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from a bad reltionship to a good but that turned bad to!
Hi People,
I am a newbie here, i will have to start from the beginning i was going through a bad relationship a few years ago, i was going through domestic violence etc etc. After i gave birth to my daughter i then decided that i didnt want her around violence and arguments everyday so i told my ex he should leave and we have no relationship anymore, things got worser he would not leave and started torturing me,he was always at home he would not work because he knew i would leave him.
He never left me despite me asking him to for months and months things were escalating arguments were getting worser my bruises were getting worser, i fell into depression and at that point i didnt know what was going on with me i even started self harming myself, a few months later my ex started work but i was always kept an eye on fron his friends etc even if i wanted to go i had no were to go.
Basically i the relationship was finished i was at a point were i hated him but he would not leave my house he would stay there. I felt trapped and ar if there was no way out until i met someone when i met him i told him everything he was so caring and helped me move away from my ex but then i started feeling for him but never said anything as i had my daughter to look after, then after a while we ended up sleeping with eachother and we bonded a strong relationship and my daughter bonded a strong relationship with him to. He told me he was married and had kids, he said it was a arranged marriage and its only the kids he would see.
We had little tiff but then i agreed because of my daughter being so close to hime 2 years went by happy having a good life met his family and kids they yould come down every weekend. But then things changed he was never here and even stopped staying with me, i was confused but i asked him again and again he kept lying and making exscuses until i found out that he be's at home with his kids mother and kids, so i told him to leave and i dont want to see him anymore but now i am back in the same situation we have a another daughter and im pregnant but he doesnt leave he comes and rqends time here and goes. He says he loves me and things will be back to normal, just be patient. Now i dont know what to do!
You need to get firmer and stick to it.
When he comes to your house tell him he is not allowed in. If he won't leave you alone call his wife, call the police. Do whatever it takes to get it in his head.
He took advantage of you by trying to make it like he was concerned only to put you into a mess.
Telling you he is going to marry you is only to play on your emotions.
IF you want to marry him what you do is push him with time frames and ultimatiums.
I don't think we should be so harsh on her as she has a lot on her plate. I do believe that the main problem is financial? Can you be dependent financially? If you can, then loose all men for a long time until you are stable and you feel you have everything under control. If you are not dependent financially then go out there and start to be.
Sorry spelling mistake. I ment i have told him if he does not agree that we are over and only come and see my daughters then i will take an injunction out on him if i do that he will not be allowed anywhere near where i live.
I don't think we should be so harsh on her as she has a lot on her plate. I do believe that the main problem is financial? Can you be dependent financially? If you can, then loose all men for a long time until you are stable and you feel you have everything under control. If you are not dependent financially then go out there and start to be.
I do not take lightly the fact that the OP was in a domestically violent situation.
I do not take lightly the fact that the OP rebounded into another destructive relationship.
I do not take lightly that there are children involved in the self-destructive behavior.
The answer is counseling, no men in the OP's life and I can guarantee that any coddling of the situation will keep the OP looking for reasons to keep the second married man in the OP's life, which will just continue the path of self-destruction.
If the problem is financial, then call the nearest domestic violence shelter and see if they can help you and your children get back on your feet. Do not continue contact with this married man. You need a break to focus on you and during the pregnancy is your best time to focus on getting yourself back on your feet for your children.
I don't think we should be so harsh on her as she has a lot on her plate. I do believe that the main problem is financial? Can you be dependent financially? If you can, then loose all men for a long time until you are stable and you feel you have everything under control. If you are not dependent financially then go out there and start to be.
No i am not financially dependent on him i started work when i told him we are finished, its mostly him who comes to me begging me for money and tels me that he is struggling.
I have sat for hours and hours at night and thought about it, i think it was me finding comfort and security i had a bad time at home with my parents until i left home when i was 15 maybe that plays a big part, because he showed me love,security and care i thought maybe this was ment to be but obviously not.
No i am not financially dependent on him i started work when i told him we are finished, its mostly him who comes to me begging me for money and tels me that he is struggling.
I have sat for hours and hours at night and thought about it, i think it was me finding comfort and security i had a bad time at home with my parents until i left home when i was 15 maybe that plays a big part, because he showed me love,security and care i thought maybe this was ment to be but obviously not.
You need counseling.
Your behaviors are self-destructive.
You don't see your own value and worth.
You have two (3) children that are dependant upon you.
Please break the cycle of self-destructive behaviors, you do deserve better and your children do also.
The children have to be your main focus, they need you more then he every possibly could, including financially. Do not pass your income on to him.
Call the battered womens shelter, your self-destructive behaviors are common of women who have been abused for many years. They can and will help you.
I agree with justwannabefair......
ALSO he is most likely justifying in his mind seeing you BECAUSE he gives you money,
As long as he gives you money he feels he has a right to say and do whatever he wants when he wants and you should just accept it.
Do not take another dime from him no matter what.
You need to get firmer and stick to it.
When he comes to your house tell him he is not allowed in. If he won't leave you alone call his wife, call the police. Do whatever it takes to get it in his head.
He took advantage of you by trying to make it like he was concerned only to put you into a mess.
Telling you he is going to marry you is only to play on your emotions.
IF you want to marry him what you do is push him with time frames and ultimatiums.
No i dont want to marry him i dont want to be the other women.
Good for you now you have to get him to take you serious that you want nothing to do with him.
You just have the one daughter to the ex and none to him right? You are not obligated to him in any way even letting him see the ex's kid. Don't let him pull anything over on you.
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