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from a bad reltionship to a good but that turned bad to!
Hi People,
I am a newbie here, i will have to start from the beginning i was going through a bad relationship a few years ago, i was going through domestic violence etc etc. After i gave birth to my daughter i then decided that i didnt want her around violence and arguments everyday so i told my ex he should leave and we have no relationship anymore, things got worser he would not leave and started torturing me,he was always at home he would not work because he knew i would leave him.
He never left me despite me asking him to for months and months things were escalating arguments were getting worser my bruises were getting worser, i fell into depression and at that point i didnt know what was going on with me i even started self harming myself, a few months later my ex started work but i was always kept an eye on fron his friends etc even if i wanted to go i had no were to go.
Basically i the relationship was finished i was at a point were i hated him but he would not leave my house he would stay there. I felt trapped and ar if there was no way out until i met someone when i met him i told him everything he was so caring and helped me move away from my ex but then i started feeling for him but never said anything as i had my daughter to look after, then after a while we ended up sleeping with eachother and we bonded a strong relationship and my daughter bonded a strong relationship with him to. He told me he was married and had kids, he said it was a arranged marriage and its only the kids he would see.
We had little tiff but then i agreed because of my daughter being so close to hime 2 years went by happy having a good life met his family and kids they yould come down every weekend. But then things changed he was never here and even stopped staying with me, i was confused but i asked him again and again he kept lying and making exscuses until i found out that he be's at home with his kids mother and kids, so i told him to leave and i dont want to see him anymore but now i am back in the same situation we have a another daughter and im pregnant but he doesnt leave he comes and rqends time here and goes. He says he loves me and things will be back to normal, just be patient. Now i dont know what to do!
You need counseling.
Your behaviors are self-destructive.
You don't see your own value and worth.
You have two (3) children that are dependant upon you.
Please break the cycle of self-destructive behaviors, you do deserve better and your children do also.
The children have to be your main focus, they need you more then he every possibly could, including financially. Do not pass your income on to him.
Call the battered womens shelter, your self-destructive behaviors are common of women who have been abused for many years. They can and will help you.
No i dont give my money to him, i have rent to pay kids to feed dont have money to give him.
You're in a very sticky situation. You say his marriage was an 'arranged" marriage. That prompts me to ask where he's from. It sounds like he's from a non-western culture and possibly one which practices polygamy. I think you now realize that counting on him to be your "rescuer" was a mistake and a bad reason for jumping into a new relationship. What you need to focus on now is providing for your kids the best you can. You should take legal action against the fathers of your daughters in an attempt to get some child support. You may need to start with your state's welfare agency.
The way I see things is you need some help from a counselor, but more so from a lawyer, to get you to the legal point of defining his responsibilities, and give limits to his access to you, or your kids. Visitation is fine for a dad, but it must be on mutual terms than he has to respect, and obey.
Showing up unannounced is not acceptable, and its controlling.
As far as counseling goes, I must admit, that I think your on the right path to independence, but some guidance, and support, would be just the thing to have when times get tough, or he acts a butt hole.
Just curious as to the relationship with his family. Do they support you or are they only on his side?
You're in a very sticky situation. You say his marriage was an 'arranged" marriage. That prompts me to ask where he's from. It sounds like he's from a non-western culture and possibly one which practices polygamy. I think you now realize that counting on him to be your "rescuer" was a mistake and a bad reason for jumping into a new relationship. What you need to focus on now is providing for your kids the best you can. You should take legal action against the fathers of your daughters in an attempt to get some child support. You may need to start with your state's welfare agency.
He is a muslim pakistani and his mum told me that she got him married when he turned 16 and now she regrets it because she blames herself
For ruining all her kids lifes.
The way I see things is you need some help from a counselor, but more so from a lawyer, to get you to the legal point of defining his responsibilities, and give limits to his access to you, or your kids. Visitation is fine for a dad, but it must be on mutual terms than he has to respect, and obey.
Showing up unannounced is not acceptable, and its controlling.
As far as counseling goes, I must admit, that I think your on the right path to independence, but some guidance, and support, would be just the thing to have when times get tough, or he acts a butt hole.
Just curious as to the relationship with his family. Do they support you or are they only on his side?
Are you still estranged from your own family?
His mum has been very supportive of me because she knew what happened with my family, i lived with a family until i turned 15 thats when i found out they were not my real parents, they treated me different to their own kids i should of knew from then.
All i know is my mother passed away and i dont know anything about my father.
Yes they all know about me his parents family and wife he has also said he is going to marry me and his parents see my kids and spend time with them. I do want out of this relationship so i can do something with my life but he does not accept it.
HE doesn't accept it? Who is he exactly to dictate or define what you do with your life. BE STRONG
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