Posts: 159, Reputation: 16
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    #2

    Jun 29, 2012, 12:34 AM
    Cheating is never the answer. I understand how you feel but he has a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend. Neither of them deserve to be cheated on. You may think that it's OK now, but sex can be very damaging. It could amplify the love between you two or it can drive a wedge in your friendships. Sex is not to be taken lightly. I'm not sure if you're a virgin or not or if he is or not, but if you both love each other it's going to ruin somebody's relationship. Would you want to live with the shame of having sex with him if he was to marry that girl one day? Or if you married your current boyfriend one day? Regardless of how you see it, it is cheating.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 61,868, Reputation: 5752
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    #3

    Jun 29, 2012, 03:21 AM


    Sex is NOT a recreational sport. It is something to be shared between two people in a long term committed relationship.
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    WisperWill70's Avatar
    WisperWill70 Posts: 277, Reputation: 84
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    #4

    Jun 29, 2012, 08:50 AM
    Cheating on your partners and not having a defined relationship might seem like a great idea when you're thinking with your "in love" brain finally getting to discuss these feelings you've had for a long time --- but the fall out from this could leave you with no boyfriend/girlfriend and no friendship! Sex complicates any relationship and sex without any kind of defined relationship or commitment can be tricky. Not only that, but you'll have to bear the guilt of making a choice that is selfish and unfair to your existing partners.

    What happens when you fall even more for your "friend" and he has had sex with you and refuses to leave his girlfriend because he loves her? -- Be a grown-up and wrap up your current relationships... if he doesn't want to do that ; that's your answer. Move on.
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    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #5

    Jun 29, 2012, 03:06 PM
    I don't understand this logic. If you both love each other and want to have sex with each other, then why not date each other legitimately? Break up with your partners and do this the right way.

    Having NSA sex with someone you have feelings for is a really, really, really bad idea. It won't be a one-night stand, you will get attached. It will ruin your respective relationships and it will also ruin your friendship. By cheating, you have a lot to risk and very little to gain. Don't do it.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,058, Reputation: 10289
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #6

    Jun 29, 2012, 03:23 PM


    Both of you break up with your partners, hook up, and lie and cheat on each other. You are already lying and cheating on your partners already just planning to have sex behind their backs, even if they NEVER find out.

    That's the right thing to do is.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,727, Reputation: 7217
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    #7

    Jun 29, 2012, 03:28 PM


    Agree you break up with your current boy or girl friend and you start dating each other.
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