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Firstly, I think others (and myself) would prefer if you don't write your message in all CAPS.... Second, you mention to Wildcat to "hear this" , I can tell you write now what he will say "What are you doing???" You say you don't want to hug her because you are on a "break" but, you text her telling her how you can't stop thinking of her and how you are going crazy thinking of her??
It is clear that you need to back off... She is getting her "cake and eating it" to. She probably likes the attention that you are giving her and of course she still wants to "Talk" to you.
There is a reason why you need no contact , real no contact, starting now. It is much easier for her to "break up with you" without having to worry about "oh, what if he never talks to me again" because, you keep trying to call and contact her.
After reading through other threads here today, I realize I need to make a commitment to not call the girl I was dating for at least 2 months. If I still want to talk to her then, I will call her.. But, I am thinking by then, I will be on to another girl.
What has ever happened to honesty in relationships, not playing games and pretending to break up or breaking up to make someone want you more.
If she wants, really wants a break, then you break up and if in some months you get back together great, if you don't want to break up tell her so, maybe she did not really want to break up but thought you did because you were not showing her as much attention as she wanted.
So by you saying yes to a break, you merley told her you did not care.
If you don't want to break up, tell her, if she still does, then break up.
If you want to move out of kid relationship into adult relationship, grow up, talk to each other how you really feel.
Too many adults, many giving advice are not grown up, they still think you are suppose to play games in relationship. Being honest with each other is the only good and true relationship
MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS. WE ARE BOTH
20 YEARS OLD. WE LIVE IN THE SAME AREA, HOWEVER I AM NOW
ATTENDING A UNIVERSITY THAT IS AN HOUR AWAY FROM OUR HOMETOWN.
ABOUT A MONTH AGO SHE ASKED FOR A BREAK. WE'VE BEEN
ON BREAKS BEFORE, BUT THOSE WERE CHILDISH BREAKS WHEN WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST ONE NOW THAT WE ARE IN COLLEGE.
THE OTHER BREAKS WEREN'T REALLY BREAKS. BUT THIS ONE IS. THAT IS BECAUSE I AM REALLY GIVING IT TO HER. I AM NOT CALLING HER OR COMMUNICATING WITH HER IN ANYWAY. That's Cute payback - that Freudian slip!
ONE DAY, HOWEVER, I GAVE IN. IT WAS TWO DAYS AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY AND I DECIDED (SPONTANEOUSLY) TO SHOW UP AT HER SCHOOL TO GIVE HER A BELATED VALENTINE'S GIFT. IT CONSISTED OF A DVD MOVIE AND ANOTHER DVD WHICH I MADE. ANYWAY, SHE WANTED TO THANK ME BY GIVING ME A HUG, BUT I DENIED IT SAYING THAT I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO, BECAUSE WE ARE ON A BREAK. SHE SAID THAT I SHOULDN'T BE SO ANAL ABOUT THE BREAK AND THAT THE OCCASIONAL PHONE CALLS ARE OKAY. BUT I DIDN'T AGREE. ALSO, LAST NIGHT, I TEXTED HER SAYING THAT
I AM GOING CRAZY BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER.
MY QUESTION IS: SHOULD I GIVE HER THOSE OCCASIONAL PHONE CALLS AND HUGS? OR SHOULD I JUST WAIT FOR HER (WHICH IS WHAT I AM DOING)? I MEAN, I AM TRYING MY BEST TO GIVE HER HER SPACE, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT IT THE WAY I AM DOING IT. DOES SHE REALLY WANT A BREAK? OR IS THERE SOMETHING DEEPER?
-THANKS IN ADVANCE.
OK, you accepted this break on her terms. - but you are hating every minute of it and are paying her back by rejecting a hug, even though you spontaneously surprised her and all she did was react to you nicely.
Yeah, you did act anal that day.
You don't agree with her suggestion of occasional phone calls because you want total control even though you claim you are doing this because that's what she wanted, and it's driving you crazy.
Quote:
"She doesn't want it the way I am doing it"
says it all - even though you could have had her back by now, but you had to play hard to get and then push her away when she came toward you. IMO, it's you who needs to decide what you want. It's time to be honest and respectful, and not resentful.
My buddy Wildcat will probably have fun with me here, but I think you got something mixed up and you need to fix it or forget it.
No matter what your choice, good luck. I'm sure you'll keep us posted.
Communication is a strange two-way thingy - try to remember that. Giving her space does not mean to push her away when she approaches you.
What has ever happened to honesty in relationships, not playing games and pretending to break up or breaking up to make someone want you more.
If she wants, really wants a break, then you break up and if in some months you get back together great, if you don't want to break up tell her so, maybe she did not really want to break up but thought you did because you were not showing her as much attention as she wanted.
So by you saying yes to a break, you merley told her you did not care.
If you don't want to break up, tell her, if she still does, then break up.
If you want to move out of kid relationship into adult relationship, grow up, talk to each other how you really feel.
Too many adults, many giving advice are not grown up, they still think you are suppose to play games in relationship. Being honest with each other is the only good and true relationship
Can't rate any more today, but a BIG ATTABOY Fr_Chuck. Your words are well chosen and hit the mark.
Well, while I respect what Chery and Fr. Chuck said, I have a feeling that by you not giving her distance, you will look needy/clingy and look like you aren't respecting what she is looking for.
You say things like "this is a real break" and that you are giving her a break this time by not contacting her. Well , I think you have the right idea! Leave it for a while and don't call her. Do you want her to string you along and keep taking these "breaks" every few years? My personal opinion is that it isn't a good idea to show her that you will keep calling her and paying attention to her even when she wants to "break" things off...
I suggest you give it a few weeks at least before any further contact.
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