Hi, this is my first post after reading so many other topics on the board. Although I've been reading about people's advice on the no contact, it's really hard to do so when I would get hot and start breathing heavily during the times when I think about her. Pretty much, I'm stressing my body out. I have actually lost a few pounds during the last few days due to my lack of appetite. Maybe if I share my story on here, I could get some weight off my shoulders.

I'll give you a heads up on what happened and I would like to know your opinion on it if possible. First and foremost, I'm Chinese mix with a bit of Viet. My Chinese is a lesser known dialect (teochow) so I can speak both languages just okay. In my area, there are very few girls who share the same nationality. To make matters worst, my college population only consist of 1% Asian. So where am I getting at? Pretty much, I want to say that although I am a pretty open minded person at times, having a girlfriend who shares the same nationality and culture makes things so much more easy and it does make me feel more connected in a sense. This girl I met has match my personality more than any other girl I have ever came across. I knew from the start that this is the girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's smart, beautiful, caring, and so much more. Well, that was the first half of the relationship that is.

Anyway, me and girlfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half and it's been wonderful all through the way. Although there were a few arguments here and there, they were nothing too serious as we would usually make up and get over within a few hours to the next day. There were times when she would want to have a break from me, but I always find a way to pursue her not to. I'm the type of guy who doesn't want to sleep angry at another person. I usually like to settle things right away and get it over with. This time, I thought it would be the same but it's different.

She's asking for a break to figure things out in her life. She's a high school senior while I'm currently in college. We both have a busy schedule and are only able to see each other on Saturdays. She lives an hour and a half away from me and for the whole relationship, it's been me driving up and down to see her once or twice a week... even three times if possible. This is because she didn't have her license yet, but she recently got one a few months ago.

The problem that I have with her is this "best friend" of hers. For the first year in our relationship, she has never mentioned anything about this guy. One night during summer, they started talking. It would be hours on end even in the dead of the night. She claims to me that he is just a friend and there's nothing more. We would argue constantly because she would spend her nights talking to him instead of me. After awhile, she and him talked less and less. It was good again for a few months. Up until recently, I found out that she was on the phone with him for 5 hours straight after she told me she was tired and was going to go to sleep. I was mad because she lied. That whole day, it went okay as we went to the mall and everything. She promised the guy she would stop by his place for a little bit because he would throw a party. I really didn't want to go but I said I'll go just for a little bit. During the time there, I stayed quiet the whole time as they were talking to each other. There were a few other people there as well. I was mad at this guy the whole time so I didn't want to say anything. He's the person that takes my girlfriend's time away from me. When we were leaving, I walked a few steps and told her, "hold on, I want to talk to him for a bit." She knew my personality and she knew I wanted to hit the guy. Honestly, I thought about it but I figure it wasn't the best thing to do. What I really wanted to do, was to talk to him in private about how I felt. I wanted to say that since we're both guys, we would understand and respect people's girlfriend. I don't mind him talking to her, but I DO mind him talking to her at crazy hours of the night. She and her sister pulled me back saying "No, David, No No" after I knocked on his door. We left without saying anything.

Anyway, as I was driving home that night, me and her talked on the phone about "us". She really wanted the break this time around. I asked her if she loves me anymore. She replied with "I don't want to say it if I don't mean it anymore". However, she did say that deep down inside, she still loves me. I kept telling her on the phone how much she meant to me and how much I did for her, gave up for her, and what I was willing to do for her. All the other times we had an argument, saying those things and pouring my eyes out got her to just drop the argument and went back to how we were. This time, it didn't work. I was so worried the whole night that I couldn't get any sleep. The next day, I tried calling her and hoping she just slept it off. Apparently, she was still angry at the fact that I kept calling when she told me to stop. I had to do something before it got any worst. At this time, I was not thinking at all. All I had on my mind was to get her back and do whatever it took. I drove to her house again but with flowers and a handbag from a designer store (knowing how much she loves materialistic stuff). Unfortunately, it didn't work this time. I was standing there hugging her and telling her how much she meant to me and that I was sorry about acting stupid because I was angry. She told me as much as she liked the gift, she can't accept it from me. I gave her one last long hug and she told me to go home because she had schoolwork to do. I purposely left the gift there for her although she told me to return it. Okay, here's the part where people would yell at me for. I know I can't buy love and I shouldn't have done that. I only did that because I wanted to take a chance...like I said, I was willing to do anything.

Later that night, she called me and explained where we stand. She wants a break from now until Oct after her SATs are done. She doesn't want me to call because she'll be the only one that calls. On the phone, I told her a few times how I love her. She replies with "that's sweet". I asked her if that's the only way for her to respond and she goes "me too," or a "I don't want to say it when I don't mean it," again. It really hurts, but I just try to laugh it off. I also question her about her best friend and told her to be honest with me. I asked her if she was starting to like him again (because she admitted to me that they both liked each other last time, but not anymore), and she replied with a "no, I only see him as a friend". What bothers me is that she spends more time talking to him on the phone than she does to me. How do I know this? Well, I guess people could call me paranoid, but we have access to each other's Cingular's account online and there's a call log on it. When she told me she had school work to do, she ended up calling him instead. She even asked me if it was possible if her and him would be able to go hang out as friends every once in awhile. Knowing me, I really wanted to say no but I knew that would be the wrong answer. I told her, "as long as you promise me you won't go over to his place or anything,". She said okay. I also typed her a long email saying how she means so much to me and how she changed me into a better person I am today.

Earlier this morning, she texted me a message asking a random question and I called her right back. We talked for about 12 minutes as she was getting ready for school. She told me she had to go get ready so we hung up. I later found out on the call log that she tried calling him twice afterwards and left him a text message. During lunch, I was reading through our old text messages and so I left her a sweet one saying, "hey wifey, how's your day going? wanna do dinner this saturday?". Maybe that was stupid of me. It probably is, but like I said, I'm doing anything right now. After school, I called her but she didn't pick up. I called her 4 minutes afterwards and I got a "will you stop calling me?!" from her. I just told her I wanted to hear about her day so far and such. We hung in a little bit and I went to my late afternoon class. During this class, I kept stressing out about the whole thing and all I want is things to go back to normal again. I was driving home (3 hours later after the last phone call) and hesitated to call her again to see if maybe she was less angry now. I called... and things didn't sound to well as she said "why am I not surprised you called?" We went on and talked about our day for 10 minutes or so and started talking about "us" again. I asked if she still wanted to hang out this Saturday, and she told me she had to go to her grandparents to fix something with her car. We could go "as friends" if I wanted. I said okay, whatever works. I asked her how long this break was going to last and she until October-ish and we'll see how things turn out. As much as I don't want to hear that, I don't know what else to say to change her mind. I also asked her if she still wants to go with me to my friend's wedding in October and she said yeah. She told me she had to go because she was busy so I let her go.

Okay, that was some long typing but I'll go on for a little bit more. A few hours later, she gave me a quick call and asked me about what kind of phone she should get. I told her my cousin is selling a new phone he doesn't want to use. I told her I could get it for her, but she said she'll get it on her own. I tried to switch the conversation onto "us" again and she said she doesn't want to talk about us right now. I also asked her if "things are slowly getting better yet" and I got a "not really" in return. We hung up again because she wanted to go do some work.

cont...

Here I am, typing up my whole weekend experience to you guys. I've read countless times that there should be no contact between me and her on this break. I find it very hard to do so when I stress out about what's going on in her mind. She normally tells me whenever I asked before. She would give me quick calls and ask me questions on random things besides our relationship. I really don't know what to do right now. I also questioned her again about her and the best friend guy and she said all they talk about are foods and such. I know they use to like each other and I know he knows we're on a break. I'm really scared if he's trying to play the nice guy act and win her over slowly. I'm doing everything I can to not let that happen.

She's a real hard diamond to find and I'm practically willing to do anything for her to stay by my side. She knows this. And I know she knows I'm being clingy right now. Never in this relationship have I ever been this "dog" who's willing to do anything. In times of a crisis, I don't care how low I scoop. Ugh, I really don't know what to do.

I sent you a private message

I think you behaved extremely bad, and your fears, insecurity and very irrational immature behavior will run her off for sure. A self assured mature male is not afraid of any competition from another male, and not intimidated by a male friend. Sorry the pickings are slim, but you are not ready for a mature adult relationship. Leave her alone, and grow up and get your act together.

Giving you guys an update.

Yesterday when she had a dent on her car, she was worried that her parents would notice it so she asked me for help. I hesitated but I couldn't just say no to her so I came by. Me and her talked for a few minutes and we hugged each other and all, but yeah, it felt as though it came from sympathy on her part. Even when I tried to sneak a kiss in, she responded with just a kiss on the cheeks. When I was driving home, we talked on the phone for a little bit about random things other than our relationship. She wanted to go to sleep so I told her "good night hun, i love you baby". She replied with "okay, good night."

I wanted to test this whole thing out so I gave her a quick call in the morning before she headed off to school. Turns out, I got a "what do you want? you don't have to call every morning you know."

Okay, seems like I drove all the way up there for nothing. I'm a bit pissed off by that matter.

Maybe it's time to show my colder side. You're right, I shouldn't be afraid of any competition.