I guess there are a few of these out there already, but I might as well give mine, if nothing else because getting things written down seems to be therapeutic. My (ex?) and I have been together for about 3 years now, We are both 23 . The first year we went to the same college, before I transferred because I needed to get into a better pre-law school while she stayed to become a nurse. The first year of our relationship was all her, I had just come out of a High School relationship gone to hell, and after four months was (sort of) ready to put my feet in the water. She put more effort than I did, was always calling, always trying to see me, and I was a little more focused on my friends and my school. I know that during this time that when we were together she was happy, but when we were apart she was pretty sad, but I didn't really have a choice in the matter, I wasn't ready for it. I never cheated or saw any other women, I just needed to take it easy.

After a year, I transferred to a school that was only a few hours away, so we kept up the relationship, and had a pretty good time. It took me a while but I did eventually start to feel the same way that she had felt about me, Loved her, needed her, all the normal stuff. I knew that she loved me for about 6-8 months, But I was in no way ready to say it back to her, I wasn't ready to throw it around like that.

The problem is that the time she spent wanting me to open up and be with her has caused her some anger, and regret, towards me. So when I changed to suddenly be the person that she wanted to be, always telling her I loved her, coming to see her every other weekend, she actually seemed to back off some.

For the past months we have seemed to be fighting a lot, on edge, and it always confuses me. I'll be trying to make her happy, taking her out to eat, trying to spend romantic weekends and trips to the beach, but for some reason it seems like we'll start to fight over the stupidest things, fights I can't even remember starting.

Finally a month ago, I confronted her about it. Her answer was that she can't help but feel resentment towards me for putting her through all the waiting and saddness of loving me when I was not ready. So we decided to take a break, mostly her idea. She says that she is "tired" of trying, and that she just needs some time. I know there is no one else in her life, because of couples who are joint friends that go to school with her.

I've made all those mistakes one would make on the first real "break". Drunk dialed her crying, drove to speak to her, to tell her straight up that I need her. After a few weeks of that, I've come to realise that maybe I've been going about this the wrong way. I know that she cries about me, even now, a month into our break. I know that she still loves me. I've been doing my best to do NC, I always seem to make it 5-6 days before we talk on AIM, or a call. Mostly my intiation, sometimes hers. It always seems like she is sad to talk to me over the phone.

Certainly didn't mean to write this long, but the question is. Am I going about this the right way? I've gone ahead and deleted her from my phone, and don't even use IM anymore. From all the sites and message boards I've read, I've made myself too available and desperate. The plan as of a few days ago was to back off, NC until she initiates it, and even then keep it light and happy.

More than anything I want her back, and she has said she doesn't want anyone else, she just is tired of trying so hard, and that sometimes she feels it is "too little, too late"

Canada_Sweety

Haplo

Definitely good advice. However, as a man who's been through it (still going through it I guess) it falls into that category of "easier said than done."

If she wants space and time, then the best thing you can do is concede to her wishes. I'm not so sure that absolutely no contact is the way to go, but definitely back off some.

If you have friends that you can hang out with, do so. A favorite hobby or two you can do to occupy yourself, do it.

talaniman

Well you said it yourself, while she was doing all the work, you where all laid taking it easy, back under the premise of not know how you felt, so now you want her back?? To late, as you should have been the caring b/f from the beginning so accept her being tired of that crap, and learn from your mistakes, and remember next time, but for now leave her alone.