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Basic background is that my girlfriend of almost 3 years suddenly came to the conclusion that she was unhappy and needed "to take time apart" and re-evaluate our relationship.....which sounded a lot like a breakup to me. It was so hard at first but I decided going NC was best for me to figure myself out in the mean time and I really have become so much stronger.
At this point, I feel she's probably nervous to talk to me b/c I basically fell off the face of the earth (no AIM, myspace, etc.). Either way, it's been a month and I want to meet with her so badly and talk. I feel the cause of this was I was needy for a while and I sort of made her my world as opposed to being a big PART of my life. Of course I accentuated this feeling at the time of our break b/c I was overcome with emotion. Also our relationship got too comfortable and we lost that excitement. But in the mean time I have stayed very aloof and independent, so I don't think she has any idea what's going on with me....which is good b/c I discovered that time to myself was actually a great thing for a while.
I love this girl so much and I want her to know how much I love her. I feel like I want to send her flowers before we do meet up. Is this a needy thing to do or does it show love? All I want is for her to see me for what I am now and how much I have learned (by showing her of course). I fear all she knows is what used to be....but I genuinely feel like such a better person that it's obviously benefiting me, and I know it could springboard our relationship to something more special than it's ever been. I see this separation as a blessing in disguise....but being in NC for a month now, I feel things are probably awkward (at least for her) in even talking again at this point. What should I do????
Well you have certainly gone about this in a healthy manner, in fact exactly how all of us here would have advised you to go about it if you came here a month ago looking for advice.
It is great that you have identified problems in your relationship and in particular things that you did wrong.
It is also great that you found time alone with out her a great time in which to learn about yourself and grow. You certainly sound fairly convincing when you say you have learnt a lot about yourself and what you did wrong.
I certainly hope you have taken steps to fix these things as well (not just identify them).
So generally i think you have done quite well. But i will have to question your desire to get back in contact with her. It sounds to me like it was a break up too. Not just a break.
She hasnt contacted you at all by the sounds of it, so that indicates to me that she might be quite happy with how things are at the moment, and that is without you in her life. Sorry to say it but it appears to be how she feels.
I'm sure if she was missing you enough she put aside her nervousness and call you.
If i were you i would continue with the no contact! You probably arent as far advanced as you think you are. We see it here a lot, people think after a couple of weeks of no contact they are all of a sudden finished grieving and ready to talk again. They get the a rude shock when they do make contact only to find out it wasnt what the ex wanted at all, and they go back to square 1 and in a lot of pain again.
So my advice would be to continue this growing and learning you seem to be doing so well.
Continue to work on you. Sending flowers and meeting her to confess you undying love wont bring her back. Nothing will bring her back. She has to want to come back. And if she does, well then you will be able to firstly decide if you want to try again, and if you do, then you will be able to prove to her how much you have grown by your actions and your new attitude to the relationship.
It would be naive of you in my opinion to try and force this new you upon her now. Just because you think you are ready doesnt mean she is.
Keep going down the path you are taking and if it is meant to be then im sure one day she will come looking. If not then you would have most probably grown into a person that will be happy without her anyway!
Your whole post is based on what you think she is feeling and going thru. Forget it. That's the part of you holding out hope she will come back. Please stay on the path your on and continue the no contact and work on building a life you enjoy without her. A month is still too soon for you to be healed given what you have written and the fact she hasn't called you at all either.
I'm almost in the same situation you are in. I know you miss her like hell and the pain doesn't seem to fade. The only thing I can tell you is what I learned from these guys. Do not contact her unless you are over her, unless you don't care if she comes or goes. Contacting her now will hurt you only even more because she is NOT going to say what you want (hope) to hear.
Hang in there.
yes wait another month or 2, im sure if she wanted to contact you she would do so with some excuse or something.So i agree with Skell above, no flowers, nothing...not even a happy new year msg...
I would still continue with no contact. My ex didn't contact me at any point either. It has been 6 months now, he only phoned me once. I always contacted him first. I left it 3 months without contact and recently sent him an email and he emailed me back a couple of times. I don't feel any better for it, nothing has changed in anyway. I think I should just leave it and not contact him. Although a month seems like a long time, it isn't : ) so I wouldn't worry at this stage about contacting her. Best to leave it for now.
thanks for the responses everyone. Actually she did contact me a couple weeks ago....asking if maybe we could meet up and talk about things. Although it wasn't a very cheery email so it didn't make me feel too confident...but maybe that was me just being paranoid. Either way, I wrote her back and told her in a nice manner that we should meet later....as I know I was not very far along in the healing stages a couple weeks ago. I do feel much better now.
Now we are just kind of in limbo between her asking a couple weeks ago to talk with me delaying it....and now there hasn't been any contact for 2 weeks.
<<asking if maybe we could meet up and talk about things.>>
yeah guess that kind of talk equals that she wants to end things...wait until you are stronger and then go and have the talk
read meedee23 his is the same situation as urs 3 years +break +wants to talk.
There is alot of useful advice there.
If you care about this girl, you need to let her know. Not by going overboard. But just simply telling her that you still care, etc. Obviously, you do, so why play games?
Some accurate information sure would have helped a lot here Dazed. If any one had known she had called you a few weeks ago don't you think that would have factored into our responses? According to you, you've had no contact for a month and in fact you have. Now either your broke up or separated and to tell the truth, I suspect your posting just to get attention and have something to do. Are you serious or not?
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