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Another breakup story or the tragic end to a true love?
I met my ex the second day of college and we just broke up this week after three and a half years. I had been through everything with Evan. I stayed by him when last year, we both went abroad to separate countries for the semester and he decided we needed to put things on pause, so he could do his own thing for the semester. I followed, pursuing him, confused, missing him, wanting to be with him, we visited each-other a couple of times and I was always frustrated but still in love...
We came back for senior year and he decided that when we graduate in May, he's going to farm abroad for seven months with limited communication or anything. But, we figured we'd stay together. We were in so so so so much love. But this is what he wanted and I wasn't...much of a farmer.
Then, he wasn't going to tell me, but by joking around I got it out of him, that he wanted to end the relationship in May before he went away. It wouldn't work beyond college. I was devestated: back in the same place. He said he loved me and wanted to stay with me until graduation, but he would not be able to give me the communication and relationship I needed while he was away. And he'd come back and he didn't want to make plans that compromised to what I wanted to do with my life. He also said that he didn't think I'd ever break up with him. He "deliberated" and I told him that I knew he'd already made up his mind. Without me. He decided it was going to end and when.
So I said no, I can't stay with you if it's going to end. That's not what I want. Eventually, he slammed the door on his way out. I ran downstairs to ask if he was sure. He angrily said he was sure and slammed the door. I haven't seen him since.
...
Together for three and a half years, so in love, my soulmate, my best friend, I'm lonely without him, I miss him TERRIBLY, I want to see him but also DO NOT want to see him...
I'm just glad that I find a site like this where people share my pain. It can be so isolating to go through something like this, and it's a comfort to know that everyone does it and everyone (eventually) ends up OK. I feel like some people in my life don't understand. We were together for 3.5 years and someone told me "Oh, give it a week. You'll be over him." I wish. I miss him severely. I want to avoid him and talk to him at the same time.
Ugh.
So...
At the time, I felt like I made the right decision about breaking up now as opposed to graduation being better. That's the time of my life to be moving on, exploring, doing new things and if I'm dealing with a breakup, that's hardly a positive start to my new life. Plus, when we broke up for abroad, I pined and yearned the whole time based on false hope. And the time between his breaking up and our actually breaking up was awful. Completely cheapened, sad, bittersweet.
...Anyone been in a similar situation? Have any advice?
Starbuck8 is right. We are here for you. We totally understand what you are going through.
In addition to posting here, I would also recommend keeping a journal to help you work through your feelings and thoughts. I use journaling as a way for me to see how far I have come. After journaling for a while, when you feel that you are not progressing, you can go back and read your entries to see the improvements that have been made.
I went out with a group of friends and at the end of the night, a friend who has definitely had an awkward crush on me for a while tried to kiss me. It made me feel grossed out - I am still trying to let go of my strong feelings for Evan and I found that move inappropriate - but I also felt sad for this guy because I know he's going to have his heart broken too. From me.
Isn't it weird how you can get your heart broken and turn around and do it to someone else?
This is why I am able to enjoy my relationships with my gay friends much more than my relationships with straight male friends: there isn't this added weirdness.
Also, all my friends in relationships are driving me crazy! It's part my circumstance, but more importantly, they're all obsessing over their SOs now that there's little school left.
just some words....
I thought I'd make another random post on here. I had a little urge to check his facebook so I thought I'd come here instead. I've been good, it's been over a week since I last looked at it. I guess i only want to go there to see if maybe, just maybe, he broke up w/ that girl. I know i shouldn't even care. It's been a month since he broke up with me. Seeing where I am now I could tell I've improved a lot. I don't think I've cried at all this past week or the week before that. I've been feeling good about other things going on in my life. I still think about him all the time though. And all the dreams i have w/ him are sort of annoying. It's kind of like "get out of my head so I could just move on and live my life!!!" I think I sadly still have this tiny hope that maybe one day I'll see he called or left me an email. It's weird, I don't really want him back anymore but i guess I just want to talk to him again. Just to end things better maybe. Maybe I just want him to feel guilty or sorry.
Last night i went to see an advanced screening of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It made me laugh which made me feel a lot better. I recommend it for everyone on here struggling through break ups. It sucked though b/c the theater was next to this pizza place my ex and I used to eat at all the time. and to get there I had to basically go the same route I did to go see him. Memories came into my head but i just let them go and didn't let them get me down. I think I was more scared of maybe running into him, lol.
Hopefully by this time next month I'll be even better. I hate when i do start thinking about him and it makes me sad. The weather is getting so nice here and i just keep remembering how the two of us couldn't wait for spring and summer so we could do all these things we had planned. Sometimes when i think of him w/ her i get jealous and it just makes me sick. Like i said, i don't really want him back anymore, but i wish he wasnt w/ her. it's like...pick some other girl, just not her. it just seems so sad to me...he's 26 and wanted to start settling down in life and he leaves me for some 18 year old punk who's main objective in life is to party hard every night. I guess i just have to remember that people change. And just because somebody wants something at one point in their life doesn't mean they'll still want it five months later.
Sorry for my rambeling.
just some words....
I thought I'd make another random post on here. I had a little urge to check his facebook so I thought I'd come here instead. I've been good, it's been over a week since I last looked at it. I guess i only want to go there to see if maybe, just maybe, he broke up w/ that girl. I know i shouldn't even care. It's been a month since he broke up with me. Seeing where I am now I could tell I've improved a lot. I don't think I've cried at all this past week or the week before that. I've been feeling good about other things going on in my life. I still think about him all the time though. And all the dreams i have w/ him are sort of annoying. It's kind of like "get out of my head so I could just move on and live my life!!!" I think I sadly still have this tiny hope that maybe one day I'll see he called or left me an email. It's weird, I don't really want him back anymore but i guess I just want to talk to him again. Just to end things better maybe. Maybe I just want him to feel guilty or sorry.
Last night i went to see an advanced screening of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It made me laugh which made me feel a lot better. I recommend it for everyone on here struggling through break ups. It sucked though b/c the theater was next to this pizza place my ex and I used to eat at all the time. and to get there I had to basically go the same route I did to go see him. Memories came into my head but i just let them go and didn't let them get me down. I think I was more scared of maybe running into him, lol.
Hopefully by this time next month I'll be even better. I hate when i do start thinking about him and it makes me sad. The weather is getting so nice here and i just keep remembering how the two of us couldn't wait for spring and summer so we could do all these things we had planned. Sometimes when i think of him w/ her i get jealous and it just makes me sick. Like i said, i don't really want him back anymore, but i wish he wasnt w/ her. it's like...pick some other girl, just not her. it just seems so sad to me...he's 26 and wanted to start settling down in life and he leaves me for some 18 year old punk who's main objective in life is to party hard every night. I guess i just have to remember that people change. And just because somebody wants something at one point in their life doesn't mean they'll still want it five months later.
Sorry for my rambeling.
We are here for you too Chameleon! I know you are posting because you can relate to Jamimama, but have you posted your own thread so the two of these are separate? It's hard when there's a piggyback. We all want to be here for you too, but it's easier if it's on your own thread.
lol, sorry about that. I did feel weird posting it on here. I think i meant to do it on mine but then i get sorta lost on all the threads. I'll remember that for next time.
I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist as soon as health services opens...
Today I saw him and he occupied my thoughts...I tried to be social and go out and do things but it was nearly impossible. Then, at 11pm, I was getting extremely frustrated with all this tension I was experiencing and the fact that all my friends were busy, so I went for a run outside - the gym was closed - which was extremely therapeutic. I know that that's really dangerous and I don't plan to make a habit of late-night runs, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I had to escape.
I went out with my friends and they dragged me to a party that was in the house next to his. Of course I didn't want to go and when I went, I saw Evan through the window getting food from his fridge. So I left and went to go hang out with some other people. Not healthy to be looking at Evan through his window... Only bad can come of this. I couldn't be there. After wandering around trying to find a party or somewhere fun to go without success, my two girl friends and I set out for a party a couple blocks away and ...
...out of the darkness, this drunk, long-haired scraggly guy stumbles toward us and then abruptly turns left and walks away. My friends nudged me. I didn't even realize it was Evan. He looked extremely wasted and gross. I said "Hi Evan" and he didn't acknowledge it. He just (barely) kept walking with his head down, his step extremely unbalanced.
I find drunkenness extremely unattractive and I'm not a drinker so Evan and I didn't drink together except on maybe two occasions which were fun (and maybe a bad sign if I liked my boyfriend more when he was drunk?) but he would drink on weekend nights when we weren't hanging out...and of course smoke pot every night we weren't together. Anyway...
After today when he seemed to be relatively happy, he seemed to be a mess tonight. He's definitely come out of hiding and my friends and I are seeing him a lot more. It's making it so hard to get over him and start a new life when he's constantly around and I see him all the time. I wish he'd go away. Or I wish I could just graduate now. Or that I could go on a vacation. I'm sick of this school and Evan and these feelings. I wish they'd just stop. I wish I could stop this constant running background music when I'm trying to do other things.
I am worried that I'm completely boring and concerning my friends with what I'm going through. I am worried that I may be obsessed and that things are getting harder. But maybe 1) I am coping and the worse I feel now the better because it means I am coming to terms with this break-up and I am not in denial or 2) the more he hurts me post-break-up, the easier it is to stop romanticizing him and our relationship. If he's acting like such a jerk right now, what does that say about him?
Ugh. I maybe should take pride in the fact that I was out with friends sober trying to make the most of what's left of college while he's stumbling around looking awful, but I know that it could just as easily be that he's with another girl, and either way, I need to focus on me. Not him. It's just awful.
That sucks Jami!! It's too bad that you have to keep on running into him like that all of the time. Well you know, on second thought, maybe not. It might help you to put an end to another chapter in the book of Jami. I know it's tough on you though. Believe me hun, I have been there more than once, and each time I thought I would never get over it. I once sat in a dark room, curtains closed, doors locked, listening to depressing songs, (and every single one would remind me of him) for 3 weeks in a row. I didn't eat and hardly slept. Then one day I "woke up" and looked at myself and said...is he really worth all of this?...conclusion...nope!!
Just try and keep your focus on graduation day, and all of the other good things that are out there waiting for you!! One day soon you will be out somewhere and you'll see that guy that makes you say...Evan who?
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