At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Another breakup story or the tragic end to a true love?
I met my ex the second day of college and we just broke up this week after three and a half years. I had been through everything with Evan. I stayed by him when last year, we both went abroad to separate countries for the semester and he decided we needed to put things on pause, so he could do his own thing for the semester. I followed, pursuing him, confused, missing him, wanting to be with him, we visited each-other a couple of times and I was always frustrated but still in love...
We came back for senior year and he decided that when we graduate in May, he's going to farm abroad for seven months with limited communication or anything. But, we figured we'd stay together. We were in so so so so much love. But this is what he wanted and I wasn't...much of a farmer.
Then, he wasn't going to tell me, but by joking around I got it out of him, that he wanted to end the relationship in May before he went away. It wouldn't work beyond college. I was devestated: back in the same place. He said he loved me and wanted to stay with me until graduation, but he would not be able to give me the communication and relationship I needed while he was away. And he'd come back and he didn't want to make plans that compromised to what I wanted to do with my life. He also said that he didn't think I'd ever break up with him. He "deliberated" and I told him that I knew he'd already made up his mind. Without me. He decided it was going to end and when.
So I said no, I can't stay with you if it's going to end. That's not what I want. Eventually, he slammed the door on his way out. I ran downstairs to ask if he was sure. He angrily said he was sure and slammed the door. I haven't seen him since.
...
Together for three and a half years, so in love, my soulmate, my best friend, I'm lonely without him, I miss him TERRIBLY, I want to see him but also DO NOT want to see him...
I'm just glad that I find a site like this where people share my pain. It can be so isolating to go through something like this, and it's a comfort to know that everyone does it and everyone (eventually) ends up OK. I feel like some people in my life don't understand. We were together for 3.5 years and someone told me "Oh, give it a week. You'll be over him." I wish. I miss him severely. I want to avoid him and talk to him at the same time.
Ugh.
So...
At the time, I felt like I made the right decision about breaking up now as opposed to graduation being better. That's the time of my life to be moving on, exploring, doing new things and if I'm dealing with a breakup, that's hardly a positive start to my new life. Plus, when we broke up for abroad, I pined and yearned the whole time based on false hope. And the time between his breaking up and our actually breaking up was awful. Completely cheapened, sad, bittersweet.
...Anyone been in a similar situation? Have any advice?
Wow, I didn't read through all 6 pages (Sorry, I'm a little tired) but EVEN just reading your posts on the 1st and 2nd pages, and seeing this I think everybody could agree that you are doing much better than expected. Hell, you're doing a lot better then I did when I broke up with an ex of mine.
You learn to take life's lessons and make yourself a better person. You're young and there 7 BILLION people in the world, and believe me there is somebody that you deserve waiting for you to find them. Don't let some childish, selfish guy get in the way of finding the true love of your life.
I remember, I was with this girl for like...6-7 months, and after having a few year long relationships I had learned how to deal with it. I remember this breakup so well because it makes me laugh. Picture this
I'm sitting in my room, playing Halo 2 (Xbox Video game for some that don't know) on xbox live and my buddy is staying the night. The gf calls me and tells me she wants to break up, I simply say "Okay, cool. I'm sorry that we didn't work out and that I hope she sleeps well" it was like 2 in the morning and she was a co-worker of mine (my stupid mistake) I hang up and my buddy says "what was that all about?" I tell him she broke up with me and he says "you look upset." I turn to him, say that I'm upset because I just lost the lead in scores because of her and we both laugh.
Come to find out she lied about breaking up, because she wanted to date ANOTHER co-worker (who had a 2 year relationship and told her that the girl was his sister LOL) And now even though we don't talk very much, we're cool with each other. And she was SO pissed when she came up to me at work (Ironically I worked at Starbucks for a few years) and asked if I wanted to get some food after work and I told her I can't because I have plans with my new girlfriend (who I've been with now for over 2 years...with some bumps in the road) and she realized that she messed up a relationship with a great guy (go ahead, call me arrogant ;] I know I'm good haha!)
The moral of the story here is that good things happen to good people, you may see this as a bad situation, but try to look at it from a better perspective. You're FREE now to do what makes you happy, to meet new EXCITING people without gettin' drama from your boyfriend. You and I are both young (I'm a sophomore in college) we shouldn't be worrying about who we're spending our lives with and marriage and all that.
Now, get out there because the world is yours for the taking!
P.S. I'm going to give my AIM screen name out here for anybody to message me, I trust that it won't be used for spam and all of that. Calithugshwshank, I know it's a weird screen name, my buddy decided that screen name for me
That was a great answer and a fun read Kevin. All of us here know that Jami is a great girl, and someone is going to snatch her up before she knows it!! He will be a more mature guy and will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
We're all here to get you through the tough times hun!
Also, Jami? The late nights and weekends will be the toughest for you for awhile. It is hard to see all of your friends coupling up at the end of the night, and feeling the dread of going home with your own thoughts of missing him and being lonely. It's so heartbreaking, and hard to get through.
Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be a better and easier day for you. I know how hard it is hun, but try and stay off of his FB. It's probably a good thing that you can't read what he's up to. It would only set you back. And no, it's not silly for your pets to have their own page...mine does! She has a myspace page too, and she gets more msgs than I do for cryin out loud! I guess (natural) blondes DO have more fun,
I hope you can get a restful sleep. Cry when you need to, but smile and laugh every chance you get!
Again, thank you all! Starbuck, I will definitely take you up on your offer of a PM sometime soon.
A weird thing about the timing of this break-up is that I'm witnessing a lot of similar break-ups (people at my college who have been together forever suddenly realize that it won't work after graduation and split up) and then I see the guys in these relationships run off to have sex with new girls pretty soon after. It's just really odd to witness. I wonder if anyone else has witnessed a similar phenomenon of a guy jumping right back into sex after a long-term relationship.
I think I serve as proof of "What does not kill you makes you stronger." Last year, I lived abroad for five months. That was a really hard time. I was struggling to adjust, Evan broke up with me, I let myself be strung along, and I was wallowing a lot. Most significantly, my mom was diagnosed with a very bad chronic illness during month three of my time away. Having gone through the shocks of those things a year ago while isolated abroad, I feel so much better-equipped to deal with what life throws at me. If this happened a year ago, I don't think I'd be equipped to handle this nearly as well as I am now. I have so much more perspective and I really want to enjoy life.
I'm excited to enjoy single life. I'm enjoying life but not the "single" aspect yet. It's also a weird time because at the end of the school year, people are hooking up with random people or holding on to their mates while they still can. So it's an intense environment. I've had so many fun times this week and I've had so many moments of not thinking about him. The sad times are definitely getting fewer and farther between. I'm coming out of my haze and I'm realizing that I would really be limiting my new life by being in a relationship with him after graduating.
yep. my ex. 3.5 years. 2 weeks after we break up, she's into another relationship.
single life is AWESOME though, isn't it? I haven't been single in 8 years...so this is good for me.
I know what you mean about people breaking up, as I have 3 weeks until graduation and I see people breaking up left and right...it's one of those "s*it or get off the pot" moments, I guess.
It's the three-week anniversary of my singledom. I don't necessarily feel worlds better than I did a week ago. Maybe week one was the big progress in healing and now it's smaller steps. I'm a bit frustrated with healing: all the thinking, sadness, loneliness, questioning: I wish it would all go away so I could enjoy myself fully. I am being active, positive and social and I am considering the break up and relationship objectively. I'm going out and having fun, not obsessing over him constantly (but when i am thinking to myself or discussing someone else's relationship, yes, my thoughts are always him-related). It's not impossible. I'm finding ways to have fun. But it's still hard.
In a way it feels like it's been three weeks and sometimes it feels like it's been three days. I can't believe that a week from now it'll be a month.
I'm also occupied with the idea that about a month from now I will be graduating and may never see him again, and this is someone I loved for a long time so it's scary that I'm not enjoying the last amount of time I'd have with this person. I know it's irrational but it's true. The alternative, of course, if we hadn't broken up would be a month of sadness and confusion because we'd be going our separate ways so soon. This is healthier.
Running around between commitments today, I thought to myself "I don't have time for a boyfriend." I'm so busy these days, I know I'd be missing out on everything if I were tied down. Meanwhile, I would still love to lie in bed and talk to him or go with him to a movie or fall asleep next to him or go on a hike or hear his laugh. As cheesy as that is.
I'm also extremely amused by how rude/cold his friends are being to me. I didn't do anything yet they look at me with such scorn because they see me out with friends.
You are going through so many normal feelings. The breakup is still so new for you. The reason that his friends are looking at you with scornful looks is that you are doing the exact opposite of what they expect you to be doing. They want to see you miserable and not being able to function. You are proving them wrong and they don't like it. The best revenge is showing that you are moving on.
Keep up all that you are doing. Yes, there will be some days where you will feel on top of the world, while other days, you will feel that you are sinking deeper and deeper. Acknowldege those feelings, but don't dwell on them. If you did not feel the hurt, that means that you are not healing.
The want and need to feel loved and held are completely normal. Just know that you are not the first and you are not the last one to go through a breakup. Keep posting your thoughts and talking to your friends. We have your back, as we have all been there. We have gotten through these feelings and you will too.
Jami hun, there is no set time limit, and everything you feel is sooo completely normal. There is nothing irrational or cheesy about how you think or feel. It is what it is! You were with him for a long time, and of course you are going to miss that.
Heck, I was with my ex for a long time and although there were totally different circumstances where there was physical, emotional, and verbal abuse,...I still miss the old him, and the good in him. (although that man went away, and was replaced with someone I don't recognise) We have been split up for 18 months now, and there are still nights that I really miss sleeping beside him, hearing him laugh, the smell when he got out of the shower after work, and so on.
I think if you DIDN'T have those feelings then that may be something to worry about. It's hard when you love someone, and it turns out you may never have known them at all.
Don't ever appologize for the way you are feeling! They are your feelings, and you are entitled to them, no matter what.
Just keep thinking in your mind, that this was a part of your life that you will look back on and be glad you learned the lessons that you did. Get up and throw that Grad Hat as high as you can girl, and think about all you have to look forward to!!
Keep on talking out your thoughts and feelings to us, but I am going to have to insist that you tell us how great Grad Day was...and maaayybe even send some PM's with some pics of your celebration k?
I guess (natural) blondes DO have more fun, 
Linear Mode
