I met my ex the second day of college and we just broke up this week after three and a half years. I had been through everything with Evan. I stayed by him when last year, we both went abroad to separate countries for the semester and he decided we needed to put things on pause, so he could do his own thing for the semester. I followed, pursuing him, confused, missing him, wanting to be with him, we visited each-other a couple of times and I was always frustrated but still in love...

We came back for senior year and he decided that when we graduate in May, he's going to farm abroad for seven months with limited communication or anything. But, we figured we'd stay together. We were in so so so so much love. But this is what he wanted and I wasn't...much of a farmer.

Then, he wasn't going to tell me, but by joking around I got it out of him, that he wanted to end the relationship in May before he went away. It wouldn't work beyond college. I was devestated: back in the same place. He said he loved me and wanted to stay with me until graduation, but he would not be able to give me the communication and relationship I needed while he was away. And he'd come back and he didn't want to make plans that compromised to what I wanted to do with my life. He also said that he didn't think I'd ever break up with him. He "deliberated" and I told him that I knew he'd already made up his mind. Without me. He decided it was going to end and when.

So I said no, I can't stay with you if it's going to end. That's not what I want. Eventually, he slammed the door on his way out. I ran downstairs to ask if he was sure. He angrily said he was sure and slammed the door. I haven't seen him since.

...


Together for three and a half years, so in love, my soulmate, my best friend, I'm lonely without him, I miss him TERRIBLY, I want to see him but also DO NOT want to see him...

I'm just glad that I find a site like this where people share my pain. It can be so isolating to go through something like this, and it's a comfort to know that everyone does it and everyone (eventually) ends up OK. I feel like some people in my life don't understand. We were together for 3.5 years and someone told me "Oh, give it a week. You'll be over him." I wish. I miss him severely. I want to avoid him and talk to him at the same time.

Ugh.

So...

At the time, I felt like I made the right decision about breaking up now as opposed to graduation being better. That's the time of my life to be moving on, exploring, doing new things and if I'm dealing with a breakup, that's hardly a positive start to my new life. Plus, when we broke up for abroad, I pined and yearned the whole time based on false hope. And the time between his breaking up and our actually breaking up was awful. Completely cheapened, sad, bittersweet.


...Anyone been in a similar situation? Have any advice?

ladada

Wow starbuck! im sorry to hear u had too go through that im going to try the NC thing now.. last night i was awful because i was drunk and it was my first weekend without him in a long time... so i failed! but today im determined although i think its hard.. yes i read those stickys! they were great im going to buy a calender tommorow. i have a girly holiday too look forward too, and im hoping that will distract me.

and boris the blade its unbelievably hard! i think it will take a long time, but slowly it has to get better? i totally agree with relaising your only with them becuase you dont like life without them.. and u cant bear them too be with somebody else! but that just proves you are not ultimately happy and that relationship will never work. keep us informed on your progress aswell!

xxx

starbuck8

Don't beat yourself up over your minor setback. It happens! Just pick yourself up the best you can, shake yourself off, and try and remember that it will get better. Tell yourself that HE is the loser in this deal, not YOU! Hopefully sooner than later, you can look back on your relationship, when you find someone that is good to you, and say to yourself..."lesson learned", and it happened, to teach me something about myself and about relationships. Keep us updated.