Another gay man in love with straight guy?

Ash123 · Sep 16, 2007, 01:37 PM

This sounds like wrong crush at the wrong time.

I see no good things coming from this.

WHY?

1) you work together
2) he doesn't know you're gay
3) you are obsessing over a co-worker and your work will suffer
4) IF someone "made a move" - then what? Out-him for office love, a long-term relationship? Not going to happen. I'd thank the lord I came here FIRST instead of venturing farther.

I'd cut back on errands, and pick-up carpools - as they are just a means for you to get close,
And find a new crush. I know that is the LAST thing you wanted to hear, but it's an attempt to help -

americangayboy · Sep 16, 2007, 11:30 PM

YIKES! Being "in love" with a straight coworker sucks. I was totally infatuated with my former boss for close to a year. I was convinced that he knew how I felt and he kept being a huge flirt, so I started to resent him, but held on to the hope that it was him SLOWLY coming out of the closet. I may have been right, I may have been wrong, but either way, nothing would've worked. Do you really think a relationship would work with a freshly out of the closet guy?

If you are really that close, how does he not know you're gay? Are you out at all?

Clough · Sep 16, 2007, 11:52 PM

I agree very much with the answers above! I just would like to add that, Vorenus, how do you feel about the relationship that this man is in already? Do you think that it is of any value to the two of them and something that would be worth potentially breaking up? How do you know that he has had vast experience in life, work and love? Through hearsay from others according to what you would like to here? Or, from the "horses mouth" himself, meaning him?

I think that what your thoughts are merely wishful thinking. I would not try to second guess this man. You can't read his mind. By trying to do so, you are only messing yourself up! He's already in a relationship and has been for a number of years? You can imagine anything that you like concerning him, but I would think that if he really was interested in you concerning a close, personal relationship as sexual or whatever, then he would have definitely let you know by now.

A quote from your post:

Quote:

I mean it has been three years. But it always seems like the best is yet to come.

In three years of working and doing other things with and for this person, I think that you would know the answer by now concerning what you have posted. Don't risk it man!

Vorenus · Sep 16, 2007, 11:55 PM

Hi all,

Yep, I guess I need to see the picture on the wall. I know what you mean about long term relationalship etc. But what about a quick roll in the hay. I know it sounds stupid, but I really feel that there is an oppertunity here that should be addressed. Or maybe its just wishfull thinking. I don't know. What I do know, is that something has to be done about this now, and I think I know what it is. That is to move on and move on quickly. This situation has had enough opptertunities and chances without anything happening. So I guess it is just not meant to be anything. Its sad though, cause if I find out sometime in the future that he has been going around thinking about the same thing, it will piss me off something shocking. However, I will continue to see him at work thought. That is going to be a littly tricky. However, I can get involved with other aspects of work and not be that engaged to him anymore. This really sucks, its painfull and it has gone on for a very long time. And its a shame....well....what can I say....its time for me to stop being a puashover and his "wife" away from home....(if you can get that)

Vorenus

americangayboy · Sep 17, 2007, 12:02 AM

I don't think you'll get over him as long as your are around him. I found a new job to get away from, lets call him Randy. I thought I was over him and then I ran into him a few weeks ago. I was immediately "in love" again. It takes a long time to get over heavy crushes, and it won't happen as long as you have regular contact with him...professional or otherwise.

americangayboy · Sep 17, 2007, 12:05 AM

BTW- did you get your sn from Rome/the writings of Julius Caesar? I'm currently watching season 2 of the HBO series "Rome".

Clough · Sep 17, 2007, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by americangayboy

I don't think you'll get over him as long as your are around him. I found a new job to get away from, lets call him Randy. I thought I was over him and then I ran into him a few weeks ago. I was immediately "in love" again. It takes a long time to get over heavy crushes, and it won't happen as long as you have regular contact with him...professional or otherwise.

Excellent thoughts and suggestions!

Clough · Sep 17, 2007, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vorenus

Yep, I guess I need to see the picture on the wall. I know what you mean about long term relationalship etc. But what about a quick roll in the hay. I know it sounds stupid, but I really feel that there is an oppertunity here that should be addressed.

Vorenus

Is this all that you really wanted out of the relationship anyway? You might know the old saying about a man having two heads. One of them thinks and the other one only thinks about.... Much more to life than that. There really are things in life that are much more fulfilling.

Vorenus · Sep 17, 2007, 03:58 AM

Yep, vorenus is my favorite character in the series Rome. A shame there is a season three, as I thought I should have been continued.

Back to the issue at hand. I guess you guys are right. If the guy is interested I guess he would have been more inviting than what he is. I don't mean just like a lover or whatever, but also as a mate. I guess love really does drive you blind. But I still find this whole situation strange. Its hard to explain in words as it leaves out a whole lot of stuff and really does not give an accuate picture. But anyway...i'll get there.....starting to finally accept some hard truths at the moment and it isn't easy....

Vorenus

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