Am I wrong to be upset about this?

I would be concerned as well that after dating for several years you have not met his friends. Do you know if they even know that he is seeing you? How serious is your relationship with him? Maybe you see it as more serious than he does.

Nothing wrong with doing things separately with friends now and then, but it is odd that you are never told about any of it. Most couples would at least say something such as, "Hey, I was planning on going to lunch with Sarah next Saturday."

I'd ask him why he hasn't introduced you to his friends. Have you met any of his male friends? Do you socialize with them together? Have you met his family?

I can say with a lot of convictions that I would not stand for that for one minute.

I am generally understanding and this behavior crosses all boundary lines for me.

It would be okay with me if I were kept in the loop and the tickets were a birthday present for the friend. However, he seems to be living two lives and that is not okay.

I think you need to sit down with him and find out if you are on the same page as he is. If you are still wanting the same things, then set boundaries together.

Tell him you would like to meet his friends. Perhaps plan a very informal get-together for all of your friends either at someone's house or on neutral ground like a park.

If he isn't okay with you meeting them or says that they don't want to meet you, then I would think about moving on. I don't think I would be able to trust him. You might be more understanding than I am.

I hope all works out for the best.

We've been together nearly five years. I've met two of his guy friends once. I haven't met his family yet. They live in another state but they've visited before and he never invited me to meet them. I'm finally supposed to meet them next month at his brother's wedding. I was actually shocked that he asked me to go.

I didn't know he was seeing these women behind my back until about a year ago. He went away with one of them and he didn't tell me. I found out when she tagged him in pictures on Facebook. Then I found out all the other things he'd been doing with them. He was going to the beach with them. He got together with them for his birthday and didn't invite me. He took them to concerts, fancy parties, expensive dinners and so much more. His excuse for not inviting me was that he didn't think I'd be interested in going to that kind of stuff. I was about to end it but I didn't follow through.

I've asked him how he would feel if I did this to him. I've asked him what he would tell one of his friends if her boyfriend did this to her. I get no answer.
I think maybe he's embarrassed by me. He's educated and well off and so are all his friends. I didn't finish college and don't have much in common with any of them. Have I really wasted five long years on this guy?

I am so sorry, but I would have a hard time staying in such a relationship. It appears that you are far more invested in the relationship than he is. Does he consider it exclusive? These sound more like dates than hanging out with friends.

Does he take you out places? In five years together you have met two of his friends only one time? What do the two of you do together?

To not be told about any of this is so inappropriate. Where did he say he was going when he went out to these places? He didn't answer you when you asked how he would feel because he doesn't have an answer. He knows that he wouldn't put up with it but how could he tell you that when he has been doing it himself! To say he didn't ask you because he didn't think you would be interested is a cop out. He didn't even give you consideration by asking you to find out. At the very least you should have been aware of where he was going and who he was going with!

Cat is right.....he has been leading a second life and you haven't been part of it. Only he knows the reason(s) why. Ask him and see what he says.

If his response doesn't measure up, and you see this separate lives situation continuing, you may need to consider cutting your losses, and moving on. It wouldn't have been a waste of time, but it would be a lengthy lesson in discovering what you want, and don't want, in the next relationship.

Back with an update and another question. I went to his brother's wedding and finally met his family who were all so sweet and welcoming.

Here is my question. We flew in on Friday afternoon for the rehearsal dinner. I get a bit sick on airplanes and even though it was just an hour long flight I was feeling pretty bad when we landed. I took some Advil and felt a little bit better. We did a little sightseeing and then headed to the dinner which was just a casual pizza party. By that time I had a full-fledged migraine but I sucked it up and mingled and tried to be cheery.

There was only a half hour left of the party when I really couldn't stand it anymore (if you've ever had a migraine you know what I mean). I told my boyfriend I didn't feel good and asked if we could leave. He said No, I'm not leaving my brother's party. You can go but I'm staying. I'll call you a cab.

I had to fight back the tears because not only was I feeling really sick but I had the overwhelming feeling that he didn't care about me one bit! Am I wrong? I would have left with him if he was sick. I mean there was only a half hour left anyway. As it was I had to wait more than an hour because of clean up and finding rides for all the out-of-towners.

I'm certain that if his brother was at our rehearsal dinner and his girlfriend felt really sick, he would have taken her home. Would you have left with me or sent me back to the hotel alone in a cab?

You are out of town and he was going to put you in a cab, ill and send you off to a hotel, alone? Absolutely unacceptable.

Putting you in a cab and sending you back to the hotel sick seems crass and unacceptable. It's possible he did not consciously SEE it that way at the time. As a migraine sufferer, I've often experienced people not "getting" quite how SERIOUS it is and how bad it feels.

Right or wrong, sometimes people think, oh it's just a headache and you're tired. -- "Well there's nothing I can do.. and you'll be fine... so you go ahead and I'll be along later." they don't mean it to be unfeeling they just don't THINK or properly empathize with the situation.

He's a douche.

It's possible that he didn't quite believe that you were so bad off and maybe thought you were just tired...maybe he thought you were feeling uncomfortable around all the family. However, in my opinion, he should have considered that you were bad off and gone with you. He sounds like someone you should be re-evaluating your relationship with.